Inside the Pomegranate: skid row

Showing posts with label skid row. Show all posts

30 September 2013

The Importance of Dignity (Audio)

ITP #15: October already! It’s hard to believe that the holidays are just around the corner. In this episode, Anush takes a look at extending a hand up to the homeless population, upholding dignity, and giving from the heart.
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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The Importance of Dignity

The approach of October 1 at my day job is always a time of craziness, and that made for a really trying week. It's hard to believe that September is already over, and you know that the next 3 months are going to fly by. Here in the U.S., the stores have a couple aisles side-by-side devoted to the seasonal stuff. It's a combination of Halloween costumes and candy/Thanksgiving turkeys and fall leaf decor and Christmas decorations! And that's really how it's going to come and go in a flash! It seems like just a few months ago that I was writing about my daughter's wedding, and in just a couple weeks, she and Eric will be celebrating their 1st anniversary. Already!

This time of year marks the beginning of the approaching holiday season. In general, people tend to be a little more generous during this time of year...usually. I know that the economic downturn, however, has made it stressful on many of us. It seems that the bills are always there, no matter what. And then life throws us a few curveballs along the way: the car breaks down (we know what that's about!), you've got to take an unexpected trip, medical expenses, etc. It's easy for us to get stressed out about finances. And then the Christmas season is just around the corner and with it comes the gift giving madness...you know how that goes.

As difficult as it does seem to get at times though, it's not as bad as it could be. We still have a roof over our heads, food in the fridge, clothing on our backs, and a bed to sleep in at night. At least most of us do. And this week, I wanted to talk about the part of our population that doesn't have these blessings. The homeless population.

If you've been following my blog or listening to my podcast, you know that I am involved in our In His Shoes homeless outreach. I am in tune to this vulnerable population...not only because I work downtown, but because I was brought up with parents that cared about them as well. For the past 6 years, we have been providing meals and clothing to the homeless population on L.A's streets in the skid row area on a monthly basis. And recently we have partnered with Glendale's homeless shelter and we are now providing homecooked meals to the residents there. This gives us the opportunity to not only have fun cooking for them and watching them enjoy our efforts, but it also gives us a chance to sit down with them, talk to them, and to understand that they are no different than we are....except that we have support systems, and they don't.

Today, though, I wanted to write about those that don't even have the four walls of the shelter to keep them warm and dry. I write about those that are living on the streets because I want to share some things that I've witnessed over these past weeks, months....years. Especially as it deals with dignity.

I witnessed something this past Monday morning that is still pulling at my heart today, nearly a week later. I take the bus into downtown L.A. And as I got off at my stop, there was a group of us standing at the signal waiting for it to turn green. I noticed a woman about 20 feet away. She looked poor, though I can't really tell you she was homeless. I could tell she had tried very hard to put herself together. She wore pants and a shirt. They were clean but very worn. Her hair was combed to the side, her shoes had holes. I could tell she was thinking about something. I understood from her posture and from working with the homeless that she was trying to get the courage to ask for help. She came closer. Right next to me was a beautiful woman, dressed to the "t". Shoes, clothes, make up, matching bag, jewelry were all perfect and her hair was layered and flat ironed. She was very well put together. The poor woman approached her. I heard her start the conversation which went something like this: "Ma'am, good morning. I love how you have your hair. The way it's layered. It looks so lovely on you....." Okay, now if someone said this to you, would you not have the courtesy to say, "Thank you"? I was really taken aback when the pretty woman stopped this woman in mid-sentence, held out her hand like a policeman stopping traffic and said, "Stop! If you're going to ask me for money, I don't have any!" If you could see the poor woman's expression of horror when she was confronted this way. I heard her mumble something about needing only 35 cents...and then the poor woman apologized. I was so sickened, and saddened by this. I wanted to follow her as she walked off and give her money, buy her food....but I couldn't because at that moment that's not what she needed. she had lost her dignity. I know how mortified she felt at the rich woman's response. She had mustered up all the courage she had to approach this woman in the first place, and then to be rejected so terribly. I couldn't make it worse by showing her that I had heard the whole thing. I watched her gather herself together and walk away.

You've heard me talk about my homeless friend Bob. I learned a long time ago to allow him to give back to me as well Over the course of the 5 or so years that I have had the pleasure of knowing him, he has given me so much: a penny with a hole stamped in it; a box with an Alaskan fish painted on it; a bag of nuts; a piece of candy; a white chocolate egg....and most importantly his wonderful friendship. When he first offered to share some candy with me, I thanked him and refused. But I noticed how that made him feel. When you're homeless, people avoid you. It's a given that you're going to ask for help. You already feel invisible as people avoid you, walk around you, don't acknowledge your presence. The simple act of talking to someone, and sharing something you own with them, makes you feel like you too have something to share. Like you too can contribute to the friendship. One of the things that Bob likes most, more than donations or food or money, is when people stop and talk to him. If you call him by name, he's your friend for life. And so I accept Bob's gifts of friendship. And I cherish them. Because here is someone who has so little. Everything he owns is packed onto his wheelchair...yet he has so much, that he wants to share it with me. I am touched by his friendship. Bob has got dignity!

A few years ago, I witnessed this dignity in a homeless man on one of our Skid Row outreaches.
We had pulled up to our first stop on 4th Street and San Pedro. There was a small encampment of people living in boxes (if they were lucky to have a box) or on the sidewalk. It was a cold Fall night, and a man came up and asked if I would have a pair of shoes for him. He said that he had shoes, and if we didn't have any, that was fine. But he thought he'd ask. The sidewalk had puddles from the rain that day, and the man's shoes were canvas and looked a bit damp. I dug around and found a pair of leather high top shoes. I held them up and asked if he could use them. He looked at them. He smiled. He said they looked great. He hoped they fit. He said he wouldn't take them if they didn't fit. And he took the pair of socks I offered him and set about to try them on. While he was trying them, I asked if he could use some soup, an emergency blanket? A rain poncho? "I'm good," he said. "I have everything I need, but thank you."

The shoes fit. He was smiling....and stomping around. Then he did something I will always remember. He handed me his canvas shoes, and said, "I'll donate these to you. They're worn, but someone else can make some use of them. Oh, and I'd like to give you a donation." When I thanked him but said it wasn't necessary, he said, "Oh, no, I know it's not necessary, but I'd like to. It's important that we help one another. And your group is here helping us." He pulled out two rumpled dollar bills from his pocket and handed it to me with thanks. I was so touched. He looked like all he had was the clothing on his back and the new shoes on his feet. But he was happy. You could tell he had been on the streets for a long time. But he still had his dignity. He didn't want to take without giving back.

These are just a few examples out of many that I've experienced on the street. The economic downturn can cause us all be feel less charitable. Of course, we're all feeling it. That feeling that, "I can't help someone else. Some days it feels like we can barely help ourselves." But is that really the case? Like I mentioned, if we have a roof over our heads, clothing on our backs, food in our tummies, then we CAN help others. Maybe we can't give financially, but do you have enough food? Then maybe you can pack an extra sandwich one day a week and pass it to someone who is hungry. Maybe you didn't get to eat that apple that you packed for your lunch? The gift of a piece of fresh fruit is a blessing to someone who is living on the sidewalk. Okay, maybe you don't pack your lunch. Maybe you're out on a business lunch...how about putting some of your lunch aside in a doggy bag to share with someone on the street?

The weather is starting to get chilly in the evenings. Going through your closet you find a sweater or two that you haven't worn for a couple years. It may be a designer label, but what good is it doing in your closet? Wouldn't it be nice to share that with someone who has no sweater? You see what I'm saying? This may all seem really obvious to you, but when I talk to people about the homeless population, I hear lots of different opinions and some of them are very negative and judgmental. And is it our place to judge? Nope!

When you think about it, we are all vulnerable without the love and support of our family and friends. Remove them from our personal equations and then think about what would happen if you didn't have them as your support net. Then think about not having that support, losing your job, losing your home, and then maybe having a dependency problem on top of it all. Life is not easy these days. It's it's especially tough when you're robbed of your dignity by having to ask for food and money.

I also realize that not all of you have contact with homeless individuals, but there are still shelters and food banks that could use our help. With Christmas approaching, there are families that need help. What about adopting a needy family (with your family) and providing groceries for them? Donate to your local food bank, volunteer your time at a shelter. Get involved with charitable giving. At our church, St. Peter, we have all kinds of programs to help make our Thanksgiving and Christmas more meaningful. We have our annual food drive where we provide turkeys and food to needy families in our community, we have a toy drive to provide toys for the children of domestic abuse in the shelter, and our annual blanket project has us all knitting and crocheting beautiful masterpieces to give to those in hospitals and cancer wards. What about you? There's so much to do. And so much we can do. But what we should never do is rob someone of their dignity. It's only the giving that makes us what we are!

10 December 2011

Imagine Being Invisible

Imagine what it would be like to be invisible. You would sit quietly, or not so quietly, and people would walk by not acknowledging your presence. And then what about when you spoke to them. Obviously, they would hear you, but they would ignore you...and pretend that they hadn't heard you.

This is what life is like for most of our homeless population on the streets of Los Angeles. Our monthly outreach to the Skid Row area of L.A., with our group, In His Shoes, has shed a different perspective for me on the population on the streets. With the economic downturn, there are more and more people on the street. Not just men, but women...families. I often think that we are all just a paycheck away from the street if it weren't for our support systems, be they family, friends, church.

Not all who are living on the street are "crazy", "mental patients", or "social deviants." I have met many types. For the four years that we have been doing our monthly outreach in Los Angeles, I have met the "regulars" as well as those who are in transition. From what I see, there are 4 different types on the street.

There are those that live there and LIKE living there. They are usually men in their 30's and 40's who thrive on the environment, seeing their friends on a day-to-day basis. They may be living in Single Room Occupancy apartments with very low rent, but hardly have enough for food.
The mentally challenged. There are those that have mental issues, or that have drug-related problems and they cannot function in a "normal" society
The newly homeless. This includes those that have newly lost everything, their jobs and homes. They are the ones that are trying hard to get off the streets, trying to make the best of the programs that are out there. But the programs are so impacted that they may or may not get the help that they need.
Those that are living in the shelters but don't have the ability to provide for themselves and therefore end up begging for food and clothing on the street.

I suppose what sparked this writing is a conversation that I had recently with Bob, one of my homeless friends. I see Bob on a daily basis as I walk to my car on Figueroa. Bob is disabled, in a wheelchair with one leg only. He is the kindest, gentlest and most positive soul. As passersby walk to their destinations, Bob sits there, her cup for donations on the sidewalk. He does not beg, but the cup is there. Instead he greets people, compliments them on their clothing, discusses the sporting events that happened, yet as I approach I notice that there are not many that even make eye contact with Bob. And I started wondering what that would feel like, to be a "non-person." I imagine it would disheartening, if not incredibly lonely.
A couple months ago, I noticed that Bob was wearing glasses. I asked him about it. "A couple months ago, some people took me to Costco to get my eyes checked. They ordered glasses for me, but I wasn't able to go there to pick them up." They picked them up for me and now I can see. I asked him, 'So now that you can see all of us, tell me, are we as beautiful and handsome as you always tell us we are? I mean, now that you can see." He laughed and said, "Everyone is beautiful. I love Los Angeles. I'm blesed to be here."
A couple months ago, I overheard Bob tell someone that his birthday was coming up. When I asked him, he told me his birthday was on December 7 - Pearl Harbor Day. He was going to be 53. As the weeks went by, Bob referenced his upcoming birthday a few times to me. I told him that I had the date in mind - December 7. Bob's birthday was two days ago. As I wished him happy birthday on my way to the car, and handed him a bad with his birthday gift (a pack of underwear that he had asked for), he said something to me that I will not forget. I wanted to share it with you.
After thanking me for the gift, he said, "You always remember my name. And I appreciate that, ma'am. You know who I am." I can't forget this. Our homeless brothers and sisters are people, just like you and I. They are the children of fathers and mothers. They are the brothers and sisters of families. Those families may or may not know where they are, or care about them. But this doesn't discount the fact that they are human beings with needs, fears, hopes and dreams like all of us. They just lack the support systems that we so readily enjoy. They have names and birthdays.

Happy Birthday to Bob. May your life be filled with the beauty and goodness that you so readily see in all of us.

Here's what you can donate to the homeless in your community

It's often difficult to know what to give to the homeless. I hear people tell me they don't want to give money because they fear the person will use it for alcohol or drugs. That may or may not be the case, however, if you would prefer to give items to the homeless in your community, here are some suggestions that I find are asked for on a regular basis on our homeless outreach.

Socks
Blankets/Sleeping Bags
Toiletries (the little bottles from hotels are a great size for the homeless)
Towels
Sweatshirts, Sweatpants or Jeans
Shoes

08 December 2011

Conversations about Underwear on Figueroa

About a month or so ago, I was heading toward my car on Figueroa after finishing up at work. As usual, Bob was in his spot, sitting in his wheelchair, he greeted the passers-by with "Your hair looks nice," "What a game last night, huh?", and "I like your earrings." I would say about 50% don't even make eye contact. That's pretty good considering most homeless people on the street. Bob is different. He's likeable. Very even tempered, and very complimentary. That's his schtick. That's Bob. On that day, he was asking someone if they had seen Puss n' Boots. He said that he thought it was a funny film and recommended that this man take his son to see the film. "My son is 18. He's not going to sit through Puss n' Boots." To which Bob replied, "Well, I'm going to be 53, and I sat through it...and really liked it!" At that time, I was approaching, and he starting asking me if I had seen the movie. I told him I hadn't, but asked him when his upcoming birthday was having overheard his conversation.

"December 7! I was born on Pearl Harbor Day,1958." So I remembered. For the past 6 weeks or so, every once in a while Bob would mention that he had an upcoming birthday, to which I'd say, "I know. Pearl Harbor Day, 1958." Everytime I say this, Bob says, "Aw, ma'am...you remembered my birthday." I've told Bob my name, but he calls me "ma'am" which I would hate from anyone else, but from Bob, it's okay.

So yesterday as I passed Bob, I asked him what he needed for his birthday. "Aw, ma'am, you remembered!...Well, I could use some pants, but I know a couple people that said they would get me some." I asked about food thinking I could get him a gift card to Corner Bakery (I know he likes their chili).    But he said, "no, I have enough food...I get so much from people going by that sometimes I have to give it away." So that was out. Then he said, "Ma'am? I could actually use some underwear though." I said okay, happy to have a definite gift idea. And then there I was. On Figueroa, discussing underwear with Bob. What kind? Boxers? Tighty whiteys? What size? And it struck me as funny as I was walking away because I was having this conversation about something somewhat intimate with Bob who is just really an acquaintance...but an acquaintance in need of underwear. That evening, in Costco, I told my husband that I was picking up underwear for Bob. "Who's Bob?" he asked. "Bob, my friend in the wheelchair." "Oh, okay." Neddy know I have a soft spot for the homeless.

Bob is 53 today. It's Pearl Harbor day. He has a long gray beard, long gray hair tied back in a pony tail. He has one leg and sits in a wheelchair with all his belongings tied to it.   He has soft green eyes, and would actually be a handsome man if he wasn't so unkempt. He's about the most positive man I've met. Despite the adversity, he sits there every day as the world walks by, talking to whomever will carry a conversation with him. When I ask, "How are you today, Bob." He says, "Keepin' positive! God is good." He has every reason to think the opposite. Just last week when it got to be so chilly, I asked him where he goes at night. He said that last night he spent the night on the floor of his friend's bathroom, and in his positive way said, "but it was indoors and out of the cold!" That's how Bob is. Always positive.

As I approached him today, he was talking to another homeless man who was standing close by. I watched as Bob counted out money from his cup and gave it to the man.   The man looked at me and said, "I'm hungry and just need some money for food...for a burrito." Bob was sharing his money with him, and I gave him the rest. I've seen this many times before on our homeless outreach. The sense of community and belonging of the homeless toward one another. After the man had left, I handed Bob the bag with his gift. I had wrapped his underwear six-pack in colorful paper and added a card. Bob looked inside the bag. "Aw ma'am, you remembered my birthday...and you even wrapped my present...and there's a card too? And you always remember my name. I appreciate that, ma'am, that you know my name."

Makes you think, doesn't it?    The little things are what matter. To someone who is "invisible" to the general populace, having someone know/remember your name is a big deal. Having someone even acknowledge your presence is special. And I suppose having them remember your birthday is just icing on the cake!

Happy Birthday Bob. May your life be filled with the beauty that you so easily see in all of us!

05 October 2011

A Song, a Dance, and a Blessing

This past Monday evening was our monthly homeless outreach to the Skid Row area of downtown Los Angeles. I think we're in our fourth year of the project now: feeding and clothing our friends that are down on their luck. Over the course of the past year, we've noticed more and more people living on the streets.

Each of us that attends has our own stories to tell of our experiences. Since we are spread out between the three cars that we take, we each hear the stories of those that wish to tell it; that is, if we wish to listen.

"We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon." Konrad Adenauer

On a dark street, we were passing out soup. We had a lot of clothing this time thankfully, so we were able to provide warmth right before the cold weather. It's raining today, and I'm thinking of our friends out on the street. I hope they are staying dry. As I was handing out water and snacks, this very nice looking older gentleman came up to me. I asked him if he could use some snacks, maybe some soup, dry, for the next day. He was appreciative, taking the soup and snacks in a bag for later. He gave me a sweet smile and said, "I am an artist. You should check out my YouTube video. Singing. That's the talent that God has given me." I was interested and asked his name. "My name is Octive Fellow Soul." He spelled Octive for me. : ) He told me he was homeless and trying to get discovered. He told me to check it out again. "My name is Octive, I'm a fellow, and I have soul!" And he turned a corner and was gone. So I came home and checked it out, and to my surprise, there were several videos of this Octive. All taken by people who he had come across in the street, from L.A. to New York. All taken by people whose lives he had touched to the point that, like me, they wanted to put it up on the web and share it with others. Watching this video brings me joy. Here is a man who is given a talent and despite the bad breaks in life, despite the fact that he has no home, he is staying positive doing what he loves best. Singing, entertaining. So here is my friend Octive (as seen on YouTube) singing Goody Goody.

The evening wore on. People were truly grateful for us being there. At one stop, Suzie helped a woman who was challenged trying to keep herself clean while living on the street. She was self-conscious and concerned about her hygiene. I imagined the difficulty of that - going from having a bathroom and a shower in my home, to living on the street where the only place you could go to bathe would be the local shelter.

Our final site was the most crowded. Imagine pulling up to a street where people are living on the sidewalk, some in tents, others in boxes, still others on just the concrete itself. There are people that know the ropes, and there are those that are learning. As soon as we pull up, the people come up to the cars. We yell out, "HOT SOUP! WATER!", the tailgate opens, the thermoses come out, and people line up. I end up handing out snacks and water to those that are waiting, while the others serve the soup, or fit people with clothing and shoes, blankets, etc.

I noticed this one man sitting on the sidewalk. He was wearing some shorts and a tshirt. He had no shoes. He was barefoot, but was airing out his socks. He sat there staring into space. When I approached him with some hot soup and water, he seemed confused. He didn't speak English and tried to tell me something in what sounded like Korean. I didn't understand but motioned to the clothing car where he could get clothing. He brightened up as if he remembered something he could say to me in English..."Ayana kissue" He was smiling! I want to kiss you? Is this what he was saying? He was smiling and started following me to the car. Okay Awkward...I jokingly turned to him and said, "Uh, no thanks!" He sat back down to his soup. A few minutes went by and I went to get him a pair of socks. I put it down next to him. The light went on. He nodded.

Over the next 15 -20 minutes, we tended to many many people. The clothing car was super busy as people were in need of warmer clothing now. By the time were were about to leave that site, I looked at my friend on the sidewalk. Was it the same man? There he was....Dancing! He was so happy! He had received a pair of jeans, socks, a pair of nice black shoes, and a new shirt. Not able to contain his happiness, he was dancing in place, showing us his new outfit.

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." Pierre Chardin

There are many stories like this. So many lives that are in need. And so many that just need a connection. Someone to talk to. Someone to share their talents with. Someone who will listen. We've been doing this for years now and it never gets old. The need is so great, and not only for the homeless but for us who need to be there because it helps us to walk in their shoes. We don't approach our homeless brothers and sisters out of pity, but as a sense of family and of community. We are all related in this family called humankind.

"Our humanity is a poor thing, except for the divinity that stirs within us." Francis Bacon