27 Cinco de Mayo's - 27 Years of Creativity (Audio)

ITP #37: There have been 27 Cinco de Mayos since Anush's daughter Ani was born. 27 years of creativity and memories to share. On this week's episode of Inside the Pomegranate, Anush shares some memories and the blessings of being a mom.
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27 Cinco de Mayo's - 27 Years of Creativity

Twenty-seven years ago today, on Cinco de Mayo, after 27 hours of labor, I was handed a little bundleand my life changed forever.  It was a defining moment.  From that moment on, I earned the title of "mama".  Today is my daughter Ani's birthday.  Last night, as we celebrated her birthday with family at their home, I was thinking about how blessed my life has been because of my children, and I was recalling some memories of motherhood with daughter, that have made my life so much richer.

My first life lesson happened the moment she was born and the doctor said, "You have a beautiful little girl." Surprise.  I don't know why, but we were convinced she was going to be a little boy.  This was 27 years ago remember.  Back before ultrasounds were so common.  I was so convinced that she was a boy that I packed a blue layette to bring her home in.  Don't get me wrong.  We were not disappointed in the least!  In fact, as soon as they placed her in my arms, we couldn't imagine her being a boy at all!  And just two days later, dressed in blue, we took our little girl home understanding full well that surprises can be beautiful things.

Our baby was born on Cinco de Mayo.  The fifth of May.  It's a big deal here in California.  And every

birthday since Ani was one, we have had Cinco de Mayo birthday parties.  The first year, my younger brother bought Ani a traditional Mexican dress in green, white and red.  We always made Mexican food.  Tacos, burritos, Margaritas for the parents, and a pinata for the kids.  Funny story:  On her first birthday, we invited our family and friends to celebrate Ani's birthday.  That year we bought a little clown pinata.  It was just about her size.  She was only a year old, and our nephew Varoujan was 9 months older.  The two of them watched as we filled the pinata with candy.  We took the pinata out on the patio, and the guests arrived.  We were all chatting, enjoying watching our kids playing in our backyard.  And then it was time to break open the pinata.  We invited Natasha who was 5 years old to take the first swing.  She was a 5 at the time, and could manage swinging the stick.  We blindfolded her, and she started swinging at the bobbing pinata.  The next thing we hear is Ani, Varoujan, and some of the other kids crying.  We're all wondering why, when we realize, they were terrified for their clown friend.  They had no idea why someone would want to be beating their friend with a stick.  After that year, the pinatas were not people based designs, until, I think a few years had gone by and we had the Princess Jasmine pinata.  By then she understood what a pinata was all about.

As our baby grew, I learned that my child would copy whatever she saw me doing.  This one's a no brainer, right?  My love for jewelry, and crazy colors in my hair, manifest itself in my little girl.  At her baptism when she was 5 months old, a friend of ours had made her a tiny gold initial ring, she also received a little gold bracelet with her baptism date on it, and a gold cross necklace my parents had made for her.  We put  them on her on that day, and she left them on.  She never took the ring off, played with it, put it in her mouth.  they all stayed put.  She was the only baby I knew that was not bothered stuff like that.  I didn't take my jewelry off, so why would she?  When she was just a little over a year old, she would hang my bangle bracelets from her ears as earrings as she toddled around the house.  This led to her sitting absolutely still when we got her ears pierced when she was a baby. She'd look in the mirror, touch her earrings, and say, "pee-ee!"  (Ani-talk for "pretty").

We always encouraged her to paint - at first I would color her baby cereal with food coloring, and have her finger paint with it sitting on her high chair.  And then when she was about 3 or 4, we would seriously go through a box of children's water colors every week as she would dip her brush in water and mix colors, sometimes painting on paper, and sometimes painting on her hands or her tummy, sometimes just watching the colors mix in the water, but always mixing and experimenting with colors.

She grew up with all kinds of music playing at the house.  It was the late 80s and early 90s.  She grew up with Joni Mitchell and Crosby Stills Nash and Young, Jethro Tull - music from my youth infused with The Smiths, The Cure, Morrissey, Phoebe Snow and Adam Ant.  I told this story at her wedding and probably here on the blog or podcast as well, but when she was three years old, she had made a huge mess in her room and after telling her that I WANTED it picked up, she put her little hand on her hip, turned to me and and sang - "You Can't Always Get What You Want" while waving her little finger at me.  Her dad was a Stones fan.  I remember a camping trip we took with some friends back when she was about 4.  Our friends had two little girls - one her age and one a year or two younger.  And they were playing with their buckets and shovels on the beach.  Her friend was singing, "Row, Row, Row your boat."  And our little one was singing, Morrissey's "Our Frank" - (Give it a rest, won't you?  Give me a cigarette.  The world may be ending, but look I'm only human...)

We would always buy her markers, origami paper, paints and hole punches.  She would create little pop up books, and Mother's Day coupons for me (that I have in my bible).  When she was 9, she asked for a second piercing in her ears....and then a third when she was 12.  How could I say no when I myself had my ears pierced several times?  Summers were always a time for self-expression.  Without school dress codes to worry about, summer was the time to get a pink or green streak in her hair.  When henna tattooing got popular, I was intrigued with it.  I bought henna from the Indian market, read about mixing it with lemon and eucalyptus oil and we started decorating.  It was summer, remember? Ani had intricate lacy designs henna'ed on her hands and feet.

Our children copy what we do.  Because I had breast cancer when Ani was 6 and Nareg was 12, my kids grew up with cancer awareness.  As soon as Ani was old enough to walk in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer with me, she signed up.  Walking 39.3 miles with my daughter was such an incredible celebration of life for me.  And since that time, she has continuously signed up year after year to walk or crew alongside me.  She has fasted for world hunger, and protested against the war in Afghanistan and the Darfur genocide. She has grown up a social activist.

The teenage years were memorable.  Some good memories, some not to good.  And when I say that, it's not like they were terrible...but there was the usual teenage angst, but we made it through.  By then, I was a single mom, and Ani and I were living in a tiny 1920's rock cottage together.  My son Nareg, was living with Ani's dad locally.  The rock cottage was seriously small, about 700 square feet total, and we had a lot of fun making it our own.  Every room had a "word" painted on the wall.  Ani painted her room, with the word, "Adore".  My room said, "Dream", the kitchen (with it's 6' low ceiling) and paintings and messages all over it, and the bathroom painted with, "WHOOSH!"  We spent Ani's teenage years in that house.  It was ours.  There were happy memories at our home.  And one of the most memorable was when a handsome friend, Eric, came to pick her up for the prom.  That memory is etched it my mind.  I was at the front door when he pulled up.  Ani was in her room.  I watched him walk up the driveway, then the front porch in his tux, holding a corsage.  Ani came out of her room in an apricot colored formal. Her hair was up.  She looked like a princess.  After taking a few pictures, I watched Eric open the car door for her and off they went.  I didn't know at that time, that that evening was the beginning of their lives together.  They've been together ever since.

My family has always been there for me through everything, but Ani was physically there for me.  We have

seen each other through a lot.  She was my maid of honor at my second marriage.  When she was in nursing school, I was blessed to have her by my side through two rounds of cancer in 2011.   Even though her studies were taxing, her creativity never left her.  In fact, it became her escape as she scrapbooked, cooked, baked, and collaged.   I have saved every one of her handmade cards that she's written for me.  She has always poured her heart and soul into anything she created.

She is a girl of faith.  And she knows the importance of prayer and giving thanks to God.  When I see her in prayer at church on Sunday, my heart is filled with joy.  Because I know she knows that none of this amazing life is possible without God's guidance and grace.

In 2012, she and Eric got married.  And together, they have created a home.  And now they are creating their lives together.  Last year they started a 52 soup a year project and cooked and blogged soup recipes - one a week - for the entire year.  They garden together, planting tomatoes, artichokes and plants together.  God has truly blessed us with such a wonderful son-in-law in Eric, because they take care of one another. I love that.   They've been together since the prom...and that was 9 years ago.

And now, my baby girl is 27.  Today!  My Cinco de Mayo Baby.  She's thoughtful and considerate. Compassionate and caring.  She is a loving daughter to our family, and a wife and friend to Eric.  And she is still creating.  She's in the process of creating her best work yet - our little grandson.  As I see rounded tummy, I can't help but touch her hoping to feel a kick...a connection.  I am so blessed to be a mom. God has really blessed me with life after all my health issues to see my baby become a wife, and soon a mom.  And the good part...I get to be a MedzMom!

I know that she and Eric will be wonderful parents.  And I know that the creativity will continue. There will be sunflowers to plant, and gardens to grow.  There will be messes to make, and messes to clean up. There will be sticky kisses and sweet hugs.  But for now, there's a baby room to decorate, a quilt to finish, and projects to complete before the baby comes.  I am so thankful to God for the blessings He's given me.  And for blessing me with such a wonderful daughter and friend.  Happy Birthday love bug!!!

 

A Month of Learning - When to Parent, and When to Let Go (Audio)

ITP #36: In this episode, Anush talks about the joys of parenting….from parenting your children, to taking care of an elderly parent, and then, learning how to step aside from the parenting (but still loving) when it comes to helping someone who is not your child.
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A Month of Learning - When to Parent, and When to Let Go

April has been a whirlwind.   I've had a lot on my plate, and a lot of wonderful things happening, and a some not so wonderful, but we have made it through, thank God.  It seems like just the other day we were looking forward to Easter approaching, and then it came and went in a flash.    I didn't really have one topic to write about, but there were so many lessons learned this month, that I thought I'd play catch-up with you and share some of what I learned.

First off, prior to April we had a massive yard sale at my mom's house as we prepared to clean out years of "stuff" that she had accumulated.   My mom is the ultimate collector of angels.  You know the Raphael angels?  You know the ones, right?,  the little chubby angels that are resting on their forearms? Well, she had those angels in every shape and form.  Woven into a lap blanket, needlepointed into throw pillows and tapestries, hung on the wall - framed, on the face of a clock.  From notebooks to checkbooks, figurines to frames, those angels have adorned her living room for a decade now.  Well, the time came where they had to go.  Especially because Mamajan has been living with us now, and there's just no room for such celestial madness at our house.  So we had a yard sale, and the angels were there, along with closets of clothing, boxes of frames,books, books, and more books, furniture, furnishings and all sorts of stuff that had accumulated over the 20 plus years that mom had lived in her house.

It was very, very difficult for her (and for us) to sort through all the stuff deciding what to sell, and what to give away, and what to gift to her children and grandchildren.  Saturday came with the yard sale advertised to start at 7:00 a.m.  We seriously had people there at 6:00 a.m.!  As people poured over years of mom's life, there was a sadness that she felt seeing her life dismantled in front of her eyes like that.  It was easy for us to sell things off, give things away even.  And seeing it all go, made me think about things in our lives.  What's really important?  Is it just stuff? I think so...unless there are memories attached to them.

The things that my siblings and I gravitated toward in all of this were not the ornate or expensive furnishings.  What each of us wanted most of all were the things that held memories...especially the memories of our father.  Like the old wall clock in the dining room hadn't worked in years.  When my mom said that it could go, my brother and I looked at each other.  That?  You want to get rid of that?  Dad brought that home.  From where we have no clue. We stuck the key in the clock, winding it, swinging the pendulum....which would stop after a few swings.  Clearly, it didn't work...but it brought back memories.  We poured over old family photos.  Black and white with the paper corners holding them in place in the black paper- paged photo album.  That's what we wanted.  Memories.  Peaks back into our childhoods, with old cars, mother-

daughter photos with matching hats and gloves, old pets that we had forgotten about since we were little. It's those very memories that make a home, well, homey.   We scooped up some of mom's framed photos of her kids, her grandkids, happy memories and family celebrations.  And we brought them to our home.  Setting them up on her bedroom dresser, it was like she was finally home - in our home, her new home - surrounded by her loved ones past and present.  Surrounded by beautiful memories.  Minus Raphael's angels, but still with the angels that smile back at her in the photos and memories.

And there's some wonderful news to share...about a new little angel. Come August, we will be having a grandbaby!  No, no, I didn't just find out.  We learned of my daughter Ani's pregnancy around Christmastime, back when the baby would have been the size of a sesame seed.  That's when Ani and Eric brought over a little wrapped gift with a tag that said, "This gift won't be here in time for Christmas, but we wanted you to know it's on its way!"  I opened the package and it was a Baby on Board car magnet.  Since then Ani has been updating me weekly on the size of the baby...from sesame seed to a grain of rice, to a blueberry, grape, raspberry and beyond until this week, at 21 weeks, our grandbaby is the size of an eggplant!  And then just last weekend, after she and Eric went to their ultrasound, they decided to have a "gender reveal party" for us grandparents and great-grandmas.  A party where we would find out whether we're having a granddaughter or grandson.  We gathered at their house for lunch -  all three sets of

grandparents and three great-grandmothers.  We had a nice time visiting with one another, choosing either pink or blue safety pins to wear depending on our predictions, making fingerprint balloons in either color for a print for the baby's room, and talking excitedly about the fact that our babies were having a baby.  Then at dessert time, Ani and Eric brought out this tall, 3 layer, cake they had baked with a giant question mark on top.  Time for the baby reveal!  And as they cut into it, the blue M&M's spilled out from the center letting us all know IT'S A BOY!  There were lots of hugs, and surprised smiles (since some of us were so sure it was a girl!)  We're so excited, thrilled, you name it...that's what we are.  After the reveal excitement, Ani, Eric's mom and sister and I got in the car and drove to the craft store for yarn and ideas.  Let the projects begin!!! I've started crocheting a blanket and bought a pattern to make some uber cool felt shoes for him.   It's really so exciting!  I know the two of them are going to make incredible parents.  And so far, I am loving the beginning of this new chapter of my life as this baby's "Medzig".

Holy Week came and went in a flash, didn't it?.  I really enjoyed Fr. Vazken's Road to Healing series, and we were listening in faithfully.  And then at the beginning of Holy Week, Mamajan (my mom) ended up in the

hospital. So my days were spent at work during the day, and then a drive across town to spend the evening with her in the hospital.  Thankfully, she is okay and after 4 days she was released and is back at home now, and Easter was extra special because of it.  And while I'm sitting here typing
, it occurs to me that the theme here could be parenting....parenting our children, watching our children grow to become parents, taking care of our elderly parents, and then learning to step back from parenting as well.

In my previous two blogs I shared with you about my friend Anita, a young adult with some very big addictions. as you know, I have been trying to help her with her sobriety, understanding of God, letting go of resentments past and present and working on her addictions. As the past couple of months has gone by, we've witnessed a positive transformation as she has gotten to experience life in our Christian home.  We started talking about the future for her.  What her interests would be, what kind of career would be a good fit.  And then it happened.  have  We embraced her and took her in as one of our own. And I think this was my downfall.  I took on the role of her parent, and clearly, this was not what she wanted.  Is it possible to love too much?  I think so.  It's not a bad thing, you know.  But it does leave you open to getting hurt.  And this is where I ended up.

As parents, it's natural to worry about our children.  We want to protect our kids from getting hurt, from making mistakes.  And since we're older, and we've "been there, done that," so to speak, we know when a path is going to lead in the wrong direction.  Those times have been many with Anita.  In my need to protect her from putting herself in situation that could be harmful to her sobriety, I ended up being more of a parent than she needed.

I saw mistakes waiting to happen when she had made plans to go away for a few days with a friend to a Cochella after event, and of course, my ultimate fear was that she would relapse into her addictions, and that led to us butting heads.  All I had to hear was the word "Cochella", which conjures up images the images that are plastered all over Facebook of the two-weekend concert event synonymous with the word "party."  She accused me of jumping to conclusions, making assumptions and the worst part of it all -  being "just like her mother" which was really a hurtful thing to say because she had shared with me time and time again, just how much she can't stand her mom. That comment, to me, was tremendously hurtful.   "I want to live my life!  Experience things!" she yelled at me one night.  I thought.."uh, haven't you already done that?  And look where it led."   No,no...I didn't say that, but that's what I heard in my head.  Be honest, you'd think that too! But what could I do?  She was under our care and guidance, and under our roof, but not our child.  Off she stormed, angry.  I prayed that God would show me a willingness to be accepting, as God is accepting of me, with all my flaws.  And I tried. And I prayed some more.  I prayed for guidance and patience.

And then last Saturday, with Easter communion the next day, I called her to apologize if I had hurt her.  I explained to her about communion, and that I needed to make amends before approaching the altar.  I explained why I had acted in the way I had...it was out of love and nothing more.  I also explained what I felt and why I had reacted the way I had.  To my apology though, all she could do was tell me what I could have said, what I should have said, how I should have phrased things, etc.  And that was it.

We have parted ways.  Not because I don't love her.  Not because I have given up on her.  No, I think, hope and pray that she will be okay and make something amazing of her life.  But I learned a valuable lesson and that is that you can't parent someone that doesn't want to be parented.  And you can love someone a lot, and want the best for them, but until they realize they are worthy of that love, they won't be able to understand it.  Right?

As we parted ways tonight, she came up and thanked me for taking her in and trying to guide her.  She said that she knows that I love her.  But she also said, "I think our personalities are just different, and we clash,  but it doesn't have anything to do with how much we love each other."  We hugged for a long time, told each other we loved one another, and I told her I'd continue to pray for her, and then she left.  That chapter of the story is now closed.  And now a new chapter in her life is going to begin.  I'm hoping and praying that she was able to learn a little bit during our short time together and that God blesses her with courage, strength and wisdom to move forward down the right path to a happy, healthy and fulfilling life.  And, I think I'll save my parenting for my own kids.  : ) 

Defining God (Audio)

ITP #35: Have you ever tried to define your concept of God to someone who doesn't know God but wants to? Have you ever thought about what your truth is about it? On this week's show, we're met with this challenge - helping a friend in her search for God. And through it all, we can find our own truth as well.
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Defining God

And there are so many things going on in my life right now. Remember a couple weeks ago I shared with you about my friend who is battling a terrible drug and alcohol addiction?  Being that I too have my addictions, legal as food addictions are, the behaviors and triggers can be the same.  She is on her path to recovery, having been clean since the end of January.  And at this point on her path, her program is asking her to embrace the concept of God in her life. And then once she's done that, she must turn her life and her will over to God as she understands God to be.  And this is where she has been having a lot of trouble.  And we've had many discussions over the past week or so about defining God.

It's difficult for me to understand life without God.  I was born into my Christian faith.  My family practiced our Christianity when I was a child as we do now.  And although there were times throughout my life, that I may not have walked as closely with Him, there was never a doubt in my mind about God's existence.

This past week has been especially challenging for me, because my friend has had to define God in her terms, and I have been trying to guide her.  And let me tell you, it's tough to tell someone --  who has no concept of God -- what God and faith are all about.

We started off with our Armodoxy concept:  God is Love.  Christ is Love incarnate.  Father, Son and Holy Spirit are one.  So when we study and apply Christ's teachings of love and compassion in our lives, we are doing as God wants us to do.  Commands us to do.  It all sounds so plain and simple right?
I thought so.  But it's not so simple when you are talking to someone who does not share the experience of unconditional love, let alone a love that can be trusted and is a constant in life.

Our first experience with love is from our parents.  We are born into this world, completely helpless and dependent on our parents to nurture and protect us.  And that happened in my friends life.  Let's call her my friend Anita for the sake of this writing. At a very young age, her parents divorced.  And it was not a pretty picture.  Her childhood has memories of her parents hating one another so much that they would need to drop her off at the police station in order to exchange physical custody and not come into contact with one another.  When she was with her mother, she heard stories about her father.  And vice versa when she was with her father.  So right there, that "LOVE" factor was absent.  When parents divorce, it's difficult on everyone in the family, but most difficult on the children.  Parents  need to be mindful that it's not the child's fault.  It's not healthy for the child to have to choose sides, or even get involved in the drama and the pain.  In our conversations, Anita did share with me that she didn't understand why she was conceived in the first place since her parents were so against one another.  That's a terrible burden for a child to bear.

Then later on, as she grew older, rather than unconditional love, their love was filled with conditions.  She had to be perfect.  She had to dress and act a certain way.  There was tremendous pressure to achieve, and then having achieved early graduation and entrance into high school at age 13, she was stuck socially.  There was no one in high school her age, or her stature.  She didn't fit in.  Yes, she was brilliant in math and science, but you have to have an amazing support system outside of school in order to deal with the pressure of being unique and not fitting in within the confines of school.

I think of my own childhood.  Bullying was always there.  I was always the chubby kid.  And yes, I did get teased, but I knew that I had my support system.  My parents where there.  And I knew that if I really had a problem, I could go to them and they would make it better....at least they'd be on my side.  I think about how that would be if I didn't have that support.  Parental support, paired with an early knowledge that I could ask God to guide me, were comforting to me.  When I was a child, every night my mom would come to our room to pray with us and tuck us in.  I have to say, that although as a child, the recitation of the Lord's Prayer was not really something we gave deep thought to, it was comforting to know that there was something greater than ourselves we could rely on.

Anita didn't have that.  Just last week she commented, when she saw the cross around my neck, that she used to wear a cross.  And her father told her to take it off because "you don't want people judging you a certain way."  She said she was criticized for searching for faith.  "I used to go to church.  But that stopped. If I wore a cross, I got yelled at.  If I wore a buddha, I got yelled at."  She was in so much pain at home with an abusive father and a self-absorbed mother.  When I asked her why she didn't reach out to aunts, uncles, anyone, her answer spoke volumes.  "I thought it was normal.  I thought getting beaten was normal.  It was my normal.  As I got older, I just accepted it as my reality."  So it's no wonder that she tried to escape with substance abuse.

So back to the God concept.  So how do you explain the concept of being able to trust in a loving God, an omincient and compassionate God,  to someone who has had no experience with unconditional love, or being able to trust in love?  Not easy.  I talked this out with Fr. Vazken.  He reminded me that I had many years of working on my faith, and that as simple as our learning is - the concept that God is Love - it has come from many years of study on Christ's teachings.  He suggested that we start with the Gospel of John. So we gave it a shot, but even so, it wasn't resonating.  In order for Anita to work on her recovery, she had to find her God, a power greater than herself.  And she was at a stalemate.  This was causing her great frustration.  She had never known God. She had never needed God.  And our conversation ended with "What does God have to do with my sobriety!!!  I don't get it!!"

She has been searching.  She has a dear friend whom she talks to, so I asked what his perception of God was.  Maybe that would help her.  And I think it did.  Hearing it from one of her peers helped.  She said that her friend relied on God to be there at all times.  That it's the one thing he can trust in even when everything else around him is not going well.   God is there for him.  That was her friend's truth. Now we needed to find hers.

So we tried different concepts of God.  I understood that what Anita needs is not to believe in my God.  But to believe in God as she understands it.  And I have shared with her my insights always telling her that this was my truth, and my understanding and in seeking the truth she will come to her own understanding. So we talked about finding God in nature.  She seems to have a respect  for nature, so what was wrong with that? We talked about that.  Then one morning, after having the full moonlight shine on her through her window, she told me that she thought she maybe should would choose the  moon as her higher power.  After all, the moon was always there.  She could rely on it rising each night.  She had always identified with it.  So the moon it was.  Until it wasn't!  Because try as she might, she couldn't understand how she would rely on the moon to help her in her time of need?  That just led to more frustration.

Then I shared another analogy I had heard.  Believing in God is like riding a tandem bike with God at the front and us in the back.  It's up to us to do all the work.  To put forth the effort for our lives, our healing...and God is steering us, around all the potholes and obstacles.  I liked that.  But then again, I'm used to God being there for me.

The talks may not have been working, but the power of love was present.  I keep praying each morning that God give Anita the willingness to be open to this search.  And along with the prayers, there have been a lot of hugs and love.  Open dialogue.  I told her that my way was not to try to convert her, but to love her and help her come to her own understanding.  And I shared with her that it's difficult for me as well, to trust in God's will sometimes, and I have been brought up with God.  I am active in my faith.  And I struggle with letting go as well.  So I understood how difficult this must be for her.  It's hard, given that we are created with free will, to just give up our problems to God....to love.  But when we do, they do resolve themselves if we believe.

The problem has been that she has questions.  As to the existence of God.  And those questions cannot be backed up by scientific fact.  She is good in science, and I explained to her that science and religion go hand in hand...they complement one another.   But that what I was viewing within her was the need to BE GOD.  Not find God.  She wanted the control.  She wanted the infinite understanding of life.  She wanted to control all situations and have answers.  And so far, this type of thinking had not led her down the right path.  Because clearly she wasn't in control.  We are not in control of life.  It happens.  With all its and downs, twists and turns.  She agreed that my perception of her was true. I can't judge her on that given the cards she had been dealt.  If you can't rely on anyone, you have to rely on yourself.

Letting go, and letting God in your life is a total leap of faith.  You believe, and you trust.  And you take that jump.  And that, for the nonbeliever, is terrifying!  So we tried visualization.  Her recovery program encourages her to "act as if" she believes.  Saying that it's okay not to understand it all right now.  Just open your heart and have a willingness to believe.  Believe in the idea that there is something greater out there, and it will happen at the right time.  She wasn't really buying it totally, but I also didn't see her fighting this idea too much.

And then just two days ago, she shared with me that she felt like she was in a good place with all of it.  She said, "I'm okay.  I'm happy.  And I think I'm finally okay with where I am with it all."  I didn't question it, because most important is the need for her to hear herself say that.  And to live that moment.  I didn't ask what happened, what she believed to be true.  Just a hug.

She asked what I'd be blogging about this week.  I told her I was going to write about lent and our lenten journey together since we have been listening to Fr. Vazken's Lenten Journey each evening, but that I was thinking about our talks about defining God, and that I'd write  about that.  She thought it was a good idea. She asked me to write about it, because maybe someone out there can learn from all this.  Earlier in the week, she had a long discussion with my husband about our solar system, space, the planets, the universe, and she was very interested.  She shared this with her friend and the two of them decided to take a trip to the Griffith Park Observatory.  She had never been there despite growing up in southern California.  And she was blown away.  She showed me her cell phone pictures, and shared what she had learned.

This morning, as I was typing up my blog, I asked her what she was feeling.  Since I was blogging about our discussions, could she share with me where she was in her quest to find her God.  And she did.  She said that understanding the universe, as she had seen it last night made her realize how very small we are in the grand scheme of things.  How tiny and insignificant we are.  Yet how real our problems and our lives are to us.  She said she knew that part, but it was reinforced last night as she saw the solar system mapped out in front of her....and saw how tiny the earth was in compariston to Jupiter.  And how infinite space was.  She shared,

 "I have always had trouble relying on something consistently because my opinions on things are always changing.  There hasn't been a constant.  But looking at it all, I realize that it would be stupid of me not to believe. It's all created so perfectly, and we're a part of it all  We all fit in together, in the grand scheme of things - and we are right where we're supposed to be at this time."  

That's HUGE, right!??  I saw in her a sense of peace, for today.  And although she is not yet finished defining God, she is well on her way toward the next step of her healing. I am so grateful for Anita, and that God has blessed me and brought her to me to share this journey with her.  By doing so she has helped me to define God as well.  I am 100%, absolutely sure, that God is Love, and when we open our hearts and minds not only to God, but to one another - unconditionally - He will find us - Love will find us.  And the healing will begin.

I had shared with Anita this quote...which I read to her, and she completed because she was familiar with it,

I will take this quote one step further.  I would change the "believe in you" line to this - 

"Believe in GOD within you!

                                                

Wired with Compassion? (Audio)

ITP #34: Giving our youth the opportunity to serve the needy is an important life experience that all are equipped with, but not many embrace. On this week's episode Anush talks about this month's outreach and shares one young adult's reflections on his service.
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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