The Post-Op Garden, Goals, & Miracles



My Garden - Six Weeks Post Op

 Back in April, with my upcoming surgery looming in the future, I set out to dig up and plant my garden.  Remember?  It took days of cleaning up the plot, pulling out the devil grass and weeds, adding new soil, watering, planting.  I knew that in the weeks to come, I wouldn't be able to dig.  Or bend.  Or use my arm.  My goal was to plant my garden before I had my mastectomy...so that all I'd need to do in the days after surgery is turn on the sprinkler and water.  And it happened.  This is a photo of my garden today...six weeks post op.  Time flew by.  A goal was set six weeks ago.  Now I'm looking at a garden that is thriving, growing, full of life.
Back in March when I got diagnosed with breast cancer round two, I knew there were things that I'd need to do to prepare for surgery.  I set another goal. 

Ani & I on graduation day - Six weeks post op

With Ani's upcoming graduation in June, I needed to make sure that I was well enough to attend this very important milestone.  In order to make it, there were things I needed to do: set my goal in my head and tell myself (okay, convince myself) that YES, I would be there at graduation with the cancer behind me.  Once I convinced myself, I needed to make it happen by making sure my healthcare team knew my intent.  So everyone involved knew I had a graduation to go to.  I think this helped tremendously as the team then became involved in my goal.  Not only were they trying to remove cancer from my body, they were working to get this mom to her daughter's graduation!  And it happened! Thank God, I am thriving. 

Like my garden, there are changes that are taking place every day.  Some are too subtle to see, even for me.  I am six weeks post op from breast cancer.  I am healing and will continue to heal for months to come.  My incisions are closed.  The bruising is almost all gone.  There is still soreness, especially under my arm and numbness throughout the breast and abdomen.  Phase two of reconstruction will happen in a few months so I'm not finished yet.  But I'm back to work.  I'm starting to be able to bend again (watch out weeds!)  And we are walking...training for Avon Walk for Breast Cancer in September (39 miles in two days!)

The other day, as I stood looking at my scars, I was commenting to Ani on what an amazing job my surgeon did.  Her comment to me was, "You know what's more amazing?  Your body's ability to heal.  The surgeon did the surgery; but it's your body that's doing all the healing."  Never thought of it that way. 

All of life is a miracle.  The idea that you can put a seed in the ground, water it, and with the help of good soil and sunshine, it will grow to a beautiful flower, or a juicy tomato.  Then there's the miracle of our daughters and sons, growing from babies to insightful, loving, caring adults.  The healing of our bodies.  The fulfillment of our dreams.  All of life.  Miracles.

Post Op Peppers



Post Op Peas



Memories of Grandma - or - Who's in the Mirror?

My grandmother lived in a duplex on the corner of our block.  She was a survivor of the Armenian genocide, a strong woman of faith, a proud American citizen, and an avid reader.  Se loved to knit, crochet and do needlework.  She also loved to garden.   I think because of the horrors she witnessed during the genocide, the beauty of her garden, the colors, the "life" it held were important and therapeutic to her.   She had a small vegetable garden in the courtyard of her duplex where she grew swiss chard, tomatoes and parsley.  While she tended to the garden, I would play waitress with her, pretending to take her order on an ivy leaf that was my pretend pad.   

She lived on the top floor of the duplex.  When you walked into her home, you would stare right at the stairs that led up to her living space.  Her house smelled like a mixture of palmolive soap and onions, and it was always cool in temperature in the grandma's house sort of way.   As a little girl, one thing that I remember are the large gardening shears that were always on the second stair of the staircase.  I remember how huge and sharp they looked, like old rusty giant's scissors.  My grandma would use these scissors to edge the grass of her front yard.  Not the garden itself, but the grass that grows in the sidewalk sections. 

She took a lot of pride in her garden.  Her knees were bad, and she'd sit on the sidewalk, one knee extended, one knee bent, and she would snip the grass where it hit the edge of the walkway, scooting herself down the plot as she worked.  Her flower garden was beautiful.  She grew fuschia flowers, the pods of which my brother and I would love to "pop" as they hung down in clusters.  She loved showy dahlias and roses, and most especially she loved to grow oriental poppies.  She would harvest the seed pods of the poppies and collect the seeds to put on her boregs and fresh baked bread.  Once she shared with me that when she and her friends were children in Armenia, she would work in the poppy fields, harvesting the pods for opium.  The beautiful red, ruffled blooms brought back happy memories of her childhood.

I've been thinking about my grandmother a lot lately.   When my life feels like it starts to get overwhelming, I think of her and her quiet strength, her faith, and her inner peace.  She had a soft face, a broad nose, her hair was long and always coiled into a bun that was pinned up at the nap of her neck.  Her stockings were knotted at the knees.  Plain.  No make up.  Basic.  Despite my health issues, compared to her life and what she had to endure as a survivor, raising a child as a single widowed mother, my life is a piece of cake. 

Lately, when I look in the mirror, I've been seeing my grandmother.  When I was young, I looked like my father; as I grow older, I look like my mother; but there are certain times, when my hair is pulled back, when I have no make up on, when I'm just plain ol' me when I look like my grandmother.  And last month, when my brother and sister came to visit me in the hospital after the mastectomy, I heard them whisper it to each other, "She looks like grandma!"  My ears heard it...and I was glad, because I thought I had been imagining it.

And the similarities don't end with looks.  I too like to knit and crochet, I love to read, and  I find a great peace in spending time in my garden.  Although I haven't had luck growing poppies, I do love to grow my vegetables and flowers.  Like her, I have bad knees and can't squat, so I do sit...and bend just like she used to. 

Yesterday, my sister Susan came over to help me weed the garden since I'm not able to pull and use my arm too well yet.  Two sisters-in-law, but truly more like sisters, we worked together - Susan turning over and loosening the dirt so that I'd easily be able to pick out the grass/weeds.  We cleaned up the garden together, talking, sharing while we worked.  And then just like my grandma, I picked up my gardening shears and trimmed the edge of the grass against the concrete.  We finished, and came into my cool house -- was it me? or did it smell like palmolive soap and onions?  I went into the bathroom to wash up, and there she was in the mirror.  I look like my grandma.  It's a nice reminder of someone that I miss and hold so dear.

The Good, the Bad and the Achey

It's Memorial Weekend.  And it's been a few days since I blogged.  Life has been fast and slow.  There are times when I feel "normal" again, walking, creating, working on various projects.  And then there are times that I just don't want to do anything:  I don't want to talk, I don't want to get dressed even. 

My abdominal incision is feeling a lot better, but there are times when I am so sore under my arm, on the new breast, across the middle where they tunneled.  The good thing is that this usually happens at the end of the day, when my body gets tired and yells out , "Enough already!  Take it easy, wouldja??" 

Yesterday, I spent most of the day with my brother and sister-in-law Susan.  I had a great day.  We went out walking, smelling the pine and jasmine in their neighborhood,  checking out the pets at the pet store.  I got to see my two handsome nephews (the third handsome nephew was in school), and it was just a very relaxed time with family.  We are so close, but life is so busy.  We don't often get to just spend time together -- where it's not a birthday or holiday, but just quality time.  It was really special.

Back at home, I worked on my new silver pomegranate necklaces and new fundraiser bracelets.  I got them photographed, cropped, ready to list.  And Ani came home.  She asked if we'd like to go see a movie.  The new Woody Allen film, Midnight in Paris, was showing in Burbank.  I thought I'd give it a try.  It was  a great film, but still too soon for me to be sitting in one position for two hours.  I kept getting shooting pains throughout the film....again, reminders from my body that I had just done a little too much today.  :::sigh:::

So here we are, Memorial weekend Saturday.  I listed my new jewelry on Etsy.  It's one o'clock in the afternoon and I'm still in my jammies.  Taking it easy today.  I do need to get out a little, but not for long.  I'm saving my energy for tomorrow.  I'm hoping to make it to church tomorrow....my first Sunday back.

The Garden, Doing Too Much Too Soon & Silver Poms

Yesterday was a good day.  I walked two miles in the morning, came home and sanded and shaped the silver pomegranates, was pretty good about my non-snacking goals (except for the afternoon Oprah sunflower seed extravaganza!), and walked a third mile when my brother came to visit.  It was bra day, and it felt good to have that extra support, to feel normal again.  Today, not so much.  : (   By evening, I was out of my clothes and into my jammies by 6:00.  Just needed to do nothing -- after I torch fired the pomegranates (there's always something to do).  It's hard to explain.  I wasn't "sleepy" tired, but my body was tired...and complaining.  My abdomen (which I didn't really feel had the right to complain since all we did was walk!), was sore...like I had done sit ups all day.  My new breast, after being loosely bound, was tender and achey.  I haven't been taking pain meds for over a week now, but it warranted meds.  "I" didn't feel like I was doing too much too soon, but I guess my body had another opinion.

So this morning, I decided to forego the walk.  Actually, my friend Sugar asked if I'd like to meet her for a walk in Montrose this evening, so I'll get in a short walk (emphasis on "short").  So it's a lazy morning (as far as exercise is concerned).  I slept in til about 8:30.  Made coffee and wire brushed the pomegranates that I had fired last night, and they are happily tumbling in the tumbler in the kitchen for the next few hours. 

My mom is coming over today.  She's bringing lunch.  Despite my insisting that I could fix us something here, that I had food, that I was able to get up and about, and that I am trying to eat healthy, etc.  "I'll bring something light."  God bless her.  Our time together is cherished.   The plan is that we will watch the final Oprah show together.  : )

And finally, this morning, I went out to put the sprinklers on the garden.  It was just a few short weeks ago, pre-surgery, that I was turning the soil, adding organic mix to my terrible dirt, watering, prepping the garden and planting because I KNEW that I wouldn't be able to dig for a few months.  Well, the garden is doing really well, and I thought I'd put up some pics to show progress.  I have tomatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, chinese peas, green beans, cucumbers, bell peppers, eggplant and a sunflowers around the border of the garden.  Nothing is harvestable yet, but it's looking good.  I need to weed (as the crabgrass is coming in again, but I can't bend.  So maybe I can do it with that little "grabber" tool that my mom bought me??  I wonder?

Before you check out the photos though, I just wanted to add a request.  I know there are a lot of you that are reading my blog.  I really appreciate all the great comments on Facebook, Twitter, etc.  I was wondering if you might consider following my blog?  Just because I like knowing who's reading (nosy that I am.)

Okay, here are the photos.  Have a beautiful day today....and remember to listen to your body and don't do too much!  : )

The garden monsters (notice the crabgrass peaking in)

The Chinese peas are starting to climb

I have bell peppers forming!



The full view, sort of.  with the new pepper and tomato plant that I'll ask Neddy to plant this weekend.  Notice the sunflowers that are about 5" high all the way down the right and in the front bottom.





Can I Vent for a Moment?

It's another beautiful day in sunny Southern California, but I woke up feeling discouraged. 
I'm tired. 
Tired of sleeping in one position. 
Tired of my back hurting. 
Tired of having drains coming out of my body - and having to empty them, log them...etc.
Tired of not being able to wear clothes because of my incisions. 
Tired of not being able to shower! 
Tired of not being able to wash my own hair. 
Tired of not being able to weed my garden (or plant new things)
Tired of not being able to bend
Tired of hurting
Tired of taking meds
Tired of asking for help
Just tired.
.......Okay, I think I'm done for now.