Valentine's Day - A Day to Celebrate God Within Us (Audio)

ITP #32: If God is Love, and Valentine's day is a day to celebrate love, then shouldn't Valentine's day be a day to celebrate God? On this week's Inside the Pomegranate, Anush shares some thoughts seeing the beauty and love around us, and appreciating the God within.
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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Valentine's Day - A Day to Celebrate God Within Us

Valentine's day has always been a favorite day for me.  What a beautiful day to celebrate love.  I think this was set in motion in my childhood.  My father was big on Valentine's Day.   He was a romantic, and would send my mom flowers.  It was a given.  I remember coming home from school with expectations of seeing what kind of flowers my mom got each year.  Always red (my dad's favorite color).  Roses, antheriums, gladiolas, tulips.  There were also presents for us.  My father was a pharmacist, within a larger store equivalent to say, a Walmart.  So he would come home with heart-shaped boxes of candy for each of us kids, along with little stuffed animals, mugs, whatever caught his eye.  Pre-Valentine's day, there were valentine's to choose to give to our classmates.  And I'd come home with my brown lunch bag decorated with pink and red construction paper hearts (of course) packed full of those little valentines from my classmates.  Fun times.

And I still love Valentine's day.   On Valentine's Day morning, during my prayer time, I was thinking about the concept of "God is Love".  And with all the preparation for Valentine's Day and talk about love, I started thinking about this day of love and how it ties in with God.  And so here it is.  Valentine's day is a day that we celebrate love.  And since God is love, and Christ is love incarnate, this beautiful day takes on new meaning.  Now stay with me and think about it.

What happens when Valentine's day approaches?  We head over to the store to buy our valentine cards...or we bring out the paper and pens and create our own.  We think of our loved ones regardless of their shortcomings.  I mean, if you purchase your cards, you read through the messages to find the one that best suits your love.  From sappy to funny, they all focus on the good qualities not the bad.  For that one day, we don't focus on the fact that the lightbulbs didn't get replaced, or the trash didn't get taken out, or that I leave shoes all over the house wherever I take them off.  We focus on the best in one another.  We accept one another's shortcoming and we appreciate what we do have together.  Right?

Isn't that what God does?  He understands that we are not perfect.  He accepts us with all our flaws and quirks and loves us unconditionally.  He is there for us always, whether we take the time to acknowledge Him or not, and he doesn't care if the dishes didn't get done.  And though, I'm sure He doesn't like us sometimes, He loves us ALWAYS!

And then what about the candy?  Life is sweet.  God gives us that sweetness.  The sweetness of love, the innocence of children, the ability to love.  As God is love, and we are created by God, we are created with the ability to love one another.  That love factor is implanted in each and every one of us.  It's part of our genetic make up ingrained in each of us.  But just like the God-given talents that each of us possess, it's up to us to nurture those talents and build them up. The same is true of love.  In other words, we have the tremendous capacity to love one another, and to embrace one another for the unique individuals that we are, but it takes practice?  Are we looking at the glass as half empty? or half full?  Are focusing on our loved one's faults or are we seeing them as beautiful as is?  That's the hard part, right?

And then there are the Valentine flowers.  Take a look at those flowers.  Colorful, beautiful, delicate and

intricate.  Have you ever tried mixing colors to paint a flower, or anything in nature for that matter.  The sunset, the sunrise?  It's not just "out of the tube" color.  It's a mixture.  If you're looking at a red rose. The color is not just Alizarian crimson or scarlet lake.  There are all kinds of colors within those shadows and highlights.  There is beauty in the highlights and the shadows.  Just like there are lessns to be learned during our dark days and the light happy ones.  The love that God has for us, and instills in us...and ability to see the beauty around us, are all put there by God. We delight in that beauty. The colors, the fragrances, the way it all fits together to make our lives that much more pleasurable.  Even when our days get a little cloudy, or downright dark, the beauty is still there if we can only see beyond the darkness and look toward the light within.  Because God is always there.  Love is always there.

In searching for quote on love, I came across this quote by John Lennon:
                            "We need to learn to love ourselves first in all our glory and imperfections.  
                            If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others 
                            or our potential to create."\
I glossed over this quote at first.  What didn't appeal to me was the part about loving ourselves. Self love.  It kind of comes off as being proud, boastful, conceited.  Right?  But it's not that at all.  I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately.  A lot of writing about the little things that make me tick.  And one of my biggest problems has been my lack of self-acceptance.  "Love ourselves first in all our glory and imperfections" it says.  That's a tough one.  But I am so much more than my "parts", you know?  We can learn to love ourselves imperfectly.  Simply as being God's creation with a capacity to love and radiate His divine love and light to others.  When we can put aside our own failings...our own flaws and shortcomings and just accept ourselves - love ourselves - we can then throw away the self-absorbed negative speak that goes on inside us and understand that we are all part of God's creation, no better or worse than anyone else,  we can then focus on accepting others as they are, and creating a beautiful and sweet world for all.  A world where we see the beauty of God's love in each person and open up our hearts and minds to spreading that love and kindness to others.  Here's another nice quote I came across.

So what are your thoughts on this?  I love Valentine's day.  It's a day of love...and therefore it's a day of God.  It's a chance for us to look beyond the petty - as God does.
                       To see the potential and beauty in our loved ones - as God does.
                                   And to love one another unconditionally and to celebrate God within us,
                                               and give thanks for the love and beauty around us!

I hope you all had a beautiful Valentine's day and that you carry the message of love and beauty forward everyday.

The Cancer Connection (Audio)

ITP Episode #7: Ever feel like you're in this exclusive club that no one wants to belong to? Welcome to the cancer club where Anush talks about physical and emotional connections made through this disease.
Links: www.pomegranateandeye.com
www.avonwalk.org/goto/inhershoes
www.thesketchbookproject.com
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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The Cancer Connection

One of the projects at the Sketchbook Project
was to draw a postcard to leave behind and pick up
one from another artist.  Here's the one I left behind.

This morning, our Team In Her Shoes went to a crew training day.  Last year we had 18 walkers.  This year our team has 14 members.  Some of my walkers decided to work on the crew - which is another difficult job as they have to work behind the scenes supporting the over 2,000 walkers who will need water, meals, medical services, and all that.  The crew has to wake up at the crazy early hours of 3 and 4 a.m. to get things set up for the walkers, so I'm very grateful, and totally impressed with my team.   So we met up for breakfast and then went to the training session and my crew members got their assignments today.  It was a fun morning, as it always is with our team, and in just a little over a month's time, we'll be at the Avon Walk in Santa Barbara, the weekend of September 7 & 8.  If you're in the area and want to come cheer us on at the finish line please do!  I will post more information about the route and the closing ceremonies which will take place at Carpinteria State Beach at 2:30 p.m on September 8, so do check out our facebook page.  And I've also posted photos from this morning's crew training day as well.  Check out Team In Her Shoes.

So after this busy morning with the team, we met up with my son Nareg to go to an L.A. art event.  Last year sometime, my daughter Ani and I participated in the Brooklyn Art Library's Sketchbook Project:  a mobile tour of sketchbooks from around the world that would, after touring, find their way back to become part of the permanent collection of the Brooklyn Art Library.  All participants signed up with a fee and received a small 5"x7" sketchbook which they could rebind if they chose to, and fill with whatever sketches, paintings, doodles, writings, collages - whatever they wanted to.  You mail it in by a certain set date and the book gets digitized so it can be viewed on the computer, and then it goes on national tour.  And today the tour ended in Los Angeles.  And so we went to be part of the sketchbook project and see ours, and other artists' works on display.

When we  got there, we signed up for a library card.  The mobile library was like a lunch truck set up with a window that opened to serve us.  We typed in our interest, or artist's name in the computer, and the librarian would brought us the requested sketchbook we chose PLUS a random artist's sketchbook.  The mobile library had over 4.500 sketchbooks and over the course of the tour, I have received emails from all over the country whenever someone has viewed my book.  

It was an incredibly enjoyable afternoon.  Ani and I kept checking out sketchbooks, and surrounding ourselves with all the amazing creativity that's out there, while Neddy and Nareg were looking over our shoulders.  One of the books that I came across was kind of a mixture of emotions.  All about life and death, friendship and loss.  Lots of color, and paint, collage and label maker lettering.  And as I read this sketchbook/journal, I felt such a deep connection with the artist.  Her name was Pamela.  And she was from Corvalis, Oregon.  She had been diagnosed with cancer - a non-curable form of cancer that was taking her life away, little by little, every day.  She wrote about how much she always liked her hair, and how she was going to miss it as it was falling out due to the treatments she was receiving.  She wrote about living life to the fullest.  About how much she was going to miss her friends.  And as I came to the finish of the small book, she was saying her final words as her life, and the book were coming to a close.  I stood there and all I could do was exhale a "Wow."  It left me numb.  I was holding in my hands a part of this woman's life.  The emotions were all there.  It left me wondering if she was still alive (though inside I could feel she wasn't).  

After returning the journal, I knew that my next sketchbook topic would be about my experience with this disease.  There are a lot of subjects that I could share about, but this one runs deep.  In fact, I had been asking Ani what I could blog about this week and she's the one that had the idea.  Why not blog about your cancer connections. And so here we are today.  

I sometimes liken having cancer, or having gone through cancer, as a membership in this exclusive club that no one wants to belong to.  Yet when you do belong, you are in it for life.  I am fortunate to call myself a three time cancer survivor.  As positive as I am, and as blessed as I feel, I still have to go to my appointments.  We're still looking for answers, and I still breathe a sign of relief when the doctor tells me things are fine and he'll see me next time.

When you have had cancer, other people seek you out.  People that are going through it.  Or family members who have relatives that are going through it.  You share your story with them, much like I'm doing with you.  Because you know what it's like to feel what they're feeling.  You know what it's like to get the diagnosis of the "Big C" and you know the terror associated with the idea that your health is not in your own hands.  You want to give comfort to others, and you want to give hope.  If you're a survivor, like I am, I feel there is an added responsibility to share your journey with others.  To encourage.  To share your faith and love with them.

When I got diagnosed at age 34 with breast cancer, it was difficult for me to find support.  Oh, they always tell you to seek support groups and such, but because most incidents of breast cancer are involving women that are a bit older, when you're younger, the support groups for your age aren't there.  At least they weren't back then.  I remember my doctor refering me to a support group at the hospital.  I took my mother with me and when I got there, it was my mom that was greeted by the members.  So I sought support through a cancer support group online.  And that's when I met my friend Carolyn.  She is a breast cancer survivor and a Hodgkins Lymphoma survivor, and we became friends.  It was Carolyn that first got me into walking for the cause.  We decided to sign up with Team In Training to walk the Alaska marathon, and we each trained separately - she in Kentucky and me here in L.A.  Sadly, a family loss kept her from participating in the walk.  And so I flew to Alaska myself and walked the Midnight Sun marathon there.  And then a couple years later, Carolyn and I crossed the Golden Gate Bridge together when we participated in the San Francisco marathon. Two friends who would never have known one another if it weren't for  cancer.  To this day, Carolyn and I keep in touch through Facebook. After years at one career, she went to school to become an oncology nurse, where she makes cancer connections of hope and love possible for her patients.

A year or two later,  on Christmas eve, about 16 years ago, I received an email.  It was from a woman named Diane from Minnesota.  She had read my cancer story on the internet.  As a young mother, she wrote me a letter, out of the blue.  "I just got diagnosed with breast cancer.  I'm terrified.  You and I are the same age.  I have two children just like you do.  Please tell me I'm going to survive this.  Please tell me I'm going to see my children grow up."  Diane and I became friends/penpals.  I was three years past my first round of cancer.  We would write to one another.  I would offer encouragement.  We shared a passion for drawing and gardening.  And we wrote about our mothers whom we both had close relationships with.
Diane went through surgery and treatment and she made it through.  We started corresponding through regular post, sending photos of ourselves with our children.  Christmas cards.  And then for a while I didn't hear from Diane.  Several months had gone by and then I received news that her cancer had returned.   I was numb.  But she was doing so well.  Three years had gone by since her first diagnosis.  Again we started writing, but this time she was seeing another doctor.  She wanted to go the holistic route and was traveling far to get to her treatments.  But she assured me she was doing well.  Life was busy for the both of us - but when out of the blue her husband called me one day, I knew something was up.  "I just wanted to call you, " he said.  "Diane passed away."  And he started crying.   He shared that the cancer was aggressive.  She didn't want to go through chemo.  She opted to live as much  of her life as she could with her family knowing her as they knew her.  She didn't want to be poisoned by the chemo and have her children see her that way.  And so the cancer claimed her life.  Diane was my first friend lost to cancer. For years I kept in touch with her mother, who would write me about how much she missed her daughter.  We shared that connection.  Her mom would write me about Diane's children and how they were growing, tell me about the flowers that always reminded me of her dear daughter.  Eventually, the her letters became less frequent, and then became annual Christmas cards.

There have been many others that I've shared the connection with.  My husband's boss who wrote me one day to ask for advice and prayers.  Calls from friends of friends that just want to connect...to talk to someone that knows what they're going through.   Men and women.  A friend recently reached out to me.   As her husband was getting ready to undergo chemo, she found herself filled with mixed emotions.  Fear, anger, frustration, and guilt. Things were supposed to be getting better, she said.  Life has been tough, and now this.   Sometimes you can help by consoling and offering whatever worked for you.  Other times, all you can do is listen and reassure that the feels are real and justified.  And offer prayer.

I don't know why some people get cancer and others don't.  Stress?  Diet?  Genetics?  Who knows.  What I know that I DON'T  believe is that God gives cancer to people.  But I do believe that faith can take cancer away.  I also believe that there are no coincidences in life...and that all things happen for a reason.  Sometimes the reason is very clear.  And other times, we don't understand the reason until years later.  When I got diagnosed with a second type of cancer, I urged my siblings to get checked.  It was only because of that, that my brother's cancer was diagnosed early enough to save him.  Had I not undergone cancer when I did that year, his cancer would have gone undetected.  Like I said, I don't believe in coincidence.  We are right where we are supposed to be.  We have always been close....but now we share the cancer connection as well.

Two years ago, I recieved a call from my cousin.  My childhood friend had just gotten diagnosed with breast cancer.  Through the years, she and I had lost touch basically seeing each other a couple times a year. But we now had cancer in common.  Ani and I were getting ready to walk in the Avon walk and that year, we added her name to our list of names we were carrying with us on our trek.  Because of cancer, we rekindled our friendship.  I'd like to think I helped her get through her battle in 2010 (at least a little), and come 2011, she helped me get through mine. Last year, she and I held hands together as we crossed the finish line after walking 39.3 miles in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. And this year, we'll be walking together again!  Friends together.  Survivors together.  Sharing more than just cancer.  Sharing happy, healthy times together walking for a cure!

As this year's walk is quickly approaching, I'm getting myself ready to once again go the distance for a cure.   This year there are 14 on our team, but only six of us walking.  Three of the six of us walkers are cancer survivors.  Two of us women; one a man.  Each of us sharing that strong connection as we walk with the hope that one day we'll be able to look back on cancer --  and all that we've experienced because of it -- as a thing of the past.  Til then, we'll keep walking, we'll keep dreaming, praying, hoping, and sharing the connection with those around us.

If cancer has touched your life, or the life of a friend or family member, please send me their name and I will carry them with me, every step of our 39.3 mile trek.  You can email them to me at anush@pomegranateandeye.com  or facebook message me.  And if you'd like to support our team, you can click on our Team In Her Shoes website address at www.avonwalk.org/goto/inhershoes

Why Pray?

If God is omniscient and truly knows our needs better than we do, then what is the point of prayer? I thought about this because of an email I received from a church family member and the many responses to it.  The email was addressed to five of us.  It was about one of our parishioners - a sweet woman that we all think of fondly.  This woman is a regular at church but she is a private person.  Some of us had noticed her absence on Sundays, and the email that I received was about that.   "Has anyone heard from Rose?  I heard that she's not well.  If any of you have her phone number, please let me know.  Let's keep her in our prayers."

Between the next few hours that passed after receiving the initial email, each recipient wrote in.  Whatever information any of us knew was shared with one another.  Her phone number.  When they had spoken to her last.  Someone wrote that she was going for treatment.  And each of us said we would pray for her.   Not one of us, however, asked what type of treatment, or what illness she was suffering from.   I really love this about our church family.  The need for acquiring information is not to use as a source of gossip, but out of genuine concern.    You ask someone to pray for you, and they do.  It doesn't matter if the reason for the prayer is shared with you.  It doesn't even matter that you know the person's name.  God knows all of that.  All we have to do is keep them elevated in our consciousness and amazing things happen through God's love.

The mere act of praying for someone bringstheir needs - instead of ours -- into focus. And when we know that someone is in need, we act on it.  In Rose's case, some  reported back that they had spoken to  her and relayed her progress.  Another had run into her in the market and shared with her that we missed her and were praying for her.  And what I really appreciated was one of the email responses brought into perspective that Rose is a private person, and asked that we please keep this in mind and not "share" any personal news about her with others but to just keep praying.  Incidentally, I did change Rose's name out of respect for her privacy.

The answer to the question, "Why pray?" is this:  Because it elevates our souls into acting out of love for one another - by reaching out, calling, visiting, caring for that person and in so doing - really doing God's commandment to love one another.  Praying is for US - to help us focus; to remember that all things are possible through God's love.  There is a specialness in belonging to this type of family.

Why I Walk

Right around mile 36, coming into the home stretch!

This year marks my 10th year participating in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer - a challenging 39-mile, two-day walk that raises hope, awareness and funding for breast cancer.  It seems that every year I say I'm taking a break this year, and then somehow, I find myself signed up and training to walk.  This Saturday, May 11 is this year's Kick Off event for the walk, and I have been asked to speak to the group and share my story and Why I Walk.  I thought I would share it with you.  So here goes.

Would it make sense to you if you heard me say that my cancer diagnosis was a positive event in my life?  How can something so devastatingly scary be positive?  I think of it as positive because no other event (other than becoming a mom) has made me understand who I am, what I believe, and what it means to be a survivor.

When I was diagnosed at age 34,  cancer meant fear.  Fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear for my children.  Growing up, in the 70's, you didn't hear of too many people who survived "cancer."  So when I was diagnosed, naturally I thought of the worst.  But thankfully, we caught it early.  I underwent surgery and daily radiation.  And I made it! I celebrated life and every year that went by. They told me that if I made it to my 5th year without recurrence, then I could consider myself "cured." And that 5th year was my goal.  That was back in 1998.  I heard about the first Avon Walk...it was a 3-day walk back then. 60 miles from Santa Barbara to Malibu.  And it coincided with my 5 year cancer anniversary.  I remember that first walk.  Everything seemed so special.  I walked on my own, but all along the way I met so many amazing people...some were survivors just like me.  We were all walking together, all of us with different stories, yet all of us touched by cancer.  I remember that last day, walking single file along PCH into Malibu.  One foot in front of the other.  Calling up every last bit of strength from inside me.  Thinking about my grandmothers (who were both genocide survivors and powerful women of faith)...and thinking, I am their granddaughter.  I can do this.  I am a survivor!  Just believe! And I thought of my fear of cancer, and I came to the realization that I had overcome that fear.  When I saw my children at the finish line cheering me on, with their smiles and flowers, something inside me changed.  I felt powerful!  I had survived!

Life went on the years went by.  I kept up with my check ups and my mammograms.  My children grew up.  And I kept walking.  When my daughter got old enough, she signed up to walk with me. And then 2011 came and hit me with a double whammy.  You know that colonoscopy you keep putting off?  Well, don't do that!   In February of 2011, I went for my first ever colonoscopy.  Routine.  No symptoms.  Nothing.  And then wham, I was diagnosed with colon cancer after the mass they found tested positive.  Thankfully, it too was caught early.  I underwent surgery.  And during my six week recovery, I went for my annual mammogram.  I remember the day after I returned to work I got a call.  They saw "something" in my mammogram and wanted me to come in for a biopsy.  I went in the very next day, and by the following day I received the call.  I had breast cancer again.  18 years later.   Because I had radiation the first time around that was no longer an option. I had to undergo a mastectomy and opted for reconstructive surgery at the same time.  So there was a lot of coordinating and scheduling going on...and at the same time, my daughter was getting ready to graduate nursing school. This time the feeling wasn't fear, but determination.  I was going to get through this...and I was determined to make it to graduation.   I think each and every one of my medical team and hospital staff knew about my daughter's graduation. I heard more than one scheduler or nurse say, "This mama's got to make it to her baby's graduation....we need to get her there!"   That became my goal.  To make it to her graduation.  And it happened.  I had my surgery and despite the bandages, the incisions and the drains,  and was well enough to make it to graduation and hear my baby girl deliver her commencement address!

That September, just 3 months after my surgery...my daughter and I walked in the Avon Walk Santa Barbara.  We held hands as we approached the finish line.  Our family was there (as they always have been) and then looking beyond, I saw so many of my friends!  15 of my friends had rented a van and surprised us.  They had come all the way from Glendale to Santa Barbara to support us as we crossed the finish line.  It was amazing. Not only that, but they had cooredinated this huge potluck ...and they all stayed for the closing ceremony.  By the end of the closing ceremony, my brother, sisters and 7 of my friend had signed up to walk in 2012 as Team In Her Shoes so inspired by the amazing stories they heard.  Our team grew to 18 walkers last year.  And between 18 of us, we raised $35,000!

When I think about why I walk, the reason is because I can't not walk.  I walk to thank those who walked before me.  I am alive because of breast cancer research.  I walk to raise funds so the research can continue, so that someday we won't have cancer.  I walk to remember those who are survivors of this disease, for those who are fighting cancer now, and in memory of those who have lost the battle  And I carry their names with me on my 39.3 mile journey.  And I also walk to offer hope and support to others just like those that walked with me those first years of my Avon walk experience.

Finally, I know I have changed a lot from 20 years ago and my first diagnosis.  Cancer doesn't mean fear to me anymore.  Cancer has become so much more -- but in a good way.  Cancer means hope for recovery.  Cancer means love and support from friends and family.  Cancer means beauty in seeing the most ordinary of life happening around you and appreciating it for what it is - beautiful and miraculous.  Cancer means faith, prayer, and believing in your wellness and knowing  that those prayers are being answered.  And cancer means action - being proactive and aggressive when it comes to our wellness.  We have the power to make amazing changes that are happening in our lifetime.  It all starts with the first step.  I am so  looking forward to taking that next step with all of you this September!

If you would like to donate to the Avon Walk and have us walk in memory or honor of your loved one, you can follow the link to donate.  Each walker has to raise a total of $1800.  I have met my goal, but I ask that you donate to Father Vazken's goal.  You can access his donation page at:  http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/LosAngeles?px=2509651&pg=personal&fr_id=2240

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You can hear this post read on this week's podcast (May 9, 2013)  of The Next Step with Fr. Vazken on epostle.net

The Journey Continues ...

Not I, nor anyone else can travel that  road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far.  It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land."
- Walk Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Prior to lent, I started my year off with the “One Little Word” project.  I blogged about it…my word for the year being Balance.  But then early on in my Lenten journey, I decided that Balance just wasn’t going to work for someone like me that does so much teetering.  Lent gave me that focus to really hone in on me, my life, what needed tweaking now, and what needs sorting through later.  Balance had to take a back burner to PEACE.  And so a few weeks ago, I declared my new word for the year.  PEACE.  And my Lenten journey is helping me to achieve it.

One of the things I worked on(and am still working on), is keeping a check on negativity.  I don’t think of myself as being a negative person at all.  But there are things in my life that I would like to change, and sometimes these things are not entirely in my control.  Or maybe they are but they require patience (also not one of my strong suits).  This leads to a degree of negativity that tends to cloud over my days sometimes.  So I’ve really been trying to make that a focus, an awareness, on my journey.  So here's an example of how the scenario goes: I’m at work, feeling like a square peg in a round hole, and I start getting all dark inside, and that leads to a mental funk.  A few minutes later, I’m assessing the situation and stopping myself from going there (okay, I'm there, but stopping myself from going deeper in).  And I’ve been turning it around and trying to focus on the positive:  I am alive; We are able to pay the bills, We ate today… I am warm today. You get the idea.  And it has really helped me to work on the “peace” issue.  The problems might still be there…and it’s not that they’re not going to get a serious looking at, but being negative in light of so much positive is just not productive.

And the second thing that I worked on was gossip – especially being on the receiving end.  This one was difficult and I’ll tell you why.  Like vegetarianism, when you don’t partake in it, the person that you’re not partaking with feels that you are judging them.  And that’s totally not the case.  I have had to stop friends and say, “if it’s bad, please don’t share that with me…I’m working on it for lent.”  I didn’t say what “it” was.  Or in the event that we were in a group, and there was conversation going on, I had to stop myself from commenting…which again is viewed as you being aloof or not wanting to participate.  BUT, I have to say that the feeling afterward is one of exhilaration. I remembered back a few years ago when I was much heavier than I am today.  Because I wasn’t happy with myself back then, I was hyper critical of others.  Whereas now, the focus is more on self-improvement. The no gossip has also gone hand in hand with the no negativity thing.  Gossip is negative.  No room for it.  And both of those have made me much more peaceful inside.

My lenten journey has helped me keep my focus on things.  There is a LOT of room for improvement in my life.  I do still need to re-visit balance and patience, but I have a feeling that they will eventually come.  Even though lent is almost over, the journey is really just beginning.  Now it’s time to take what I’ve learned about myself, and move it forward. Of course, none of these are possible without prayer – a dialogue between myself and God which helps me focus and feel like I’m on the right track.  

This Sunday being Palm Sunday, I’m looking forward to taking communion again.  It’s been six weeks.  There’s a lot to atone for, and a lot to be thankful for. I hope your Lenten journeys have been fulfilling as well.  May God give us the strength to grow from what we have learned over this period of introspection, and to carry it forward in our lives.
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You can hear this podcast read on epostle's weekly podcast, The Next Step with Fr. Vazken.  Click here to tune in.

Are you trying to get healthy?  Lose some weight?  Join me on "The Journey of the Pudgy Pomegranate" at www.pudgypomegranate.blogspot.com  

Patience, Perseverance and Faith

This past weekend was our annual MLK Retreat.  We came together - all of us with different reasons - for friendship, for community, for a getaway, for an excuse to get out of work - but all of us came together knowing that we would be spending the next three days together learning about the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and his teachings.

There is so much that went on.  So much that I'd like to share, but it's so wrapped in emotion.  I did a lot of soul searching this weekend.  I was able to define my own personal "ah-ha" moments as we shared stories and tried to relate our lives to Dr. King's teaching based on Christ's principles of love and non-violent resistance.

I think what I personally focused on was our ability to effect change when we lead a Christ-centered/love-centered life.  I thought about the Montgomery bus boycott and how effective it was in bringing about the civil rights movement.  I have known the facts for years, but what never occurred to me was that this change, this boycott, lasted over a year before a result was achieved.  Unlike the union strikes of today, an agreement was not reached in a week's or a month's time.  Over a year.  Why was this important to me?  Because it involved patience (not my strong suit), and it involved persistence, and faith.  It was a huge sacrifice for the protesters to be without transportation.  Given that most did not own their own cars, giving up riding a bus and having to arrange your own ride was not easy.  Yet they persevered, because sitting back was no longer an option.  And they achieved their goal of equality while riding on the bus.  And then the greater goal of equal rights was inevitable. 

I have a lot of goals in my life as well.  And all too often, they seem unattainable.  I've been trying to make a go of my jewelry business, but it's difficult with a full time day job...and then family obligations.  BUT it's not unattainable.  It's going to take time, persistence, patience and faith.  So I took this lesson away with me from the weekend.  Keep dreaming!  Keep praying!  Keep believing!

We were also asked to choose one of Dr. King's quotes and share why it spoke to us.  If you read my blog a few weeks back ("The Jumper"), I wrote about a person who was contemplating suicide by jumping off a freeway bridge.  Our building overlooked the scene and I was taken aback when some of my coworkers were going and coming out of the corner office laughing, making fun and just waiting for the poor man to jump.  As disgusted and saddened as I was by their actions, I was more disgusted by my inaction.  So you can see why this quote struck a chord with me:  "He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it.  He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it."  I still don't know why I remained silent that afternoon, but the following day I did speak out about my disappointment.  This quote helped me to focus on the fact that I do need to stand up, even when I'm standing alone.

Finally, on Monday morning, before leaving to come home, we were able to watch President Obama's inauguration ceremony.  I don't remember ever being so moved during this ceremony as I was this time around.  I think it was because of the emotions of the weekend.  And the president's inauguration was the perfect ending to it.  We sat in front of the laptop watching.  Tears streaming down some of our faces.  I thought of how young our country was and how much there was to learn.  But I was hopeful because of how far we had come since Dr. King's time.  But there was still so far to go.  There was still racial tension and hatred.  We prayed along with the prayers that were recited, and I was renewed with hope when they prayed in Christ's name.  Obama's speech was moving, hopeful and inspirational.  It was filled with love and hopefulness, and embracing diversity.  And the poem that was read by Bronco was the tip of the iceberg for me.  It was filled with imagery of our country.  Of all walks of life, or our day, of unity.  I posted it here on my blog if you missed it.

So we packed it up, and headed down the hill, forever changed.  I'm hopeful for America.  And I am hopeful for peace and for change.  But if we want change, we need to work toward it.  And not lose faith in our dreams. It's going to take patience, inconvenience, perseverance, and faith.  It's going to take action, and prayer, and a God-centered life.   But it is achievable if we truly want it.

Click HERE to  hear this blog entry  read by the author in an audio file on Next Step #242

Want to learn more about Dr. King?  See these links below.

An Ordinary Armenian Christmas

I love Armenian Christmas.  I love the fact that as an American-born Armenian, we get to celebrate Christmas with the rest of the country and enjoy the Christmas carols, gifts, Santa and all the trappings of the season, but then come January 6, we get to celebrate the birth and revelation of God.  My earliest childhood recollection is a view our priest dripping the holy oil into the large bowl of water during the traditional water blessing.  I remember the view of all the heads below me as I sat perched on my father's shoulders above the crowd.  "Watch..see the dove," he said to me in Armenian, "watch carefully and you'll see the oil will drip from its beak."  And as he said that, I remember my priest reading the prayers over the water and the muron dripping forth from the beautiful silver dove - the vessel for the holy oil.  To this day, I think of that image every time I witness this service.

In our family, the "celebration" of Armenian Christmas was more of a celebration of worship and faith.  My parents both sang in the choir, and later I would join them.  My brothers served on the altar.  My grandmothers sat in the pew with my younger sister.  We went to Christmas eve service, and then the following morning to church again. We would prepare ourselves for this holy day by fasting.   Of course, after church we would have a small family dinner with my grandparents, but it wasn't the feasting and merriment of American Christmas. And I was always good with that.  Until this year.

This year, things are different.  Times are changing, and I felt it.  My daughter and son-in-law's schedules didn't allow them to attend church this Christmas.  My son doesn't normally attend.  My mom came to Christmas Eve service, but she's getting older and attending Sunday morning was too much for her.  My husband came with me last night, and when I asked if he was attending the Christmas morning service, I didn't get an answer.  I took that for no.  My sister and her family had plans.  So this morning, I woke up, got ready, woke my husband to say goodbye, and headed down to church.  Along the way, I snapped a picture as I was driving.  There was no traffic, it was just like any other normal Sunday.  And it felt very "ordinary."

Maybe it was the fact that Christmas fell on a Sunday this year.  When it's fallen on a weekday, I take off work.  It somehow makes it less ordinary to get the day off to celebrate your holiday.  As I drove I was reflecting on how things had changed.  What had happened?   Today is a Holy day - the birth of Christ, and the revelation that He is God.  This is a big-time holiday.  It deserves our attention and effort.  I'm not saying it needs to be commercial, but maybe our idea for a lack of pageantry, is causing this important celebration to fall by the wayside.   If we don't preserve the specialness of this day, who will?

I arrived at church, and walking in I was greeted by members of my church family.  They were welcoming and joyous, greeting each other with the day's greeting:  Krisdos dzunav yev hydnetzav; Ortnyal eh hydnootiunun Kristosi!   Church was packed.  And the energy level was high.  The entire congregation was singing the hymns with the choir.  I started feeling better.  The sermon was powerful; and the congregation was happy as we heard of all the work we did this Christmas season: collecting toys for children in the shelter; caroling for the people in the hospital, feeding the hungry; making handmade blankets for the children who are suffering from cancer. It was a celebration of LIVING our Christian faith. 

When we were called up to communion, I looked back, and there in the crowd of people, I saw my husband.  Whether he felt the calling to attend, or he knew it was important to me (or both), I was happy to see him so we could celebrate this day together. 

During the water blessing, I watched my brother (our priest) pour the holy oil into the water, and I flashed back on my childhood....and the view from on top of my father's shoulders.  Even though things seemed to have changed this year, there was comfort in knowing that our service had remained the same for hundreds of years...and that this same service was going on in Armenian churches on this day all over the world.

I vowed to myself to start a new tradition to preserve the specialness of this holiday for my family.  Next year, I'm inviting the family over on Armenian Christmas Eve, after church. And I'm going to INSIST that they come.   To come together and celebrate life and the blessings that we are so fortunate to have.   This old tradition of celebrating Armenian Christmas in the celebratory sense has taken a back seat in our westernized life of "getting back on track in the New Year."  But it deserves focus and preparation.  It's time to make the old tradition new again!   The importance of this day is determined by each of us - do we choose to make it a priority in our lives? or have it be just an ordinary day?  

 

I wish you all a very blessed Christmas!  Christ is born and revealed; Blessed is the Revelation of Christ!

Pray Like a Child? - or - The Five Fingers of Prayer

Last year I made a conscious effort to set aside time to pray.  Sure, I have always prayed, but it had never been very formal, but more of a conversation with God throughout the day, while driving, while walking, etc.  Those conversations are still going on as I see God in so many things throughout my day, but I do make time - first thing in the morning - to spend serious time in private, quiet prayer. 

When I first started, I noticed that my prayers were kind of disjointed.  Giving thanks for this; and asking for that.  Then I discovered this simple way to keep the dialogue open, and to remember who/what to pray for.  Of course, there are many, many ways to pray.  And your prayer time with God is private and personal.  So I am only posting this because it has helped me.

The Five Fingers of Prayer

Whether you pray with your hands in traditional prayer pose or not, picture them as such.

Thumbs:  Your thumbs are closest to you.  So pray for those that are closest to your heart.  Your family, your friends.

Index Finger:  This finger is also known as the "pointer" finger.  Pray for those who point you in the right direction -- in the path of light.  Pray for your priest, your teachers, maybe a person who has guided you to live a better life.  Pray for their ministries, their work, and that God give them strength to continue guiding us.

Middle finger:  Your middle finger is the tallest.  Associate this with someone in high office.  Pray for the leaders of our country and all countries worldwide.  Pray that God open their hearts and minds toward peace and compassion that they can lead their people in the right path toward peace, harmony and justice.

Ring Finger:  Have you tried holding up your ring finger by itself?  The ring finger is the weakest finger.  Pray for those that are weak.  The oppressed, those that are victims of war, domestic violence, cancer, sickness, weak in spirit.  Pray for those that are hurt and suffering; for the widows and orphans.  Add the names of those that have asked you to pray for them. 

Little Finger:  The little finger is the least of the fingers.  Finally, remember to pray for yourself and your needs last of all.

It's very simple, I know.  But it makes sense and it works for me.  Whatever works, right? 
I hope you find it helpful in your prayer life.  If not for you, then possibly to explain prayer to your child.

May our New Year be filled with blessings and a renewal of faith for all of us.

New Year, New Beginnings, and a New Look

Happy New Year! 

2012 was a wonderful year for me.  So many life celebrations happened.  I celebrated my first year of being cancer free. My daughter Ani got married, and just last week we went to Chicago to meet (and love) our first grandchild - Grace - my step-daughter Robyn's baby girl. 

But there's more good stuff:  I was team leader for an amazing group of walkers - Team In Her Shoes - and together we walked 39.3 miles in two days to put an end to breast cancer, and in the process we raised in excess of $35,000!

On the creative front, I completed the illustrations for my first children's book which is coming out this year, and I expanded my use of metals and started working in bronze and copper (as well as silver).   

Last night, as we toasted in the New Year, I reflected back on New Years Eve 2011.  I was "done" with that year.  It was a tough one filled with cancer and surgeries, yet it was also a year of strength and focus, of hope and faith.  As tough as that year was, it was still triumphant because we lived through it.

I can't hope that 2013 will be "better" than last year.  Last year was pretty great.  But I do hope that it will be just as good.   There are definite goals for 2013.  I'm declaring it a year to be healthy, to be happy.

So here is how I plan to achieve this:
1.  Take the bus.  Starting tomorrow I'm back on the bus.  I've been driving to work for the past year (post surgery), and now I'm ready to switch back to public transportation.  This will do a few nice things for me not to mention the environment -
a) It will force me to walk (I'm planning on walking the 6 blocks from our home to and from the bus stop); b) It will allow me time to read/crochet - both of which I love to do. It's a win/win!

2.  Weight loss and Vegetarianism:  I plan on tackling both.  A couple months ago, I gave up eating meat.  I'm having a bit of trouble balancing the food.  No animal protein has meant higher carbs.  I'm feeling it.  It's time to get a grip on the balance.  So I'll be working on finding the happy medium.  Along the way I want to work out some good vegetarian low-cal recipes.

3.  Continue to make time for daily prayer.  I started this last year.   Early morning, alone time with God before starting the day.  I find that this prayer time sets the tone for the rest of my day.

4.  Grow my business.  Make time to create, photograph and list new items.  www.pomegranateandeye.etsy.com

These are the main goals.  I've got lots of ideas  I'm thinking I'd like to walk in the Avon Walk again.  The training will help my health goals (plus it's a lot of fun and for a great cause).  I'd also like to make sure I get to bed earlier than I have been.  But that remains to be seen.  And then there's blogging.  I'm hoping to blog regularly.

What about you?  Do you have goals for the new year?  Leave me a comment and let me know.  Need motivation? Let me know!

Wishing you and your family a happy, healthy, and blessed new year filled with love, compassion, peace and joy!

.

Pray for Peace. Believe in Peace. Live Peace

Have you every been in conversation with God when you receive a message so clear that it sort of makes you stop and say, "Is that you, God?"  I had one of those moments today during my morning prayer.  Except for one thing.  There was no doubt.  I didn't have to ask, I just knew.

I always pray for peace.  That our world leaders will wake up and work toward peace.  That we choose the right leaders for our country.  An end to fighting.  That our soldiers - all soldiers - return home safely.  For Darfur.  For my sponsored children in Chad and Malawi, for Iran, Afghanistan, you name it.   But this morning was a little different.  The concept of "if you want peace, you need to work at it.  "Pray for Peace.  Work for Peace.  Live Peace" was very prominent.

I can't explain to you how it was conveyed to me. And I finished my prayer knowing that I was going to - I was commanded to -  share this with whomever would read/listen.  And let me just say, it's nothing like the heaven opening up, actually the concept is so simple you'll probably not think it's that profound, but receiving it, it really was!  So here it is.

I was thanking God for hearing my prayers.  So many people that I have been praying for are doing so much better and I'm so thankful. I was thinking about why those prayers were answered yet we are so far from peace.  Maybe it's collective prayer:  in these instances, many are praying for the afflicted.  And because we are praying, we are living the prayer, daily, we're aware of that person's issues. We call them, we care about them, when we see them we are genuinely happy and go up to embrace them sharing our concern. And then when healing takes place, it's evident, sometimes tangible. 

With peace it's different because it's a concept.  But like anything we pray for, we have to believe, and live it.  We have to vote for candidates that will govern with Love, not hatred.  Might can't be right.  Love can be.  We have to live in peace with one another - not letting the little things bother us, forgiving people that hurt us.  Moving on from the petty.  Caring for each other.  Doing what is

What about vegetarianism?  It opens that door for me to think about.  If I'm going to live in peace, is the killing of animals keeping me from living in peace?  I haven't decided that one yet, but inside, I know that it's true, right?  It's my own pleasure that I'm seeking when I say, "yeah, but...."

This was the clear message.  We have to pray it, believe it -- correction -- "I" have to pray it, believe it and live it.  I have to keep it in the forefront of my consciousness.  If I want it as bad as I say I do, then I have to work for it (just like weight loss, walking 39 miles, like anything!)  It has to be a top concern because without peace, there is no future. 

That's the message I got today.  Pray for peace.  Believe in Peace.  Live Peace. Today I will take steps toward peace.  I want to think about this more in the coming days, weeks, months ahead.  I would love to see a world of peace and love replace the hatred and violence.  I think working together, we can achieve it!  What are your thoughts?  I would love to hear from you. 

A Song, a Dance, and a Blessing

This past Monday evening was our monthly homeless outreach to the Skid Row area of downtown Los Angeles.  I think we're in our fourth year of the project now: feeding and clothing our friends that are down on their luck.  Over the course of the past year, we've noticed more and more people living on the streets.

Each of us that attends has our own stories to tell of our experiences.  Since we are spread out between the three cars that we take, we each hear the stories of those that wish to tell it; that is, if we wish to listen. 

"We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon." Konrad Adenauer

On a dark street, we were passing out soup.  We had a lot of clothing this time thankfully, so we were able to provide warmth right before the cold weather.  It's raining today, and I'm thinking of our friends out on the street.  I hope they are staying dry.  As I was handing out water and snacks, this very nice looking older gentleman came up to me.  I asked him if he could use some snacks, maybe some soup, dry, for the next day.  He was appreciative, taking the soup and snacks in a bag for later.  He gave me a sweet smile and said, "I am an artist.  You should check out my YouTube video.  Singing.  That's the talent that God has given me."  I was interested and asked his name.  "My name is Octive Fellow Soul."  He spelled Octive for me.  : )   He told me he was homeless and trying to get discovered.  He told me to check it out again.  "My name is Octive, I'm a fellow, and I have soul!"  And he turned a corner and was gone.  So I came home and checked it out, and to my surprise, there were several videos of this Octive.  All taken by people who he had come across in the street, from L.A. to New York.  All taken by people whose lives he had touched to the point that, like me, they wanted to put it up on the web and share it with others.  Watching this video brings me joy.  Here is a man who is given a talent and despite the bad breaks in life, despite the fact that he has no home, he is staying positive doing what he loves best.  Singing, entertaining.  So here is my friend Octive (as seen on YouTube) singing Goody Goody. 

The evening wore on.  People were truly grateful for us being there.  At one stop, Suzie helped a woman who was challenged trying to keep herself clean while living on the street.  She was self-conscious and concerned about her hygiene.  I imagined the difficulty of that -  going from having a bathroom and a shower in my home, to living on the street where the only place you could go to bathe would be the local shelter. 

Our final site was the most crowded.  Imagine pulling up to a street where people are living on the sidewalk, some in tents, others in boxes, still others on just the concrete itself.  There are people that know the ropes, and there are those that are learning.  As soon as we pull up, the people come up to the cars.  We yell out, "HOT SOUP!  WATER!", the tailgate opens, the thermoses come out, and people line up.  I end up handing out snacks and water to those that are waiting, while the others serve the soup, or fit people with clothing and shoes, blankets, etc.

I noticed this one man sitting on the sidewalk.  He was wearing some shorts and a tshirt.  He had no shoes.  He was barefoot, but was airing out his socks.  He sat there staring into space.  When I approached him with some hot soup and water, he seemed confused.  He didn't speak English and tried to tell me something in what sounded like Korean.  I didn't understand but motioned to the clothing car where he could get clothing.  He brightened up as if he remembered something he could say to me in English..."Ayana kissue"   He was smiling!  I want to kiss you?  Is this what he was saying?   He was smiling and started following me to the car.  Okay Awkward...I jokingly turned to him and said,   "Uh, no thanks!"   He sat back down to his soup.  A few minutes went by and I went to get him a pair of socks.   I put it down next to him.  The light went on.  He nodded.

Over the next 15 -20 minutes, we tended to many many people.  The clothing car was super busy as people were in need of warmer clothing now.   By the time were were about to leave that site, I looked at my friend on the sidewalk.  Was it the same man?  There he was....Dancing!  He was so happy!  He had received a pair of jeans, socks, a pair of nice black shoes, and a new shirt.  Not able to contain his happiness, he was dancing in place, showing us his new outfit. 

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." Pierre Chardin

There are many stories like this.  So many lives that are in need.  And so many that just need a connection.  Someone to talk to.  Someone to share their talents with.  Someone who will listen.  We've been doing this for years now and it never gets old.   The need is so great, and not only for the homeless but for us who need to be there because it helps us to walk in their shoes.  We don't approach our homeless brothers and sisters out of pity, but as a sense of family and of community.  We are all related in this family called humankind. 

"Our humanity is a poor thing, except for the divinity that stirs within us." Francis Bacon

At Least There are Sunflowers

I haven't blogged in a long while.  I've gone back to work, back to jewelry making, I'm starting to go back to my drawings now, and life in general.  I've been walking....and walking....getting ready for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer which is now only 50 days away.  Eeeps!  You know that Ani graduated, but since my last writing, she has taken her NCLEX (nursing license exam) and passed and is now a full R.N.  My son Nareg turned 30 - a wonderful occasion to see how my little boy has grown into a man (and a kind, compassionate one at that!)  I really have a lot to be thankful for.  But then there's the garden.

There's a lesson to be learned here, and I'm trying to figure out what it is.  Remember how adamant I was about digging and getting the garden ready before my surgery?  That was a little over 3 months ago.  I worked for a week, digging and weeding, turning in new soil and planting.  It was all set.   And for a while it was good.  The peas did well (see previous blog posts), and I harvested quite a bit, but the weather got warmer and the plants maxed out. 

But what about the other stuff?  The tomatoes, the squash and cucumbers?  The peppers and green beans.  Pffffffffttt!  I don't know what happened.  Whereas my sister Susan is sharing mammoth sized zucchini with me, I have not had one.  My coworkers are bringing in bumper crops of tomatoes, I have maybe picked a handful of golf-ball sized thick-skinned tomatoes.  I had one really good green pepper...and just picked two half sized red ones (I left them on the plant thinking they'd get bigger...they just got red...:::shrug:::).  One eggplant.  One small yellow squash.  No cucumbers.  I have watered and weeded, and put in my time.  So what's up?  No clue.  I do know that I have a possum that comes out at night and if I don't harvest my tomatoes in time, he'll help himself to them...but that's not it.

What I DO have though, are sunflowers.  They are just getting ready to bloom.  I had planted them around the border of my garden (so they wouldn't block the sprinkler spray and deprive my veggies of water).  They are magnificent.  Tall and strong, turning their faces toward the sun.  A reminder of God's beauty and artistry.

I have an army of them.  A source of joy when I go out and look at my otherwise failing garden.  I have been thinking about this lately, because yes, I am disappointed with my garden...but how can I be when I have something so amazing right there in front of my eyes?

And I thought about what I've been through over the past several months.  Before being diagnosed, I had worked on getting healthy.  Losing weight, eating right, exercising.  I had put in my time to make myself a healthier person.  Despite all this effort, I was diagnosed first with colon cancer, and then with breast cancer.  I underwent surgeries.  I recuperated.  I followed doctor's orders.  And I, thank God, am well.  I may not be "thriving" yet...but I'm doing okay.  Giving off a tomato here, and a pepper there (metaphorically speaking, of course.)  But still, I'm doing okay, y'know?  But oh, the SUNFLOWERS!  They're the blessings in my life:  my children, my family, God's presence, my ability to help others, compassion, peace, and love.  They are more than thriving.  They are starting to BLOOM.  This is what is bringing me JOY.

I am thankful for all the parts of my garden.  The ability to even have a space to have a garden.  The strength that I enjoy to work in the garden.  The blessing of having clean water in pipes that flow to water my garden.  And even for the disappointments of failed crops.  And I'm definitely thankful for the SUNFLOWERS!  Reminders of God's presence in my life and the gifts that I am so richly rewarded with.