The Nest: Half Empty or Half Full?

This past year has flown by. I honestly don't know what happened to it, but here we are almost to the end of the year and it's a time for reflection. This year was a milestone year in our family. Our daughter got married. Of course I'm thrilled. But I have to say that no one ever trains us moms for the "empty nest". Sure, everyone talks asks, "how're you doing with the empty nest?", or you hear about empty nesters, but until you've gone through it, you don't know what it's about.
 
My daughter and I are very close. I was a single mom for many years, so it compounded that closeness. We have gone through everything together. School, cancer, mother/daughter camping trips, you name it. So as her wedding day approached, I know we both started anticipating the big changes that were going to be coming up. It says in the Bible - regarding marriage --that a man shall leave his mother; and a woman shall leave her home. We all know this, right? In prep for "leaving home", the week before her wedding, I took off from work. I wouldn't trade that week for anything. It was our time together. We moved her things to her new home (all except the essentials til the wedding day), we got her unpacked and situated, set up her kitchen, and spent mom/daughter time together. And one of the days we just had a good old cry! We knew the wedding was just days away. We knew she was marrying her true love, we knew it was the right thing, at the right time, but all of a sudden, we were hysterical. And it wasn't panic, or nerves about the wedding. It was just about change. About life. About growing up. But that cry did us both a lot of good, and it seemed that it was what we needed. Yes, things would be different. But the love between us would be the same. We wouldn't be living together, but hey, there was always unlimited texting. : )

So the wedding day came, and it was like a dream. She was beautiful in her wedding gown, and my son in law was dashing in his tuxe. The wedding ceremony was beautiful, and meaningful, and blessed; the reception was fun. Everything went off without a hitch, and off they went on their honeymoon. And then we get to the empty nest. I tried very hard to back off a bit. I wanted her to adjust to her new life. And have fun on her honeymoon so I was good. I didn't call or text. The hardest thing was not hearing from her daily. I'd wonder where they were, what they were doing. And then they came home from the honeymoon, and it was even harder. At least while they were away, she had reason why we couldn't see each other. But back in town ....I know, I know, it sounds silly. But you have your child with you for 25 years, and then in one day, she's out of the house, all grown up, and a wife!

Those three weeks after the wedding were the hardest. The nest was empty. And then Sunday came and she said they were coming to church and then coming over afterward. At church that Sunday, my daughter and son in law received and distributed the Kiss of Peace. Der Hayr announced them as the newest family of our church. And I felt so happy to see them there, together, participating, worshipping. After church they came over for lunch. And I saw how happy they were together. Not cheesy happy, but just "at ease" and natural happy. And I realized something: That my daughter is right where she is supposed to be. It was her time to get married. And God blessed her with a wonderful husband who loves and cares for her. And the nest is not really half empty, but half full!

Today is Thanksgiving. We just came home from my daughter and son-in-law's home. It was their first Thanksgiving, and they invited us over. It was a blessed day. There they were, working together to make the meal..making new traditions. My daughter is a nurse and works nights. She had just come home in the morning to start cooking. He had made the turkey and gravy, and they were working together to make everything perfect. The table was set, the Thanksgiving prayer was said. I looked around and saw my grown up daughter (who will always be my baby) and her husband, and then I saw the bigger picture as well. There I was, surrounded by family...our new inlaws (my khunamies), and the grandmas, my son, my husband.  Family.

Our family had grown and was full and alive. I am truly blessed. I will always be a mom. The bond that I share with my daughter will always be. And now I get to share with my new son. I am thankful for my beautiful family, the love that we share, and my nest, which is not only "half full", but truly full, and over flowing with love!

Lessons From Bob

This is Bob and I in January of 2013.
 I hadn't seen him in 6 weeks because I now take
the bus.  We had a lot to catch up on.

If you know me, you know that I have a soft spot for the homeless.  My parents were always very compassionate when it came to feeding the hungry in our community.  We grew up in Los Angeles.  In those days, it wasn’t uncommon for people to knock on your door and ask for food if they were down and out.  I remember being afraid of them as my mom would answer the door, but she would ask them to wait on the porch and she’d make them a sandwich to eat there and then pack one in the bag for later, and take it to them, telling them they could sit and eat on the porch before heading on their way.  They would thank her, eat and move on.  My father and I would deliver Christmas and Easter dinners to the homeless of our neighborhood before our family arrived at our house for dinner, my mom always making enough turkey, pilaf and sarma for several extra plates.  There weren’t to many then, in the 70’s, and because of that we knew where we could find them…one on a bus bench on Vine, one behind the Ralph’s market, one by the laundry mat.  We grew up that way, not fearing the homeless.

Four years ago, our In His Shoes outreach started a homeless ministry where we feed and clothe the homeless on a monthly basis.  It’s no longer the 70’s, and the homeless community is large, especially in downtown.  It’s so easy for us to walk by someone in need.  Would we do that if we saw Christ asking for food or money on the corner?  Of course not.  We would definitely acknowledge Him, right?  So a few years ago, I started talking to the homeless that I see on a daily basis – just making eye contact, saying hello, asking their names.  I work in downtown on 7^th and Figueroa.  It’s not skid row.  I’m in the cleaned-up financial district.  But there are still homeless around.  The regulars.  And I know all their names.  There’s Antonio that asks for money on freeway offramp, Anthony who is on 8^th and Francisco, and then there’s my friend Bob.

Bob and I have been friends for about two years now. We’re the same age…he’s just a month older than me.  He’d be tall if he stood up, but he’s had a leg amputated, and sits in his wheelchair on Figueroa.  And pretty much 5 days a week, as I walk to my car in the afternoon, we talk.  I realized this yesterday, that I talk to Bob sometimes more than I talk to some of my family.  To Bob, the passersby are his family.  I can’t help Bob everyday, but what I can do is talk to him.  And over the course of two years or so, Bob has taught me a lot about life, faith, family, and about caring for others.

I wanted to share with you my lessons from Bob.

1.  "I don’t live by luck, I live by faith."  This was what Bob told me yesterday when he wanted to give me a coin that someone had dropped in his cup.  It was a penny with a hole stamped out of the middle in the shape of a four-leaf clover. He wanted me to have it.  He said it’s kind of neat…and maybe one of my nieces would like it.  When I asked, “Don’t you want it? It’s a lucky penny?”  He said, “No, I want you to have it…it’s just something that’s neat to look at…plus, I don’t live by luck, I live by faith. God is with me.  I don’t need luck”  This was a very beautiful revelation to me.  He is so rich in his faith, and has ever reason to doubt it.  But he doesn't.  His expression of faith is beautiful.

2.  Be cheerful in attitude and smile.  As you pass Bob you hear him, “It’s a beautiful day in L.A.!”  He greets people as they pass by, sharing sports stats from last night’s game with those that he knows follow sports, asking about family to others, commenting on the positive “Your hair looks nice today!”  Most of the time, if people do acknowledge him, it’s with a smile, or some money.  Everyone has a purpose in life, and I think this is Bob’s.  Bob is life’s greeter.

3. Call your mother.  Bob has a phone which he uses to call his mom in Pennsylvania.  She’s in her late 80’s.  He has a family there who he says doesn’t understand him so he doesn't have contact with them, but he does keep in touch with his mom.  He’s shared letters she’s sent him (to a local shopkeeper’s address) and he gets a little tear in his eye when he shares stories about her with me.  As far away as they are, she is and always will be in his heart. 

4.  Know what you need (don't be greedy), and share the rest with those around you.  Find beauty in all things.  “Anush, I have something for you…wait” and he digs in the back of his wheelchair and produces a wooden box.  One of Bob’s friends went to Alaska and brought him back a piece of salmon.  The box was painted with an Alaskan whale – the art of the region.  He ate the salmon, but he wanted me to have the box.  He made me promise to put something nice in it…and today it houses some of my jewelry supplies.  “Isn’t it beautiful?  Do you like it?  I want you to have it. But you have to use it.  If you're not going to use it, don't take it.”  : ) 

5.  There’s joy in the routine.  Every Tuesday is Popeye’s chicken day for Bob.  This is the highlight of the week, and as routine as it is, it’s looked forward to.  I think everyone that helps Bob along on Mondays and Tuesdays knows that he gets two pieces for a dollar on Tuesdays.  And this makes him happy.  As mundane as it may seem, there is joy in this routine.  It’s something to look forward too. And something that he is very thankful for.  When your life situation is uncertain, there is comfort in the security of routine.

6.  Make time for yourself.  Sometimes on Wednesday’s Bob is not in his spot.  I noticed this pattern and asked him once.  “You know, I did well on Monday and Tuesday and I don’t want to be greedy.  I went to Popeye's and got a bunch of chicken.  I went under the freeway and ate, and slept, and then woke up and ate some more…and I spent yesterday relaxing because I need a break too.”  Truth.  It’s important to take time to refresh. 

Simple life lessons.  Things that we actually know but don’t often practice because they just seem too simple.  Sometimes what we receive is so much more than what we give.  My life is so much richer by having Bob in it.