Thoughts On Fasting

Empty lunchbag:  Fasting on Tuesday

It's a typical Tuesday.  I got up, got ready for work, watered the garden, fed the kitties, went into the kitchen, rinsed my sprouts, and and then I grabbed my lunchbag and started packing food for the day: something for breakfast at my desk, something for lunch, some carrots for a snack....and then I remembered....Oh yeah, it's Tuesday.  I'm fasting today.

I am fasting today, and every Tuesday until July 14 in solidarity and remembrance of our brothers and sisters in Darfur.  It's been ten years since the violence has escalated there.  It's hard to believe for me that so much time has gone by, but it must feel like an eternity for those in the IDP camps.  As a granddaughter of genocide survivors, I heard similar stories of horror and displacement from my grandmothers.  While there is nothing I can do about our 98-year-old Armenian genocide, I can work toward stopping one that's going on today in Darfur.  And so I have joined this 100 day, tag-team fast.

Fasting makes me realize how much I take food for granted. We have food in the fridge.  Even when I open it and don't see anything I want, there's still food there. I am spoiled.  There's food in the cupboard too.  When I get to work, there's food there, in the kitchen. Not only food, but water, and 4 kinds of coffee, and hot cocoa and tea too.   There is food in our work area.  We are able to eat when we're hungry.  And we're able to eat when we're not hungry.  Fasting helps me understand that life is not fair.  Not everyone has what I have.  And as a practicing Christian, it is commanded of me to do something about it.  Not to look down and say, "I'm fortunate that I'm not like them," but to ask, "Why don't they have it?  And how can I share what I have with them?  How can I feel their pain?  How can I help?"

In the movie, "It's a Wonderful Life", it's said that an angel gets its wings every time you hear a bell ring.  Well, I have a different version of that.  When I'm fasting, every time my stomach growls, it's a reminder that tens of thousands of people are without food.  They don't have the choice that I do...to end the fast.  The growling is their reality.  Fasting is a very powerful tool.

Fasting helps me to move myself into a more spiritual realm of faith and power by putting aside my physical desire for food. We put our faith first above our physical needs.  And with fasting comes prayer.  A prayer for healing and focus.  That God heal our hearts to understand the needs of others before ourselves.  That we have the strength to push for justice; keep our focus strong and our hearts compassionate to their needs, and also for a realization that we all belong to one another.  I also pray for the courage to tell the story, get the word out, and remain vigilant in the cause.  Join me and many others.  Let's be the change we want to see in the world.

If you would like to join the fast, please click on this link for more information, to sign up, or to donate:
100 Day Fast for Darfur

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To hear an audio version of this post, please tune into the April 11 episode of "The Next Step with Father Vazken" at www.epostle.net

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On Being Honest

My blog is evolving as am I.  When I started out, the idea of Inside the Pomegranate was to promote my jewelry business, Pomegranate & Eye.  So I wrote about jewelry, and occasionally about our homeless outreach to the streets of Skid Row.  And then cancer happened, so I started writing about my feelings and dealings with colon cancer, and then breast cancer, mastectomy, reconstruction.  And then there was  the garden, and the illustrations.

Tonight is the eve of my 2nd reconstruction surgery.  Tomorrow, my surgeon will finish what he started back in May.  Surgery is on a good number line up day:  11/1/11 at 1:00 p.m.  : )   It's outpatient.  And then I'll be off work for the rest of the week.  I am not afraid....I'm beyond that now.  After undergoing so many surgeries this year, I'm okay with this one.  But there is one thing that I'm dreading, and that's the "drain" that he said I "may" have to have after surgery.  I'm going to try to think positive ....but that is really a big drag.

So back to the blog.  I was thinking about all that I've written about, and all that has yet to be written.  The cancer is almost over...and so are the illustrations.  The garden is lying dormant til the Spring.  But there is an issue that I've had to deal with my entire life and that is.....:::::drumroll:::: my weight.  And just like I thought it would be good for me to "go public" with my cancer, I think there's a need for going public with the issues that keep the weight on.  So here we are.

Over the course of the past two years, I have lost a lot of weight.  Slowly, but it has come off.  I've worked really hard at it...and now I'm at a point where I'm about 15 pounds from my goal, and I just can't seem to get that motivation.  So I joined Weight Watchers online thinking that  I would follow the program and be held "accountable" for my actions/food choices.  So I started the plan and found that during the day, I was doing great.  Logging everything that I ate, drank, etc.  But the evenings were a different story all together.  That's when the snack monster wakes up.  But here's the deal.

It would be okay with me if I snacked and accounted for it.  But what happened over the course of this first week is that I found myself "cheating" on my accountability.  There would be nothing wrong with eating something if I wanted to eat it.  But what's got me is that I gave in on a number of times, and didn't want to log it...or didn't want to be "honest" with how many points or what I ate.  So what's that about?  Why this need to be perfect to myself?  I mean, no one else sees my food journal.  No one in my household cares whether I have a cookie or not.  Isn't the whole idea of writing down our intake so that WE have a look at what we're doing?

Anyways, you get the idea.  It is really bothering me and so I thought I would work on it here, on the blog, and be honest with it.  Do any of you struggle with this?  If so, I'd love to hear from you.  I am going to focus this week, on being honest with myself.  It's going to be a tough one as I'll be home recuperating from surgery this week, so the temptation will be there.  But so will you.