In Control; Under Control; Out of Control; No Control

Our make-shift lantern:
votif candle and ball jar

Cristos Dzunav Yev Hydnetzav!  Tzezee/Mezee medz avedis!! It's super super early on January 6 morning, and I woke up early to be the first to wish you a very blessed Theophany and Christmas and to greet you with the good news that Christ is born and revealed!   It's early Monday morning and in just a little bit we'll  be heading off to church for Badarak and Water Blessing.  We were at church last night for Christmas Eve service and I don't know what it was, but there was a JOY there. We left there happy carrying our lit candles in jars and lanterns and carried the light of Christ  and that joy back to our homes..

No, I didn't mock up this pic.  This is really
a section of the bigger picture of
chaos on my work table

Last week I wrote about that One Little Word.  The word that is going to be the word to work on for the year.  Did you give it any thought?  Did you pick one to work on?  I thought about mine. There were all kinds of possibilities.  I was thinking of the word - ORGANIZE - because I am sorely in need of some organizing - let me tell you.  If you have ever seen my
work table at home where I do my beading...it's mass chaos..and it's ALWAYS like that.  I get so excited about working, that I don't put the beads away and move on to the next project,  and then I'm left with a massive "bead soup" not to mention the wires, pliers, tools...you get the idea.  But I didn't want to base the whole year on that...so I thought about other words.

Then I thought about the word - CREATE!  Now that's a really good one.  I love to create.  And I'm happiest when I'm creating.  Beading, cooking, drawing, crocheting, painting.  I thought if I chose the word Create that would keep that in the forefront.  But that almost seemed too easy since I've always got several projects in the works.

And so then, during my morning prayer, I found my word.  And it's a word that I don't normally use.  It's not even something I like to do, but I'm guessing that's why it came to me.  The word is SURRENDER.   SURRENDER.  It's a weird one, right?  Well, let me tell you how I got to it.

I have been doing a lot of introspection lately.  I think all of us do at the start of the new year.  We start thinking of our lives moving by, and although I don't really believe in setting those resolutions, I tend to always be working on improving.  Given my past medical history, I do feel that my health is something I need to manage, and so I work on a holistic approach for body, mind, and spirit.

Well, lately, I have been trying to figure things out  about myself and my need to control.  Yep, that's me.  Sometimes I can be a control freak!  It's not something obvious, like me exerting my will on others.  It's more subtle than that.  When I say control, it's more of the need for me have everything in place.  And then want everything to go just so.  And there's the accompanying stress that goes with it.  And the unraveling (of myself) when it doesn't happen the way I have planned.  Now this is really funny to me because I like to think that I'm a "go with the flow" type of person...but in thinking about it, sometimes - not all the time, mind you, but sometimes - I'm guilty of only going with the flow when the flow is flowing my way.  

So I've been thinking about that, and working on it.  I mean, I  pray "Thy will be done" but then turn around and push my agenda to "MY will be done."  And I don't think I'm alone on this one, right?  I mean, if I'm truly committed to putting God's will ahead of mine, then am I picking up on the clues that God gives me when things don't fall into place the way that I want them to?  Most of the time, I don't get that little signal - that subtle nudge - that maybe there's a reason why I won't get my way on things rather than pushing the envelope until I do.  And then other times, I TOTALLY get the subtle nudge and still, I do what I want!

So here's what dictionary.com defines the word as:

sur·ren·der

  [suh-ren-der]

verb (used with object)

1.

to yield (something) to the  power of another

2.

to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).

3.

to yield or resign (for example an office or position) in favor of another.

When we think of this word, we usually think of it as a weakness right?  You picture Dorothy and Toto in the Wizard of Oz being chased by the Wicked Witch when you see the witch flying her broom in the sky and spelling out SURRENDER DOROTHY!  Or we think of the white flag in old war films where one army surrenders to the other.  It's generally the weak that surrender to the more powerful, right?

Well, that's just it!  Is there anything more powerful than God?  And now taking that one step further, since we believe that God is Love....is there anything more powerful than Love?  I'm okay with being the little guy on this one, y'know?  I'm okay with admitting that I am not as strong or as powerful.  But my will is strong. And sometimes I think I know what's best rather than listening -  or feeling -  that God has a better idea.

My hope is that by  choosing this word - SURRENDER -it will help me put God's will into perspective.  I'm hoping so.  I want to be more mindful - or more connected - to God and what He has in store for me. If I give up my control and just surrender my will to God, He has already told us that he will take care of things for us, right?  So my hope is that by being mindful of this one little word, that I will be opening new doors to a more God-centered life.

Oh and wait, there's another component of this too.  Because I'm going to try to surrender my will, that is also going to mean that I can't impose my will on others.  (See, I told you I can be a control freak).  I'm older now, my children are grown so I don't have young kids to parent.  So part of surrendering is going to be about handling myself to the best of my ability, and allowing others to also do the same for themselves.  No instilling guilt (seriously this can be a big one).  No offering advice unless I'm asked.  Just allow everyone to take care of themselves (unless of course they ask for help).

The more I think about it, the harder this one sounds!  But I'm going to work on it!  Surrender to God, Surrender to Love.  Act only out of love and kindness!  It sounds pretty good to me and I have to say, that so far, so good.  I have been thinking about this and trying to act on it for the past 5 days and so far, and it's going well, so we'll see.  I only have another 360 days (and a lifetime) to go!

And so what about you?  Did you choose your word for the year?  I would love to hear from you and let me know what it is.  You can leave a comment here or email me at anushnoor@gmail.com

I hope you have a very blessed Christmas and a beautiful year ahead.
Cristos Dzunav Yev Hydnetzav! Ortnyal e Hydnootyunun Cristosi!
Christ is Born and Revealed!  Blessed is the Revelation of Christ!