Why I Walk

Right around mile 36, coming into the home stretch!

This year marks my 10th year participating in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer - a challenging 39-mile, two-day walk that raises hope, awareness and funding for breast cancer.  It seems that every year I say I'm taking a break this year, and then somehow, I find myself signed up and training to walk.  This Saturday, May 11 is this year's Kick Off event for the walk, and I have been asked to speak to the group and share my story and Why I Walk.  I thought I would share it with you.  So here goes.

Would it make sense to you if you heard me say that my cancer diagnosis was a positive event in my life?  How can something so devastatingly scary be positive?  I think of it as positive because no other event (other than becoming a mom) has made me understand who I am, what I believe, and what it means to be a survivor.

When I was diagnosed at age 34,  cancer meant fear.  Fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear for my children.  Growing up, in the 70's, you didn't hear of too many people who survived "cancer."  So when I was diagnosed, naturally I thought of the worst.  But thankfully, we caught it early.  I underwent surgery and daily radiation.  And I made it! I celebrated life and every year that went by. They told me that if I made it to my 5th year without recurrence, then I could consider myself "cured." And that 5th year was my goal.  That was back in 1998.  I heard about the first Avon Walk...it was a 3-day walk back then. 60 miles from Santa Barbara to Malibu.  And it coincided with my 5 year cancer anniversary.  I remember that first walk.  Everything seemed so special.  I walked on my own, but all along the way I met so many amazing people...some were survivors just like me.  We were all walking together, all of us with different stories, yet all of us touched by cancer.  I remember that last day, walking single file along PCH into Malibu.  One foot in front of the other.  Calling up every last bit of strength from inside me.  Thinking about my grandmothers (who were both genocide survivors and powerful women of faith)...and thinking, I am their granddaughter.  I can do this.  I am a survivor!  Just believe! And I thought of my fear of cancer, and I came to the realization that I had overcome that fear.  When I saw my children at the finish line cheering me on, with their smiles and flowers, something inside me changed.  I felt powerful!  I had survived!

Life went on the years went by.  I kept up with my check ups and my mammograms.  My children grew up.  And I kept walking.  When my daughter got old enough, she signed up to walk with me. And then 2011 came and hit me with a double whammy.  You know that colonoscopy you keep putting off?  Well, don't do that!   In February of 2011, I went for my first ever colonoscopy.  Routine.  No symptoms.  Nothing.  And then wham, I was diagnosed with colon cancer after the mass they found tested positive.  Thankfully, it too was caught early.  I underwent surgery.  And during my six week recovery, I went for my annual mammogram.  I remember the day after I returned to work I got a call.  They saw "something" in my mammogram and wanted me to come in for a biopsy.  I went in the very next day, and by the following day I received the call.  I had breast cancer again.  18 years later.   Because I had radiation the first time around that was no longer an option. I had to undergo a mastectomy and opted for reconstructive surgery at the same time.  So there was a lot of coordinating and scheduling going on...and at the same time, my daughter was getting ready to graduate nursing school. This time the feeling wasn't fear, but determination.  I was going to get through this...and I was determined to make it to graduation.   I think each and every one of my medical team and hospital staff knew about my daughter's graduation. I heard more than one scheduler or nurse say, "This mama's got to make it to her baby's graduation....we need to get her there!"   That became my goal.  To make it to her graduation.  And it happened.  I had my surgery and despite the bandages, the incisions and the drains,  and was well enough to make it to graduation and hear my baby girl deliver her commencement address!

That September, just 3 months after my surgery...my daughter and I walked in the Avon Walk Santa Barbara.  We held hands as we approached the finish line.  Our family was there (as they always have been) and then looking beyond, I saw so many of my friends!  15 of my friends had rented a van and surprised us.  They had come all the way from Glendale to Santa Barbara to support us as we crossed the finish line.  It was amazing. Not only that, but they had cooredinated this huge potluck ...and they all stayed for the closing ceremony.  By the end of the closing ceremony, my brother, sisters and 7 of my friend had signed up to walk in 2012 as Team In Her Shoes so inspired by the amazing stories they heard.  Our team grew to 18 walkers last year.  And between 18 of us, we raised $35,000!

When I think about why I walk, the reason is because I can't not walk.  I walk to thank those who walked before me.  I am alive because of breast cancer research.  I walk to raise funds so the research can continue, so that someday we won't have cancer.  I walk to remember those who are survivors of this disease, for those who are fighting cancer now, and in memory of those who have lost the battle  And I carry their names with me on my 39.3 mile journey.  And I also walk to offer hope and support to others just like those that walked with me those first years of my Avon walk experience.

Finally, I know I have changed a lot from 20 years ago and my first diagnosis.  Cancer doesn't mean fear to me anymore.  Cancer has become so much more -- but in a good way.  Cancer means hope for recovery.  Cancer means love and support from friends and family.  Cancer means beauty in seeing the most ordinary of life happening around you and appreciating it for what it is - beautiful and miraculous.  Cancer means faith, prayer, and believing in your wellness and knowing  that those prayers are being answered.  And cancer means action - being proactive and aggressive when it comes to our wellness.  We have the power to make amazing changes that are happening in our lifetime.  It all starts with the first step.  I am so  looking forward to taking that next step with all of you this September!

If you would like to donate to the Avon Walk and have us walk in memory or honor of your loved one, you can follow the link to donate.  Each walker has to raise a total of $1800.  I have met my goal, but I ask that you donate to Father Vazken's goal.  You can access his donation page at:  http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/LosAngeles?px=2509651&pg=personal&fr_id=2240

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You can hear this post read on this week's podcast (May 9, 2013)  of The Next Step with Fr. Vazken on epostle.net

Remember the Helpers

I can't help but get tearful when I see the beautiful face of Richard Martin, the little 8-year-old who lost his life in Boston a couple days ago....a victim of the senseless bombing.  I can't make sense of it. Who could possibly do something like this?  My heart hurts for these families that lost their loved ones and those that are injured. And of course, just like 9-11, it makes you realize our temporary nature, our frailty and how life as we know it can change in an instant.

As of today, we still don't know who did it.  No one has taken responsibility for it.  There were photos the FBI posted today of two suspects, people are on edge, security is tightened.  But there's something else I've noticed too that is heartbreaking.  As soon as we heard of the bombings, the posts on Facebook and the internet started.  Vicious comments about Muslims, terrorists, nuking other countries, retaliation....I even read about it being a government plot by our president to take the focus off North Korea!!!  Seriously?  It's all there..and it's incredibly ugly and sad.

I understand.  We are hurting.  We're in pain.  We have lost lives...and freedoms.  I understand about terrorism and extremists.  It is unjustifiable!  It is frightening and painful.  But filling our hearts with hatred?  That is even more frightening and painful.  We will then be no better than our perpetrators.

I don't really have an answer.  But I do know hatred is not the answer.  So what can we do?  How about being kind to one another. Hugging our children, loving our families, spending more time together and not playing into the hatred.  Don't be a party to negative comments/speech especially when it deals with stereotyping. Remember there are more good people in the world than bad.  And pray. Pray for peace, patience, and for love to permeate our lives.  Pray for lives lost and lives changed because of this tragedy. And pray for an end to this violence.

Finally, I wanted to share this.  It's something I read from one of my favorite childhood TV personalities, Mr. Rogers.

"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping."  To this day, especially in times of 'disaster', I remember my mother's words and I'm always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world."  ~ Mr. Rogers
Such a beautiful sentiment that was carried through childhood into adulthood.  We need to all look for the helpers....and better yet, become the helpers.

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You can hear an audio version of this blog post on this week's episode of The Next Step with Father Vazken on epostle.net

Staying Awake with Christ

I hope you all had a very blessed Easter.  It seems like lent went by so quickly, and before you knew it,  it was Palm Sunday, and then were were living through Holy Week. I had a different perspective this year.

I wanted to share with you something I experienced on Holy Thursday.  During the Order of Darkness service we have after the Washing of the Feet, the gospel readings take us through Christ's betrayal, trial, suffering and finally his crucifixion.  It's very emotional as the 12 candles are extinguished two by two, and then the entire church is left lit by the single candle, Christ's light...and then finally we are left in complete darkness.

I've always wondered about the Garden of Gethsemane story.  How Jesus asks His disciples to stay awake with Him and pray, and returns to find that they had fallen asleep.  Didn't they care about Him?  Didn't they know what He was going through?  How could they not stay awake after He had asked them?  Well, I won't be making that judgement on them again, let me tell you.  Because I got to walk in their shoes this Holy Thursday.

So there we were, in the dark, praying on our knees, keeping vigil with Christ.  It's a long service after an doubly long day at work.  Much like the fishermen that were disciples,  my day starts early at 5:00 a.m.  I went to service that night with an open heart, with a love for our Lord, and hurting because of the suffering He endured for us.  I attended the prayer service because I wanted to be there for Him.  I wanted to stay awake.  And then slowly, as the service went on, in the darkness, the fatigue of the day set in.  My eyes were already closed in prayer...it was dark, and I could feel myself, more than once slipping away from prayer.  I'd catch myself and wake myself up, and continue....until it would overtake me again.  Eventually, I did make it through, but it wasn't easy for me.

I thought about the disciples.  Sure, I was kneeling in church with others like me.  But Christ's disciples were in a garden.  During this service in church we know what we are there for...we know the service will be long. And we also have our priest and deacons there doing the readings.  I was imagining how it would be had I been left alone, in a dark, warm garden, asked to stay awake after a long day of work (and not desk job work, but real physical work.)

What I learned from this beautiful service is that the disciples fell asleep not because they didn't love Him, and not because they were just tired, but more so because they were human.  I imagine that Christ knew this.  And as disappointed as He would be, I'm pretty sure that He understood.  Finally, I think that being human shouldn't be the cop out to not being able to follow through on what we are commanded.  We need to be "fully awake" to Christ's teachings, giving it our best shot.  And should a little dozing happen to take over, give ourselves a little nudge to wake up, refocus ourselves, and continue on, fully awake, in the light.

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You can hear this post read on this week's episode of "The Next Step with Fr. Vazken"

Traditions: Easter Eggs and Choreg on Choregshapti

Onion skin dyed eggs are a beautiful warm
brown.  Old tradition: rub crosses on them.
New tradition, use leaves to decorate.

I am like my grandmother in a lot of ways.  I am stubborn.  I’m a fighter…and a survivor.  I am a woman of faith.  But I am also like her physically too.  I have her coloring, and the older I get, the more I see her looking back at me in the mirror. And this morning, when I looked down at my dye-stained hands, I saw her hands.  And I flashed back to my childhood.  Standing in my grandmother’s kitchen with the light streaming in the window.  Seeing the colored eggs lined up on the yellow and black tile.  And watching her rub crosses on the newly-dyed Easter eggs.  My hands today look just like hers did then.  Starting to show age, not afraid of getting dirty, or working hard.  Nails short.  And dyed a little brown at the fingertips from dying eggs.

As a little girl, Easter was always an exciting time.  Usually on the Thursday evening, after going to church for the Vodnaluvah/foot washing, we would come home to dye our Easter eggs.  We had all those cool colors – the tablets that you drop in the warm water with a spoonful of vinegar, the little copper metal scoopy thing that looked like a bent paperclip, the white crayon for writing people’s names.  And every year, my little brother would always try to make a half and half egg and accidentally drop his still wet dark green egg into the beautiful yellow mixing the colors. That would get me so mad!  By the end of the evening we had a mess on our table.  But it was a lot of fun.  We were blessed to have my grandmother live right on the corner of our street.  She was over everyday, and she would bring over her carton of eggs, her special eggs, that she had dyed with onion skins. They were all one color – a warm dark brick color with crosses rubbed on them.  This was the traditional Armenian way of coloring eggs.  No gimmicks.  Just basic.  Simple, natural dye using what our people had. They were survivors.  Nothing went to waste.  The skins of the onions were used to color the eggs. 

Still doing the traditional onion skin eggs
but also trying other natural dyes like
red cabbage (blue) and beets (khaki)

I know now, that this simple gesture, of coloring the eggs this way, was her way of tying her back to her roots, her childhood.  A life that was uprooted by the genocide.  A childhood that came to an end all too soon when our people were forced from our homeland and made to walk through the desert.  She was a survivor. Although she never said it, I'm sure dying the eggs this way was an affirmation of her past...and her present.  Once I got married and left my family home, I started dying the eggs with onion skins.  It was a way to carry on the tradition. And when I had children, yes, I would still buy the Easter egg kits with the pretty colors, but I would always, always, do a couple dozen with the onion skins.  By then, my grandmother had passed away, and I was determined to keep that tradition to keep her memory alive.  And so my children grew up with this beautiful Easter tradition passed down from my grandmother. 

You all know about my empty nest.  Last October, my daughter Ani got married, and this was my first year in 25 years that I have dyed eggs without her.  Oh, she was still there…we were tweeting and texting back and forth through the process. We've always enjoyed dying eggs together. And we started a spin on the tradition a few years back…still dying with the onion skins but pressing leaves on the surface of the eggs to create designs or experimenting with other natural dyes too.  My husband came into the kitchen to ask if I needed help.  I didn’t have to answer.  He picked up an egg and worked beside me wrapping the leaves for the dye.  And as we worked, I started thinking about traditions and blessings and the past and the future.

Our family has another tradition too.  Choreg.  My mother - Mamajan -  is the choreg baker of the family.  People love this sweet soft roll that she makes at Christmas and Easter time.  It's really the best, and so good that it won a blue ribbon at the L.A. County Fair in the 60’s. As a child I would sit and watch her crank out the choreg, uniformly, one just the same size and shape as the next and placing my own wonky “s” shapes and “snail” coils on the tray beside hers.  Later, when I had children, they would go over to help her make choreg (or really just to play with the dough).  Years go by.  For the past ten years, Ani and Mamajan have been working together during the holidays to make the choreg happen.  My mom can no longer knead the huge amount of dough, and Ani has taken that over.  So this past week, my mom was asking about schedules, and when we could possibly find the time to make choreg this year.  It’s difficult, I told her, with work, Holy Week schedules, 

Mamajan & Ani
Baking Choregs on Choregshapti

life.  And then something beautiful happened.  On Palm Sunday, Ani asked Mamajan over to HER house…to make choreg together and start a new tradition.  And she also invited my two nieces to come, because it was time for them to learn too.  I watched my daughter carefully write down the list of groceries that my mother dictated to her from memory. And just today, 
Wednesday, they got to work and created tray after tray of choreg. Baking Choreg on Choregshapti.   Ani's are just like Mamajan's...and my niece's choregs were like my wonky shapes from when I was their age.

As a parent, I am so blessed to see this full circle. Young and old…the past and present.  Coming together. Traditions upheld, and new ones made. They bond us with our past, and create in us a sense of belonging, but they also help to bring familiarity to new experiences. And in a most beautiful way, they fill our hearts with the memories of dear ones whose presence is missed during these family holidays.

My beautiful choreg bakers:
Clockwise:  Madi, Ani, Mamajan and Nic

Wishing you and your family a very pomegranate Easter – filled with traditions, fresh choreg, dyed eggs and abundant with God’s blessings! Krisdos haryav e merelotz.  Ortnyal eh harootiunun Krisdosi!


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You can hear an audio version of this post read on today's podcast episode of   "The Next Step with Father Vazken"

The Journey Continues ...

Not I, nor anyone else can travel that  road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far.  It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land."
- Walk Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Prior to lent, I started my year off with the “One Little Word” project.  I blogged about it…my word for the year being Balance.  But then early on in my Lenten journey, I decided that Balance just wasn’t going to work for someone like me that does so much teetering.  Lent gave me that focus to really hone in on me, my life, what needed tweaking now, and what needs sorting through later.  Balance had to take a back burner to PEACE.  And so a few weeks ago, I declared my new word for the year.  PEACE.  And my Lenten journey is helping me to achieve it.

One of the things I worked on(and am still working on), is keeping a check on negativity.  I don’t think of myself as being a negative person at all.  But there are things in my life that I would like to change, and sometimes these things are not entirely in my control.  Or maybe they are but they require patience (also not one of my strong suits).  This leads to a degree of negativity that tends to cloud over my days sometimes.  So I’ve really been trying to make that a focus, an awareness, on my journey.  So here's an example of how the scenario goes: I’m at work, feeling like a square peg in a round hole, and I start getting all dark inside, and that leads to a mental funk.  A few minutes later, I’m assessing the situation and stopping myself from going there (okay, I'm there, but stopping myself from going deeper in).  And I’ve been turning it around and trying to focus on the positive:  I am alive; We are able to pay the bills, We ate today… I am warm today. You get the idea.  And it has really helped me to work on the “peace” issue.  The problems might still be there…and it’s not that they’re not going to get a serious looking at, but being negative in light of so much positive is just not productive.

And the second thing that I worked on was gossip – especially being on the receiving end.  This one was difficult and I’ll tell you why.  Like vegetarianism, when you don’t partake in it, the person that you’re not partaking with feels that you are judging them.  And that’s totally not the case.  I have had to stop friends and say, “if it’s bad, please don’t share that with me…I’m working on it for lent.”  I didn’t say what “it” was.  Or in the event that we were in a group, and there was conversation going on, I had to stop myself from commenting…which again is viewed as you being aloof or not wanting to participate.  BUT, I have to say that the feeling afterward is one of exhilaration. I remembered back a few years ago when I was much heavier than I am today.  Because I wasn’t happy with myself back then, I was hyper critical of others.  Whereas now, the focus is more on self-improvement. The no gossip has also gone hand in hand with the no negativity thing.  Gossip is negative.  No room for it.  And both of those have made me much more peaceful inside.

My lenten journey has helped me keep my focus on things.  There is a LOT of room for improvement in my life.  I do still need to re-visit balance and patience, but I have a feeling that they will eventually come.  Even though lent is almost over, the journey is really just beginning.  Now it’s time to take what I’ve learned about myself, and move it forward. Of course, none of these are possible without prayer – a dialogue between myself and God which helps me focus and feel like I’m on the right track.  

This Sunday being Palm Sunday, I’m looking forward to taking communion again.  It’s been six weeks.  There’s a lot to atone for, and a lot to be thankful for. I hope your Lenten journeys have been fulfilling as well.  May God give us the strength to grow from what we have learned over this period of introspection, and to carry it forward in our lives.
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You can hear this podcast read on epostle's weekly podcast, The Next Step with Fr. Vazken.  Click here to tune in.

Are you trying to get healthy?  Lose some weight?  Join me on "The Journey of the Pudgy Pomegranate" at www.pudgypomegranate.blogspot.com  

The Right, the Left, and a New Look at Direction

Today was election day.  We voted for city officials.  It's always amazing to me how much junk mail is generated at election time.  Most of the time, I don't even look at it...it goes from mailbox to trash.  But all the junk mail and phone calls to vote for this person or that person got me to thinking about my own views, not political but spiritual.  And I started thinking about the Left, the Right and what makes them so.

One of the groups I follow on FB is called The Christian Left.  I can't say that I always agree with them, but for the most part, we are aligned in our belief that Christ and his teachings are all about love and compassion.  So what makes them "left"?  We tend to think of the left as more liberal; and the right as being conservative.  I even sent off an email to my brother and said, "We are the AOL - The Armenian Orthodox Left" because at our church - our many ministries focus on a more global outreach rather than the usual ethnocentric views of other Armenian churches.

The Left side tends to be more rebellious and radical in their ideas traditionally sharing and distributing the wealth more among the needy.  While the Right is more set in their ways, more about growing business and wealth.  And then there's the Christian Right.  The ones that give the rest of us Christians a bad name.  They're the ones that judge (even when we were told "Judge not lest ye be judged." Matthew 7); and they have a lot of  hatred in them (when they condemn those that are different from themselves).  And so what they are successful in doing is drawing people further and further away from Christ's teachings in the name of Christianity.  The way that I defend my faith when I explain their actions is by telling someone who asks my opinion in comparison to theirs? - Their Jesus is not MY Jesus.  I mean seriously...we believe that God is Love...Christ is love incarnate...so what Christ is commanding us is what our God is commanding us.  It's not  just some guy off the street telling us that we should love one another and care for one another.  It's God telling us.  And if God said it, then that's good enough for me!

Okay, so now, here's where it gets tricky.  So, as an orthodox Christian, I adhere to the teachings of Christ. We follow the rules of our faith - what I like to call "Applied Christianity".  We believe that Christ is love incarnate.  To follow His teachings is to follow a path of love and compassion.  We follow the fasting traditions and dietary restrictions of our faith. We feed and clothe the needy and care for those that are suffering.  So if the RIGHT is traditionally the ones that are supposedly "conservative"; then shouldn't we be more aligned with the Right?  It seems that it all got jumbled up somewhere.  The extremists should be on the Left as they've taken the tenants of Christianity and rewritten it to their own liking.  And then there are those of us that believe in the true message of Christ who are just practicing what He preached:  Love one Another.  Take care of one another.

So forget what I said about calling ourselves the  AOL - I think we should be known as the OAR - The Orthodox Armenian Right!   Just paddling through the flotsam in the sea of life!  We should strive to live our faith through action as Christ taught.  We are not so much conservative as we are traditionalists - Traditionally, our Christ was free thinking, a non-violent revolutionary, non-condemning, loving and compassionate and forgiving.  .  Those are the qualities that I work on following in my spiritual path.

So there it is.  Something to think about.  New definitions.  It seems to me that what was Left, is now Right; and what was Right is just, well...wrong.

A Loving Divorce

I was talking to a friend the other day.  She is going through a failing marriage.  We sat and talked over coffee, sharing our pasts and thoughts and emotions, and then, and then what came out of my mouth kind of took me aback.  Not that it was surprising, because it's what I knew in my heart to be true.  But the way it flowed out came out so naturally.  What I told her was this:  Open your heart to love.  Do all things out of love, always.  Because when your heart is open to love, you will attract goodness.  And don't be afraid to fail.  Because in failure there is growth.  Learn from your mistakes, forgive and move on.

Going through a divorce is not easy.  I know because I have been there.  There are a lot of emotions, hurt, anger and pain.  And so how is it possible to have a loving divorce?  Weird question, right?  First of all, I'll tell you, it's not easy.  But it can be done.  The key is prayer and forgiveness.  Prayer has always been important to me.  It took prayer to guide me to make my decisions.  It took prayer to help me heal.  And it took a lot of prayer to forgive.

As I talked to my friend, the analogy of a wound came to mind.   In the beginning, the wound is fresh and painful.  If you keep it clean, nurture it, and take care of it, it will slowly heal.  Eventually, it will heal over and all that will be left is a small scar...to help you remember the good parts and learn from the past.  If you treat the wound with bitterness, anger and hatred, it will keep opening and festering.  A constant reminder of the bad hand you were dealt and the pain that you're going through - over and over again.

Forgiving one's self is the hardest of all.  Growing up in a family where divorce was not in the vocabulary made it especially difficult. So forgiving myself for a failing marriage was the hardest, especially when I thought about my children, division of the family, and all that bad stuff.   I am fortunate in that my ex-husband understood that we would forever be in each other's lives because of the children we have together.  We tried hard to never speak badly about one another in front of the children or otherwise.  We never allowed our kids to feel that they had to choose sides.  We worked hard to be there together for their birthdays and family events.  It was a lot of work, quite often very awkward, but in all things we thought first of our children.  And as they grew older, we had less parenting to do together, and so our differences became less and less prevalent.  Eventually, time healed the wounds and both of us  moved on and remarried.

Our children have now grown into adults.  My son was telling me the other day that he has so many friends who have divorced parents that can't stand to be in the same room with one another.  I am blessed that things worked out as they did, but it's not random chance.  Like I said, it takes a lot of work, an open heart and an ability to forgive. And it takes faith and prayer.  None of us are perfect.  Once I came to terms with this key fact, it became easier to forgive and move on.  When we pray the Lord's prayer, we ask, "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."  In other words, forgive us the way that we forgive others.  I try very hard in all things not to judge someone.  I leave that up to God.  When it's time, He will be the one to judge.  My job at this time, is to spread His love and light to others.  This is my daily prayer.

This past October, we had the honor of sharing a very blessed moment together.  My ex-husband and I walked our daughter down the aisle together as she approached the altar to marry her best friend and the love of her life.  When we kissed her and gave her over to her handsome groom, we took our place in the pew as her loving parents - next to our respective spouses.  Love is forever.  Sometimes it changes shape and reinvents itself.  Old wounds heal, and all that remains is a small scar to remember the good times, to learn from the difficult times, and to revel in the beauty of a life well-loved.

Looking Inward for Lent

It's hard to believe, but January is over and February is well underway.  For those of us that made resolutions, it's time to revisit them and assess our progress. This year, I chose one word to be a mantra, a resolution for myself.  And that word is "Balance."   I chose this word to help me focus on balancing my life, my diet, my time, my sleep.  One month into the new year, I'm still not feeling like I'm hitting the mark, but I am working on it.  The year's not over yet. 

But there's another time to set aside some time for introspection other than new year.  And that's the period of lent.   As young children, we would think for weeks about what we were going to "give up" for lent.  It had to be something we truly loved and never homework or brussels sprouts.  Inevitably, my mom and I would always give up chocolate.  But as I got older and started learning about our Armenian Orthodox faith, I started following the dietary restrictions for this period.  A full vegan diet for 40 days.  The first few years were tough, but now, we're so used to it, that's it's a welcome change for us as we bring our diets down to the basics in the idea of simplifying our lives.  

But it's not only about what we're taking into our bodies that we need to focus on, but also a look inward.  I'll never forget a lesson I learned from one of my friends at church.  This was about 6 or 7 years ago.  We had just come out of church and were standing outside chatting.  I don't remember what the conversation was about, but I turned to my friend and I started, "I shouldn't say this but..." and before I could say another word, he stopped me and said, "Then don't!"  I always remember that.    Yes, I was embarrassed for myself, but my friend was acting out of love...and he was so right.  We had just left church.  We had just taken the body and blood of Christ within us.  So his "Then don't" admonition really struck a cord and I think of that day and his words often.  And it's saved me on many occasions from gossiping.

That year, besides our vegan dietary restrictions, I also gave up gossiping for lent.  Not only not gossiping, but refusing to be part of the listening end as well.  That's the tough one.  But I learned something too.  I learned that if I couldn't speak or listen to the bad comments about someone, that without the fueling by words of the negativity about that person, their shortcomings soon fizzled out and were forgotten.  Isn’t that what we ask for ourselves? To be forgiven…for our misdeeds or wrongs to be forgotten?  Once you remove that factor, you realize that we are all the same inside...with insecurities, and good days and bad. It's the very negativity of gossip that fuels that hatred and ill-will, and makes us unable to forgive or live up to our full potentials as Children of God.  So my gossip restriction is something that I try to do year-round, but during lent, I am able to give it more focus.

But it doesn’t need to be about that either.  But more of an introspection on ourselves.  What can we improve about ourselves?  Maybe it’s having a little more patience with an elderly person in your life.  Maybe it’s changing your attitude at work.  Or a conscious effort to see the good in small things.  How about spending quality time with God and setting aside a daily prayer time?  Or taking a Facebook break and spending that time with your family or helping someone in need.  The possibilities are endless.

As we start our personal Lenten journeys, whatever they may be, let’s ask God for strength to show us how He sees us…and to work on those things that we fall short of.  We are works in progress.  Let’s embrace this Lenten period as a time of much needed renewal – body, mind and spirit.

Oh!  I almost forgot!!  :  If you're working on getting healthy (losing weight, exercising, etc.), follow my new blog:  the Journey of The Pudgy Pomegranate.  Let's do this together! 

Truly!  I looked up "gossip" images on Google, and look what I found!