Homelessness, HomeWalk LA, and being Grateful (Audio)

ITP #39: This week brought with it two opportunities to reach out to the homeless community. Hear about this month's homeless outreach and some of the challenges facing families in the shelter and how you can help. And then there's that Gratitude List Anush said she's share with you. Take a listen Inside the Pomegranate.
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes

Play Now: 

Homelessness, HomeWalk LA, and being Grateful

Our crew for this months' homeless outreach including
Yn Susan, Me, Fr. Vazken, Meline (Harout's mom), Sonig
and Kevork (Harout's aunt and uncle) and Ani T.

If you tuned in to last week's episode of the Next Step with Fr. Vazken, or if you're friends with "In His Shoes" on Facebook, you've no doubt heard about our homeless outreach last Thursday evening.  I've talked out our In His Shoes homeless outreach quite often....in fact I feel like I'm talking about it all the time.  But it's important.  And I wanted to mention what a beautiful gesture it is when a meal is donated in memory of a loved one to those who have no way of repaying the kindness.  A couple months ago, the Hamparian family donated the meal in memory of their daughter Cathia.  This month the meal was donated in memory of Harout Mekhdjian by his family.  We've had many other donors who have donated in memory of a dear father and husband, sister or a mother.  And in all these instances, I can tell you that the families leave the shelter after a night of service feeling uplifted.  This past week was no different.

We arrived at the shelter at 5:00 p.m. to prep for a 6:00 p.m. dinner.  After unloading the car, we started cooking.  There were mashed potatoes and stuffing to be made.  Harout's mom and aunt and uncle were offering a prayer of Thanksgiving for their son and nephew's life, by preparing a Thanksgiving meal with all the trimmings for the shelter residents.  Together we worked.   We all had our jobs.  I have never made such a huge pot of mashed potatoes...it was something like 28 cups of water, 14 cups of milk, 8 sticks of butter, and packet after packet of mashed potatoes!  The turkeys were prepped ahead of time and kept warm in the oven.  There was cranberry sauce and gravy to go with the potatoes and stuffing.  Salad, pumpkin pie with whipped cream.  As we worked happily in the kitchen, I noticed a little girl looking at us through the window.  The kitchen at the shelter has a glass window where we can serve and pass the meals over.  And this little girl was watching us.  If she were a bit taller she would have been able to press her nose to the glass, but she was still a little too short.  She answered with a nod when I asked if she was hungry.

The shelter is home to families...and this month we had a record number of children.  The little

girl looked familiar.  I normally remember the kids from month to month and I like to surprise them by remembering their names.  But I couldn't remember her name or when I had seen her last.  But her face stumped me.  As we were cooking, the residents starting returning to the shelter, which is closed during the day as the men and women go off to look for work, and the children go to school. Some of the children were playing together in the main room while we cooked and I saw a mother with a baby in a stroller.  I had definitely seen her before and then it all clicked.  Last year, my siblings and our families had "adopted" a family for Christmas fulfilling their wish lists for clothing and gifts.  The little girl was four last Christmas but was tiny wearing only a size 2 toddler.  Now at five, she had grown a little bit more, but was still small.  The family that we adopted - who were then in transitional housing after  a fire had devasted their home - were now back at the shelter.  The mother, who was very pregnant last year, had had her baby - Gabriel.   I went up to her and reintroduced myself.  She remembered.  After commenting on how her children had grown so beautifully, I asked what had happened.  Plain and simple, she answered the funding for housing had run out.  Without that, they found themselves back on the street.  With four children, and having nowhere to turn, she came back to the shelter.  Grateful as she was to be inside, the shelter had no beds for them, and so for the time being, they were being allowed to sleep on the floor of the waiting room on blankets.  

I really can't imagine what I would do in this situation if I couldn't rely on my family or friends.  It would be so scary and difficult to be homeless just by myself, but throw my young children into the situation?  I don't know how I would manage.  I didn't know what I could possibly say.  I asked, "What's next?  What's going to happen?"  She didn't have an answer  She was hoping for some type of program that will help them get into housing.  "Hopefully," she said.   For the time being, she was grateful that they had a roof to sleep under and were off the street.

One of the things I've noticed about Ascencia is that because of it's small size, the residents all become a part of each other's family, sort of.  It's not uncommon to see the children sitting with their friends while the mom's sit and talk together at their table over dinner.  It's intimate enough for parents to keep an eye on their kids and for the children to feel safe.   Her younger children seemed unphased by all they had been through.  I'm guessing it was because this type of trauma had become their norm.  They sat with some of the other children, eating, laughing, playing with their food like children do.  Angel, her son, remembered me and came up asking me if I remembered his name.   I needed a hint and asked what letter it started with.   Once he said "A", I remembered.  And then Chris and Lauren who have been there for the past few months asked me if I remembered their names too. Of course I did.  : )  I worry about these kids during the month.   I wonder how this will effect all of them.  The one that I fear is most affected is the teenage daughter who is about 14 but already looked mature and street smart for her age.  I noticed that she was sitting with the women, listening to their talking and complaints, learning about life from these women there who have no support systems and no one to rely on. These women who have been abused and neglected.  I think about my own teenage niece who has a loving family, is doing well in school, has interests and hobbies and parents that nurture and love her.  Even when you have everything going for you, being a teen is tough when you think about it.  So then what are this girl's odds of getting out of this situation unscathed given the emotional, psychological and physical trauma she's had to endure at a young age?

Fun pics from HomeWalkLA 2014 with
my husband Ned, niece Madi and dear
friend Nancy

I don't have the answer, but I can't sit back and do nothing either. And so we walked.  This past Saturday, Team In Her Shoes participated in HomeWalk L.A.  This is a  5K walk/run organized by United Way.  It was our 7th year participating.  And this year there were a record number of us walkers:  13,000 of us took to the streets of Los Angeles to raise money and awareness for the homeless of our city.  I want to thank those of you who donated to my walk!  This year's walk generated $1.3 million dollars to be used for helping LA's homeless population.  With the money raised, 1,300 families will be housed!!!  I hope and pray that our little family in Glendale will be able to reap the benefits of our efforts.

As we walked through the streets we learned about homelessness in our city.  There are 40,000 documented homeless men, women and children in LA.  If you count the undocumented in with them, it is estimated that there is closer to 53,000.  It's heartbreaking, isn't it?  Everyone deserves a home, a place to feel safe.  53,000 of us here in our city don't have that luxury. When you look at the even broader picture, the statistic is even more staggering. The National Center on Family Homelessness reports "One in 45 children experience homelessness in America each year.  That's over 1.6 million children.  While homeless, they experience high rates of acute and chronic health problems.  The constant barrage of stressful and traumatic experience also has profound effects on their development and ability to learn."  

So where am I going with all of this?  I don't have the answer.  Well, I guess that's not really true. What we can do...what we can ALL do is to keep them in our prayers.   AND we can extend the hand

of friendship and love to them as our brothers and sisters.  I understand.  Not all homeless people are friendly, but most are used to being invisible.  When I get off my bus in downtown, it's 6:45 in the morning when I start walking the few blocks to work.   I've got my headphones in as do probably 80% of those that I pass.  There are homeless individuals who are just waking up from a night on the street.  I can choose to keep my headphones in and pass them by acting like I don't hear them asking for help.  Or I can take the headphones off and address them.   I can't always help, but I can always acknowledge that I hear them.  I can always say hello and listen.  I can always show them compassion and treat them as I would want to be treated.  Last week, I challenged my readers to get involved in their local shelters.  Offer to serve or cook a meal, donate clothing, adopt a family for the holidays.  Remember always that without our own support systems (our family and friends), it would be very easy for us to be in their shoes.  So lets help by walking in the shoes of those that are suffering, and offer a helping hand whenever we can.  It's what we're called to do. 

Finally, last week I said I was going to share a Thanksgiving list with you.  Stuff to be grateful for.  I

What if it really happened?  What would you have?

actually started doing this last month and have continued well into this month and will take it beyond. I've been trying to do FIVE a day, and I'll tell you, it's really changed my perspective so much on all that I have in this beautiful life.  So here I will just share some of them with you in the hopes that you'll share some of yours with me!

So here;s my Gratitude List so far:

I am grateful for....

1.  This beautiful day that God has put in front of me.

2.  Our beautiful grandchildren Arek and Grace who bring so much joy into my life.

3.  The ability to swing a kettle bell and bend my knees today (I have arthritis and some days the inflammation is terribly painful...but for today, the knees are good!

4.  My mom and the relationship I share with her

5.  A boss that listened to me when I told her my job was unfulfilling to me unless I could be creative.....and allowed me to work a 4 day week and keep my benefits, so I could spend time growing my business.  Or the fact that she doesn't flip out when I tell her I'm going to be late when I have to take mom to the doctor.

6.  My faith...that teaches me love, compassion, tolerance and forgiveness of others (although I'm still working on being loving, compassionate and forgiving of myself)

7.  My husband who truly is my understanding and caring partner

8.  The relationship I share with my children.  I am blessed to be close to both my daughter and son.

9.  Cloudy mornings that are so beautiful and chilly

10.  Music...and it's ability to color my life with memories

11.  Running water/plumbing:  I am always reminded of how lucky I am to have clean water, plumbing, the ability to shower and wash myself when I see my friends on the street.  

12. My sister, brothers, and their spouses.  The support and love that we give to one another makes life so much easier.

13.  Good coffee

14.  A variety of healthy beautifully colored fruits and vegetables

15.  Friendly people at the bus stop that make my wait nicer

16  My health!

17.  The ability to buy groceries and pay my bills

18.  A phone that allows me to see photos of my grandson and how quickly he's growing

19.  Bright, sunny and windy fall days like today

20.  Heating that makes my home warm and cozy on chilly evenings

21.  My kitties who love me unconditionally

22.  Dear friends to share life's ups and downs with

23.  Healthcare - I've seen both sides of this one, and life is so much easier when you have health insurance!

24.  The ability to create, visualize, and actualize a project to completion

25.  Curiosity that keeps me wanting to learn new things and figure out stuff

------I'll keep adding to the list daily and I hope it will encourage you to take a look at all that is beautiful in your lives too!

 If you'd like to share your list (or anything else with me), or if you'd like more information about sponsoring one of our homeless outreach meals, please email me at anushnoor@gmail.com or you can find me on facebook too!  Or feel free to leave your comments!

Also, we're full swing into our Thanksgiving canned food drive.  If you're in our local area of Glendale, CA and would like to participate, please bring your dry and canned goods to our church by next Sunday, November 23rd.  We'll be boxing up food and turkeys for Thanksgiving distribution on on Thanksgiving eve. 

27 Cinco de Mayo's - 27 Years of Creativity (Audio)

ITP #37: There have been 27 Cinco de Mayos since Anush's daughter Ani was born. 27 years of creativity and memories to share. On this week's episode of Inside the Pomegranate, Anush shares some memories and the blessings of being a mom.
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes

Play Now: 

27 Cinco de Mayo's - 27 Years of Creativity

Twenty-seven years ago today, on Cinco de Mayo, after 27 hours of labor, I was handed a little bundleand my life changed forever.  It was a defining moment.  From that moment on, I earned the title of "mama".  Today is my daughter Ani's birthday.  Last night, as we celebrated her birthday with family at their home, I was thinking about how blessed my life has been because of my children, and I was recalling some memories of motherhood with daughter, that have made my life so much richer.

My first life lesson happened the moment she was born and the doctor said, "You have a beautiful little girl." Surprise.  I don't know why, but we were convinced she was going to be a little boy.  This was 27 years ago remember.  Back before ultrasounds were so common.  I was so convinced that she was a boy that I packed a blue layette to bring her home in.  Don't get me wrong.  We were not disappointed in the least!  In fact, as soon as they placed her in my arms, we couldn't imagine her being a boy at all!  And just two days later, dressed in blue, we took our little girl home understanding full well that surprises can be beautiful things.

Our baby was born on Cinco de Mayo.  The fifth of May.  It's a big deal here in California.  And every

birthday since Ani was one, we have had Cinco de Mayo birthday parties.  The first year, my younger brother bought Ani a traditional Mexican dress in green, white and red.  We always made Mexican food.  Tacos, burritos, Margaritas for the parents, and a pinata for the kids.  Funny story:  On her first birthday, we invited our family and friends to celebrate Ani's birthday.  That year we bought a little clown pinata.  It was just about her size.  She was only a year old, and our nephew Varoujan was 9 months older.  The two of them watched as we filled the pinata with candy.  We took the pinata out on the patio, and the guests arrived.  We were all chatting, enjoying watching our kids playing in our backyard.  And then it was time to break open the pinata.  We invited Natasha who was 5 years old to take the first swing.  She was a 5 at the time, and could manage swinging the stick.  We blindfolded her, and she started swinging at the bobbing pinata.  The next thing we hear is Ani, Varoujan, and some of the other kids crying.  We're all wondering why, when we realize, they were terrified for their clown friend.  They had no idea why someone would want to be beating their friend with a stick.  After that year, the pinatas were not people based designs, until, I think a few years had gone by and we had the Princess Jasmine pinata.  By then she understood what a pinata was all about.

As our baby grew, I learned that my child would copy whatever she saw me doing.  This one's a no brainer, right?  My love for jewelry, and crazy colors in my hair, manifest itself in my little girl.  At her baptism when she was 5 months old, a friend of ours had made her a tiny gold initial ring, she also received a little gold bracelet with her baptism date on it, and a gold cross necklace my parents had made for her.  We put  them on her on that day, and she left them on.  She never took the ring off, played with it, put it in her mouth.  they all stayed put.  She was the only baby I knew that was not bothered stuff like that.  I didn't take my jewelry off, so why would she?  When she was just a little over a year old, she would hang my bangle bracelets from her ears as earrings as she toddled around the house.  This led to her sitting absolutely still when we got her ears pierced when she was a baby. She'd look in the mirror, touch her earrings, and say, "pee-ee!"  (Ani-talk for "pretty").

We always encouraged her to paint - at first I would color her baby cereal with food coloring, and have her finger paint with it sitting on her high chair.  And then when she was about 3 or 4, we would seriously go through a box of children's water colors every week as she would dip her brush in water and mix colors, sometimes painting on paper, and sometimes painting on her hands or her tummy, sometimes just watching the colors mix in the water, but always mixing and experimenting with colors.

She grew up with all kinds of music playing at the house.  It was the late 80s and early 90s.  She grew up with Joni Mitchell and Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Jethro Tull - music from my youth infused with The Smiths, The Cure, Morrissey, Phoebe Snow and Adam Ant.  I told this story at her wedding and probably here on the blog or podcast as well, but when she was three years old, she had made a huge mess in her room and after telling her that I WANTED it picked up, she put her little hand on her hip, turned to me and and sang - "You Can't Always Get What You Want" while waving her little finger at me.  Her dad was a Stones fan.  I remember a camping trip we took with some friends back when she was about 4.  Our friends had two little girls - one her age and one a year or two younger.  And they were playing with their buckets and shovels on the beach.  Her friend was singing, "Row, Row, Row your boat."  And our little one was singing, Morrissey's "Our Frank" - (Give it a rest, won't you?  Give me a cigarette.  The world may be ending, but look I'm only human...)

We would always buy her markers, origami paper, paints and hole punches.  She would create little pop up books, and Mother's Day coupons for me (that I have in my bible).  When she was 9, she asked for a second piercing in her ears....and then a third when she was 12.  How could I say no when I myself had my ears pierced several times?  Summers were always a time for self-expression.  Without school dress codes to worry about, summer was the time to get a pink or green streak in her hair.  When henna tattooing got popular, I was intrigued with it.  I bought henna from the Indian market, read about mixing it with lemon and eucalyptus oil and we started decorating.  It was summer, remember? Ani had intricate lacy designs henna'ed on her hands and feet.

Our children copy what we do.  Because I had breast cancer when Ani was 6 and Nareg was 12, my kids grew up with cancer awareness.  As soon as Ani was old enough to walk in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer with me, she signed up.  Walking 39.3 miles with my daughter was such an incredible celebration of life for me.  And since that time, she has continuously signed up year after year to walk or crew alongside me.  She has fasted for world hunger, and protested against the war in Afghanistan and the Darfur genocide. She has grown up a social activist.

The teenage years were memorable.  Some good memories, some not to good.  And when I say that, it's not like they were terrible...but there was the usual teenage angst, but we made it through.  By then, I was a single mom, and Ani and I were living in a tiny 1920's rock cottage together.  My son Nareg, was living with Ani's dad locally.  The rock cottage was seriously small, about 700 square feet total, and we had a lot of fun making it our own.  Every room had a "word" painted on the wall.  Ani painted her room, with the word, "Adore".  My room said, "Dream", the kitchen (with it's 6' low ceiling) and paintings and messages all over it, and the bathroom painted with, "WHOOSH!"  We spent Ani's teenage years in that house.  It was ours.  There were happy memories at our home.  And one of the most memorable was when a handsome friend, Eric, came to pick her up for the prom.  That memory is etched it my mind.  I was at the front door when he pulled up.  Ani was in her room.  I watched him walk up the driveway, then the front porch in his tux, holding a corsage.  Ani came out of her room in an apricot colored formal. Her hair was up.  She looked like a princess.  After taking a few pictures, I watched Eric open the car door for her and off they went.  I didn't know at that time, that that evening was the beginning of their lives together.  They've been together ever since.

My family has always been there for me through everything, but Ani was physically there for me.  We have

seen each other through a lot.  She was my maid of honor at my second marriage.  When she was in nursing school, I was blessed to have her by my side through two rounds of cancer in 2011.   Even though her studies were taxing, her creativity never left her.  In fact, it became her escape as she scrapbooked, cooked, baked, and collaged.   I have saved every one of her handmade cards that she's written for me.  She has always poured her heart and soul into anything she created.

She is a girl of faith.  And she knows the importance of prayer and giving thanks to God.  When I see her in prayer at church on Sunday, my heart is filled with joy.  Because I know she knows that none of this amazing life is possible without God's guidance and grace.

In 2012, she and Eric got married.  And together, they have created a home.  And now they are creating their lives together.  Last year they started a 52 soup a year project and cooked and blogged soup recipes - one a week - for the entire year.  They garden together, planting tomatoes, artichokes and plants together.  God has truly blessed us with such a wonderful son-in-law in Eric, because they take care of one another. I love that.   They've been together since the prom...and that was 9 years ago.

And now, my baby girl is 27.  Today!  My Cinco de Mayo Baby.  She's thoughtful and considerate. Compassionate and caring.  She is a loving daughter to our family, and a wife and friend to Eric.  And she is still creating.  She's in the process of creating her best work yet - our little grandson.  As I see rounded tummy, I can't help but touch her hoping to feel a kick...a connection.  I am so blessed to be a mom. God has really blessed me with life after all my health issues to see my baby become a wife, and soon a mom.  And the good part...I get to be a MedzMom!

I know that she and Eric will be wonderful parents.  And I know that the creativity will continue. There will be sunflowers to plant, and gardens to grow.  There will be messes to make, and messes to clean up. There will be sticky kisses and sweet hugs.  But for now, there's a baby room to decorate, a quilt to finish, and projects to complete before the baby comes.  I am so thankful to God for the blessings He's given me.  And for blessing me with such a wonderful daughter and friend.  Happy Birthday love bug!!!

 

Defining God (Audio)

ITP #35: Have you ever tried to define your concept of God to someone who doesn't know God but wants to? Have you ever thought about what your truth is about it? On this week's show, we're met with this challenge - helping a friend in her search for God. And through it all, we can find our own truth as well.
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes

Play Now: 

Defining God

And there are so many things going on in my life right now. Remember a couple weeks ago I shared with you about my friend who is battling a terrible drug and alcohol addiction?  Being that I too have my addictions, legal as food addictions are, the behaviors and triggers can be the same.  She is on her path to recovery, having been clean since the end of January.  And at this point on her path, her program is asking her to embrace the concept of God in her life. And then once she's done that, she must turn her life and her will over to God as she understands God to be.  And this is where she has been having a lot of trouble.  And we've had many discussions over the past week or so about defining God.

It's difficult for me to understand life without God.  I was born into my Christian faith.  My family practiced our Christianity when I was a child as we do now.  And although there were times throughout my life, that I may not have walked as closely with Him, there was never a doubt in my mind about God's existence.

This past week has been especially challenging for me, because my friend has had to define God in her terms, and I have been trying to guide her.  And let me tell you, it's tough to tell someone --  who has no concept of God -- what God and faith are all about.

We started off with our Armodoxy concept:  God is Love.  Christ is Love incarnate.  Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one.  So when we study and apply Christ's teachings of love and compassion in our lives, we are doing as God wants us to do.  Commands us to do.  It all sounds so plain and simple right?
I thought so.  But it's not so simple when you are talking to someone who does not share the experience of unconditional love, let alone a love that can be trusted and is a constant in life.

Our first experience with love is from our parents.  We are born into this world, completely helpless and dependent on our parents to nurture and protect us.  And that happened in my friends life.  Let's call her my friend Anita for the sake of this writing. At a very young age, her parents divorced.  And it was not a pretty picture.  Her childhood has memories of her parents hating one another so much that they would need to drop her off at the police station in order to exchange physical custody and not come into contact with one another.  When she was with her mother, she heard stories about her father.  And vice versa when she was with her father.  So right there, that "LOVE" factor was absent.  When parents divorce, it's difficult on everyone in the family, but most difficult on the children.  Parents  need to be mindful that it's not the child's fault.  It's not healthy for the child to have to choose sides, or even get involved in the drama and the pain.  In our conversations, Anita did share with me that she didn't understand why she was conceived in the first place since her parents were so against one another.  That's a terrible burden for a child to bear.

Then later on, as she grew older, rather than unconditional love, their love was filled with conditions.  She had to be perfect.  She had to dress and act a certain way.  There was tremendous pressure to achieve, and then having achieved early graduation and entrance into high school at age 13, she was stuck socially.  There was no one in high school her age, or her stature.  She didn't fit in.  Yes, she was brilliant in math and science, but you have to have an amazing support system outside of school in order to deal with the pressure of being unique and not fitting in within the confines of school.

I think of my own childhood.  Bullying was always there.  I was always the chubby kid.  And yes, I did get teased, but I knew that I had my support system.  My parents where there.  And I knew that if I really had a problem, I could go to them and they would make it better....at least they'd be on my side.  I think about how that would be if I didn't have that support.  Parental support, paired with an early knowledge that I could ask God to guide me, were comforting to me.  When I was a child, every night my mom would come to our room to pray with us and tuck us in.  I have to say, that although as a child, the recitation of the Lord's Prayer was not really something we gave deep thought to, it was comforting to know that there was something greater than ourselves we could rely on.

Anita didn't have that.  Just last week she commented, when she saw the cross around my neck, that she used to wear a cross.  And her father told her to take it off because "you don't want people judging you a certain way."  She said she was criticized for searching for faith.  "I used to go to church.  But that stopped. If I wore a cross, I got yelled at.  If I wore a buddha, I got yelled at."  She was in so much pain at home with an abusive father and a self-absorbed mother.  When I asked her why she didn't reach out to aunts, uncles, anyone, her answer spoke volumes.  "I thought it was normal.  I thought getting beaten was normal.  It was my normal.  As I got older, I just accepted it as my reality."  So it's no wonder that she tried to escape with substance abuse.

So back to the God concept.  So how do you explain the concept of being able to trust in a loving God, an omincient and compassionate God,  to someone who has had no experience with unconditional love, or being able to trust in love?  Not easy.  I talked this out with Fr. Vazken.  He reminded me that I had many years of working on my faith, and that as simple as our learning is - the concept that God is Love - it has come from many years of study on Christ's teachings.  He suggested that we start with the Gospel of John. So we gave it a shot, but even so, it wasn't resonating.  In order for Anita to work on her recovery, she had to find her God, a power greater than herself.  And she was at a stalemate.  This was causing her great frustration.  She had never known God. She had never needed God.  And our conversation ended with "What does God have to do with my sobriety!!!  I don't get it!!"

She has been searching.  She has a dear friend whom she talks to, so I asked what his perception of God was.  Maybe that would help her.  And I think it did.  Hearing it from one of her peers helped.  She said that her friend relied on God to be there at all times.  That it's the one thing he can trust in even when everything else around him is not going well.   God is there for him.  That was her friend's truth. Now we needed to find hers.

So we tried different concepts of God.  I understood that what Anita needs is not to believe in my God.  But to believe in God as she understands it.  And I have shared with her my insights always telling her that this was my truth, and my understanding and in seeking the truth she will come to her own understanding. So we talked about finding God in nature.  She seems to have a respect  for nature, so what was wrong with that? We talked about that.  Then one morning, after having the full moonlight shine on her through her window, she told me that she thought she maybe should would choose the  moon as her higher power.  After all, the moon was always there.  She could rely on it rising each night.  She had always identified with it.  So the moon it was.  Until it wasn't!  Because try as she might, she couldn't understand how she would rely on the moon to help her in her time of need?  That just led to more frustration.

Then I shared another analogy I had heard.  Believing in God is like riding a tandem bike with God at the front and us in the back.  It's up to us to do all the work.  To put forth the effort for our lives, our healing...and God is steering us, around all the potholes and obstacles.  I liked that.  But then again, I'm used to God being there for me.

The talks may not have been working, but the power of love was present.  I keep praying each morning that God give Anita the willingness to be open to this search.  And along with the prayers, there have been a lot of hugs and love.  Open dialogue.  I told her that my way was not to try to convert her, but to love her and help her come to her own understanding.  And I shared with her that it's difficult for me as well, to trust in God's will sometimes, and I have been brought up with God.  I am active in my faith.  And I struggle with letting go as well.  So I understood how difficult this must be for her.  It's hard, given that we are created with free will, to just give up our problems to God....to love.  But when we do, they do resolve themselves if we believe.

The problem has been that she has questions.  As to the existence of God.  And those questions cannot be backed up by scientific fact.  She is good in science, and I explained to her that science and religion go hand in hand...they complement one another.   But that what I was viewing within her was the need to BE GOD.  Not find God.  She wanted the control.  She wanted the infinite understanding of life.  She wanted to control all situations and have answers.  And so far, this type of thinking had not led her down the right path.  Because clearly she wasn't in control.  We are not in control of life.  It happens.  With all its and downs, twists and turns.  She agreed that my perception of her was true. I can't judge her on that given the cards she had been dealt.  If you can't rely on anyone, you have to rely on yourself.

Letting go, and letting God in your life is a total leap of faith.  You believe, and you trust.  And you take that jump.  And that, for the nonbeliever, is terrifying!  So we tried visualization.  Her recovery program encourages her to "act as if" she believes.  Saying that it's okay not to understand it all right now.  Just open your heart and have a willingness to believe.  Believe in the idea that there is something greater out there, and it will happen at the right time.  She wasn't really buying it totally, but I also didn't see her fighting this idea too much.

And then just two days ago, she shared with me that she felt like she was in a good place with all of it.  She said, "I'm okay.  I'm happy.  And I think I'm finally okay with where I am with it all."  I didn't question it, because most important is the need for her to hear herself say that.  And to live that moment.  I didn't ask what happened, what she believed to be true.  Just a hug.

She asked what I'd be blogging about this week.  I told her I was going to write about lent and our lenten journey together since we have been listening to Fr. Vazken's Lenten Journey each evening, but that I was thinking about our talks about defining God, and that I'd write  about that.  She thought it was a good idea. She asked me to write about it, because maybe someone out there can learn from all this.  Earlier in the week, she had a long discussion with my husband about our solar system, space, the planets, the universe, and she was very interested.  She shared this with her friend and the two of them decided to take a trip to the Griffith Park Observatory.  She had never been there despite growing up in southern California.  And she was blown away.  She showed me her cell phone pictures, and shared what she had learned.

This morning, as I was typing up my blog, I asked her what she was feeling.  Since I was blogging about our discussions, could she share with me where she was in her quest to find her God.  And she did.  She said that understanding the universe, as she had seen it last night made her realize how very small we are in the grand scheme of things.  How tiny and insignificant we are.  Yet how real our problems and our lives are to us.  She said she knew that part, but it was reinforced last night as she saw the solar system mapped out in front of her....and saw how tiny the earth was in compariston to Jupiter.  And how infinite space was.  She shared,

 "I have always had trouble relying on something consistently because my opinions on things are always changing.  There hasn't been a constant.  But looking at it all, I realize that it would be stupid of me not to believe. It's all created so perfectly, and we're a part of it all  We all fit in together, in the grand scheme of things - and we are right where we're supposed to be at this time."  

That's HUGE, right!??  I saw in her a sense of peace, for today.  And although she is not yet finished defining God, she is well on her way toward the next step of her healing. I am so grateful for Anita, and that God has blessed me and brought her to me to share this journey with her.  By doing so she has helped me to define God as well.  I am 100%, absolutely sure, that God is Love, and when we open our hearts and minds not only to God, but to one another - unconditionally - He will find us - Love will find us.  And the healing will begin.

I had shared with Anita this quote...which I read to her, and she completed because she was familiar with it,

I will take this quote one step further.  I would change the "believe in you" line to this - 

"Believe in GOD within you!

                                                

Battling Addictions with Love (Audio)

ITP #33: This week on Inside the Pomegranate, Anush starts off her lenten journey discussing addictions. Open conversations with her friend who is a recovering addict, help us to realize the importance of God's hope and love in our lives.
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes

Play Now: 

Battling Addictions with Love

Over the course of these past two weeks, I have been in discussions with a dear friend of mine.  She is a young 19.  And an addict.  It's made me think a lot about addictions.  I mean, I too have my own addictions that I'm working on.  I've come to my own understanding that sugar and I don't mix.  Or sadly, we mix too well.  Just a little bit for me, leads me to want and crave more.  And so I have had to cut it out of my life.  My friend is addicted to drugs of all kinds, and alcohol.  Over the course of these past two weeks, we have been having some discussions about God, integrity, self-worth, honesty, and ultimately peace.

When we think of people with drug addictions, our mind takes us to what we've seen on TV and movies, right? The typical drug addict: circles under the eyes, thin, vacant look on his or her face, missing or decaying teeth, zoned out, dissheveled.  You know the type, right?  But this is not the face of addiction in this case.  My friend is young, fresh-faced, beautiful smile, intelligent, fit, vibrant and charismatic.  Yet, she is an addict.

That's just one type of addict.  I'm the another type.  I'm a sugar addict.  It's taken a long time for me to figure this one out, but it's the absolute truth.  My whole life.  And yes, you may not think that a drug addiction and a sugar addiction are anywhere near the same thing.  Her addiction is to illegal drugs.  My addiction is to sugar, which is not only legal but is put in all kinds of foods,not only desserts and sweets, but it's hidden in everything from peanut butter to breads and cereals.  But the reaction is the same, and the emotional triggers that lead to it are the same too.

As our chats have continued this week, we've been touching on everything from protecting her abstinance from relapse, to surrounding ourselves by the right people: People that will elevate us and not bring us down.  We talked about that slippery slope of just one bite (for me), just one hit or drink (for her) and how we’re out of control and it can send us spiraling down.  She doesn’t want to go there.  We talked about understanding that no matter how long the period of abstinence from a substance, that addiction would still be there.  Look at what happened to Philip Seymour Hoffman after 22 years of being clean.  There’s a lot of pain there.  She understands the gift of a life…but she says there are times where she allowed herself to just spiral down.  Isn't that true of all of us?  Aren't there times that we just allow that negative spirit to take a hold of us and pull us, resigning ourselves to self-loatheing and feeling sorry for ourselves?  Focusing in on the problems that arise in the darkness rather than the solutions that lie ahead in the light?

I don't know anything about drug addiction.  And I don't really know much about drugs either beyond the scope of what I learned over watching back to back seasons of Breaking Bad, or Nurse Jackie on TV.  But I do know my own reality.  And all I can offer to my friend is my own experience and what I find strength in when I feel the need to reach for a sugary friend rather than dealing with what is stimulating that urge.  

Digging deep, through all the layers, it all goes down to the basic question:  Why am I here?  God's gift to us is life.  But it's up to us to take that gift and nurture it, grow it, and make it flower.  It was funny.  Hearing myself explain this to my friend, I was strengthening my own convictions.  So what is God's plan for us?  We talked about this.  I think each of us has to find our own joy.  What is it that makes us happy?  What is it that makes us feel like we have purpose?  For me, I find the most joy when I am creating and when I am helping the needy.  I often hear, "Your homeless outreach is such a blessing to people."  I don't look at it that way.  The reality is that the outreach is a blessing to ME. And I think anyone who has joined us on our homeless outreach has felt this. Feeding and clothing the homeless is necessary in my life because it gives my life purpose.  Yes, I have plenty of other purpose too.  I am a mom, a daughter, a sister and aunt.  I'm an artist, a wife, and all that. But I think that when we have a passion and a purpose and it's pointed in carrying out Christ's teachings of love and compassion, our lives take on a different meaning. They feel more fulfilled.  I'm totally not blowing my own horn here so please don't take it that way, but when I'm not involved in this work, I don't feel complete. That's when I start feeling empty.  And it's important to feel "full" of life.

And so what is her purpose in life?  I asked my friend, "If I could wave a magic wand and you could be anything at all in life, what would you choose?  What would you want to be?"  She got really quiet.  There was a minute of thoughtful silence.  And quietly she answered, "I think I would like to teach."  Beautiful.  A totally giving and fulfilling profession.  She is brilliant in math and science.  And we talked about the shortage of women role models in the math field and what a blessing she would be to young women, empowering them in their education.  Purpose.  

She is young.  And so the following day, I saw new joy in her when she told me she had applied to community colleges and completed her FAFSA application and sent it in.  I think there is trepidation in going back to school as well. Drugs and alcohol are prelevent in colleges and universities.  And when you're in recovery, being surrounded by your addiction can break you.  And that's where God steps in. 

Since we are created by God, and God is in each one of us, there is tremendous potential in each of us to create our own happiness and spread that light to others.  It's there, but we have to tap into it.  And we have to want to "work it" so to speak.  Without realization of that potential, it's easy to just waffle through life.  And that's when we get caught up in losing our focus.  That's when we are most vulnerable and that's when the door is open to find that happiness outside.  And it happens.

Despite the fact that I have always practiced my faith, I have used sugar as a crutch when it came to feeling my feelings.  Any reason was a good one for chocolate, right?  And I never really thought of it as an addiction before until over Christmas when I found myself having an inner dialogue with myself.  The angel on one shoulder asking myself why I was indulging again when clearly it was not in my best interest, and the devil on the other shoulder saying, "Shut up and pass the chocolate."  Searching inside, I find that my desire to be moderate is there, so why is it so difficult?  

Talking with my friend, she agreed, despite the time in spent abstaining, the addiction persists. Hanging out in the wings, waiting for that weak moment where you think you're in control.  But there is no control, and the downward spiral begins.  The good news is that you are never alone.  Ever.  The bad news is, that tempation is all around us.  \

For her short 19 years, she has seen a lot.  The drugs were there when she needed to fit in, when she was feeling unaccepted, when there was a need for comfort.  The numbness of the high kept her from feeling what was too painful in her young life.  One addiction led to another.  And another.  Tough love didn't work.

What was missing in her childhood was "love" - the unconditional, selfless love of a parent for their child.  What is missing in her life is an understanding of God.  This is what we talk a lot about.  Approaching all things through love.  The concept is foreign to her.  A loving God that cares for us. That is there for us when we need hope and strength.  As she works through her recovery, I see that she's trying to understand.  She wants to understand.  We talk a lot about acceptance and forgiveness, again, not easy concepts to grasp when you don't know God.  But we're getting there.

Last week, as we spent time together, a text message came in.  It was the notice that episode 1 of the Lenten Journey with Fr. Vazken had posted.  She was receptive to hearing it.  And so we sat and listened.  And it was so appropriate because the very first lesson was the desire in ourselves to be well.  And the second lesson, that we can't rely on others for our wellness.  It is up to us to do all that we can to see to our wellness.  Yes, we have the tools and the support from others, but until we can admit to ourselves that we want to be well and take the first steps, it's just not going to happen.

And so that's where we are.  We've been listening to each episode together each night.  Slowly, she is understanding the stability of a loving home.  There is a lot of guilt inside her.  And sadness.  But there is also this beautiful and bright light that I know will shine brightly if allowed to grow.  I shared with her one of my favorite quotes from the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King:  "There can be no deep disappointment, where there is not deep love."  Trying to reassure her that there are people that do love her, and that their disappointment in her life's course of events was only because of the love they have toward her.  There are just many different ways of showing it, and what is needed in this case is wrap-your-arms-around-her, and tell her that no matter what, you will love her type of love.

On the third night, she told me of her life.  She shared with me everything she had been through.  More than anyone should have to experience in a lifetime.  The evening ended with a long hug.  In the morning, at work at my desk, I received a message from her.  A quote by Alan Cohen:

Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself.  They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty, and your purpose when you are confused."

This Lenten Journey is going to be an extra meaningful one for both my friend and I.  The road to healing is going to a long one, but hopefully one of strength, peace, and a desire to be well.  We can't do it alone.  We hold on to one another, and God provides the love for us to accept, forgive, and be made whole.

Finding Dad in Arizona (Audio)

ITP #31: Even when they're gone, our parents are with us. They live on through our children and the talents they possess. In this episode of Inside the Pomegranate, Anush shares about her weekend in Arizona: the Tuscon Bead, Gem & Mineral show, taking in the sites of Tempe and beyond.
Link: Release the Fear - sculpture
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes

Play Now: 

Finding Dad in Arizona

Panorama of the Tempe Center for the Performing Arts and the beautiful bridge and lake walk

The flaming saganaki!

We just got home from a whirlwind trip to Arizona!  We left on Friday and drove through to Tempe, which is about 6 hours away, and where my nephew and godson Varoujan lives while working on his masters at ASU.  We traveled to Arizona for the annual Tucson Bead, Gem, and Mineral Show. This is a major event that takes place every year in February.  And I've wanted to attend this show for many years but inevitably something would always come up, and we wouldn't be able to go.  But this year, I guess the stars lined up and both Neddy and I were able to get off work.  The show is such a big event that finding a hotel room without signing off on your first born is unheard of.  Tucson is about and hour or so's drive from Tempe, so we decided to get a room there. Plus, it was nice to be near my nephew and get some time in together.  So Friday night we were able to walk around the village near ASU and go out to a Greek place for dinner.

The beautiful Phoenix Library...entire back wall is a
panoramic view of the city

We got to experience something called a "flaming saganaki"....some flaming cheese that Var and Neddy ordered.  We got to see the studio where Varouj works on his architectural projects  And we got to hear about some of the cool things that he and his team are working on in the Utah desert.  And then the added bonus of the weekend was that Var was able to join us on Saturday and come to the show with us.

So Saturday morning, before we headed out to Tucson, Varouj took us to the Phoenix library which was just this amazing building...beautiful, modern but still organic in shape.  I can't do it any justice in describing it, but here are the photos.  It was really an architectural masterpiece that was so inviting that it just made you want to use the space.  There was a special section for teens only, and when we walked through I noticed that kids could check out musical instruments if they wanted to play.  Isn't that a cool idea?  The space was amazing. I noticed this about Arizona architecture:  they utilize the natural light and the position of the sun to either light, or cast shadows on the structures.  So well thought out.

Release the Fear - sculpture made of
weapons of violence

On the way out to Tucson, we passed this sculpture on a median.  It looks like the shape of a modernistic person with their hands up in the air. Kind of in a pose of rejoicing.  Varouj told us that the entire sculpture, from the base to the figure, was created with weapons used in violent acts collected throughout Arizona.  It's an 8 ton statue, and the base has the actual weapons fused to it, and it looks like the statue is rising up from the base.  It's called "Release the Fear".  The artist is Robert John Miley, and artist who promotes the power of education and art to combat violence.  I thought it was so powerful and beautifully done. Click on the link and you can read more about it.  But here's a photo.

Beautiful Beads from Afghanistan

Checking out the handmade beads 

After that we headed on the I-10 toward Tucson.  I had no idea what to expect.  Only that it was supposed to be the end-all/ be-all bead show.  And it was. And then some.  The show is spread out all over Tucson. They even had shuttles that will take you from location to location.  We started off at the bead show which was in a large hotel.  Not only were the meeting rooms, ball rooms and outside areas filled with vendors, but so were all the hotel rooms on the first floor.  Imagine walking down a hotel corridor, and each room is a different vendor with beads, jewelry making supplies, finished pieces, or findings. I was able to get some new tools for working with the metal clays that I use for my pomegranates.  I learned some new techniques. Saw some amazing handmade beads, and stocked up on supplies from vendors that I usually only do business with online.  I know I had no idea that it would ever be this big of an event.

My weakness - beautiful
ethic beads from Africa

is it a plant? Is it a horn?
It's a fossil!

All this and it was only the first location. When you check in at the bead show, they give you a big event magazine and in there are not only all the vendors, but a map of all the locations in the city where there are more vendors/more venues.  I was looking up the location of the next bead show location, but I had already spent a lot.  I know myself well enough to know that if I went to the bead show, I'd definitely be buying stuff buying MORE stuff than I already did! There were a lot of locations for minerals and gems.  I thought the guys would like to go to the gem and mineral show.  And boy was I wrong.  It wasn't just the guys that enjoyed that part.

Beautiful amethyst crystals

I was totally blown away by it. There were ten foot high quartz crystals, 4-5 foot tall geodes filled with beautiful amethysts, and fossils that were millions of years old.  I was really amazed by a fossilized flower - something so delicate - preserved for millions of years. You could see the seeds, stems and petals and they were all preserved in stone.  All this was taking place under huge tents in vacant parking lots (that were hardly vacant).  I'm talking about huge tents...like the kind you see in revival meetings.  Like a big top.  There were all kinds of gemstones, rocks...polished and unpolished, turquoise from various mines, mounds of magnetic hematite...and meteorites.  There was a meteorite on display that was the size of a canteloupe. Neddy told me to pick it up.  I took my one hand and tried lifting, no way.  It was over 30 points.  Just solid metal.  My husband Ned, being an alien himself, was so excited to find such a great display of meteories.   It was all really interesting.  and so were the people that were there.  We saw a few that looked like they had come straight from Burning Man (maybe they had!)  And again, this was just at

The back wall of the Phoenix library

this second location.   Imagine 20-30 locations all around the city, and the show is going on for two weeks. There's no way that you could cover it all in one day, let alone during a 2-3 day weekend.  Anyway...it was such a cool thing to do, and we'd definitely like to go back and try it again...but stay longer and see more. As cool as it was, it still wasn't the BEST  part of the weekend.

The best part of the weekend was spending time with my nephew.  It was a rare time spent since when he's back in L.A., we see one another at church and family functions, but not like this past weekend where we got a chance to talk, watch the Olympics, eat, "oo and aah" over beads, walk and enjoy the day together. And I got a chance to appreciate what an amazing guy he really is.

My ever so talented nephew and godson, Varouj and me

It was a full weekend.  And Ned and I really had a great visit, and we were talking about it on the drive home.  The three of us had spent a beautiful morning walking by the river in Tempe, sunny but cold and windy.  Just the type of day that my father would have loved.  Today is the 23rd anniversary of my father's passing.  It's really hard to believe that so much time has gone by.  My father was only 58 when he died.  My daughter Ani was 3, my son Nareg was 9.  My nephew's Varoujan and Sevan, 4 and 2, I think.   My nephew Varoujan is my father's namesake.  This weekend, I got to see first hand that my father still lives on through my nephew.  It's not that he looks anything at all like my father.  But Var is incredibly talented, as was my dad.  My nephew shares my father's musical ability.  Babajan was a self-taught violin player.  He worked his way through pharmacy school playing gypsy violin in a restaurant.  But he didn't stop at the violin.  He could pretty much play whatever instrument came his way.  Mandolin, oud, doudouk, kemancheh.  Our home was always filled with music.  My nephew shares this musical ability.  Piano, self taught on clarinet so well that he played in the USC marching band, guitar, doudouk, oud, and he accompanies our church choir for the badarak. I wish I could do that.

But that's not the only similarity.  It's the creativity.  I saw it in Varoujan this weekend.  He is working on his

This is the fossilized flower I was telling you about.

Masters in Architecture.  As he was showing us the bridge at the Tempe Center for the Performing Arts, the river that runs next to it, the artistry of the design, I could feel my dad there with us...and he was beaming with pride.  My father was very much in tune to his surroundings, just like my nephew.  I remember walks with my father where he would notice the quality of light, the colors of the environment around us.  And there we were this morning on a walk, and taking in the surroundings, and Varoujan commented the way the water poured off the fountain, the colors, the deliberateness of the design.  Very Babajan-esque.

As a pharmacist, his job didn't allow him the creativity that he needed.  So after work he would find his creative release through music usually, or other projects.  I remember going to the bead store with him when I was a kid.  If my mom needed the perfect necklace to complement her outfit, he would make it for her. When my mother bought my dad a book on oriental rugs, he created a mini loom and learned the knotting techniques and wove mini versions of kilims in our kitchen.  Varoujan is very much like that.  He's a skilled woodworker, a builder, and has vision to see in his mind the way the completed outcome will turn out.  Like the zeroscape he and my sister in law created in their front yard replacing the lawn with native, drought tolerant plants (and making look great!)  Which is not always easy.

Walking the bridge in Tempe with Var and Neddy

My father's pride and joy were his grandchildren.  He saw only 4 of the 8 grandchildren that he and Mamajan share.  And because he died so young, he didn't get to see how beautifully they have grown up.  I always feel so sad that my children didn't get to know Babajan for the wonderful  grandfather he was.  And sad that they were deprived of the fun, the laughter, the music, the creativity that he brought to our family.  I can feel my dad at different times throughout the year, namely when we have important family events.  And then when weekends like this happen, I realize that he is still very much with us. And he lives on through his children and grandchildren.   I can feel his presence and I can also feel his pride of his grandchildren, and I know his spirit walks with them all.

On this 23rd anniversary of Babajan's passing, I'd like to share something he taught me.

The 10 foot quartz crystal

In my old home, I had it painted on the wall of my kitchen, and I think I'll paint it in my entry way.  He said, "Always buy lemonade from children; feed the homeless, and tip street musicians."  That's the kid of guy my dad was: sensitive to children and the dreams that they have; compassionate to those that are not fortunate enough to have the home and family that he had; and in tune to the artists of the world that make our lives more beautiful.

I miss you dad!  And I'm proud of you Varouj!  Thank you for sharing yourself with us this weekend - both of you!!