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The Jumper

I kept hearing laughter, loud talking, joking coming from my boss' office.   It was late afternoon.  I had just said goodbye to my boss.  So what was going on in her office?  I kept working.  I had an hour left til the end of the work day and too much to get done, so I didn't get up to go check.  But the noise went on, for a good 45 minutes.  And slowly -- as I subconsciously tuned into the conversations - I realized what was going on.

The reason for this gathering?  It wasn't a party.  But it was a "disconnect".  They were gathered there for a better look at the jumper.  Because we're on the 19th floor, we have a view of the city and the freeway below.  In the nine years I've worked in downtown L.A., I've seen several like him climb over the bridge railing and  think about ending it all.  People kept coming and going into the office. And I heard "is he still there?", "anything yet?", "wish he'd jump already."  There were jokes made, someone suggesting "music to jump by."  More laughter.
I am so  hurt and saddened by this display of insensitivity by my coworkers.   As I sat at my desk trying to focus on my work, I couldn't.   I thought about the crucifixion, and how the people taunted Christ when He was on the cross.  I thought about how alone He must have felt and how alone the jumper must be feeling on the bridge.  From the corner office I could hear them calling him a "loser", an "idiot", a "nut".  

We hear so much about bullying in schools.  What about bullying in life?  That's what was going on.    Sure, the victim wasn't right there, but it was that same taunting, and the banding together of those that were doing it....with a common goal.  To mock someone less fortunate.  What would have happened if instead they showed caring and concern for this poor man in his time of need.  What would have happened if they came to his aid and helped him off the bridge?  But it was probably that very mocking that brought the jumper to this point in his life.  Maybe by others, maybe by his own inner self.

As disappointed as I was though, my deepest disappointment was in myself.    I didn't participate in that corner office gathering, but I am no better. By choosing not to say anything, I allowed it to go on.    I thought about what I could have done.  I wouldn't have been able to go down to the street level and deal with the jumper, but I could have gone into the office and expressed how I was feeling and maybe that would have made some of them think about their comments and actions.  So why didn't I?  Did it have to do with fitting in?  A little.  But it was more that I felt it just wouldn't make a difference to them..or to the jumper.  But the truth is that it did make a difference.  And because I did nothing, it made a difference to me.   Try as I might to work, I couldn't.   I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Eventually, the police got to the jumper and convinced him to step off the bridge.  Thank God.  The show was over, and everyone went back to work.

That night, I said a prayer for the jumpers of the world -- those that are lonely, the taunted, the bullied. I prayed that God show His love to them through us.  I prayed for the bullies...that God open their hearts and fill them with compassion and love toward others.  And I prayed for the silent - that God would open our mouths to help us to speak out for injustice.  And give us courage to do what was right. 

This morning, at my desk, I received an email from my boss.  It was a mass mailing to the entire office.  A photo from the previous afternoon accompanied the email - "Here's a view from my office, " it said.  "What's new with you?" and a happy face.

This time I did speak up.  I wrote her an email response, and told her how sad the whole thing made me...what had gone on in her office...and how this man on the bridge was someone's child..someone's son.  I told her how disappointed I was in myself for not speaking out.  And I continued, "...and so I needed to write this in response to your email...because staying silent didn't sit well with me."

I received a response: "thanks for the reminder that I need to be more sensitive. I know that was not your intention, but I need to work on that for myself."

I need to work on that for mysef too.

Tidings of Comfort and Joy -- Heavy on the Joy!

I’m still smiling from last night’s homeless outreach.  I’ve been thinking about it since last night.  I think one of the reasons that our In His Shoes homeless outreach is so successful is that we’re “heavy on the joy".  Sure, we provide food and clothing…that’s the comfort, but nothing was more evident than the joy factor last night.

Passing out soup (this pic is from Summer when it's still
light out.

The joy started before last night.  A few nights ago, when we realized we didn’t have enough clothing to share, we put out a post on Facebook.  I was really surprised at the outpouring of love that came forward from that one post.  Friends I haven’t spoken to for months responded, dropping bags of clothing at church for us.  Sunday after church, another several bags were taken to the back of my car from parishioners who had seen the post.  Text messages bounced back and forth about sock donations, a friend’s trip to the store to buy jackets and sleeping bags for us.  People were responding out of joy and love.

And then there’s the preparation.  Our prep time takes about an hour as we gather everything we’ve collected, clothing, snacks, soup, water.  There is joy in the unwrapping of the soup containers, in the packing of the cars, and then in the distribution.  I was hearing it last night in the laughter as Suzie and her crew distributed the right item of clothing to the right person.  The joy was definitely there when we sang Silent Night or the Hippopotamus song while handing out soup out of our car, and it was there when we received the blessings and smiles of those that we helped.  You have to picture it….as we pull away, they wave at us, thanking and blessing us.  We thank and bless them in return. We are the ones that are granted this privilege to help them.

One of the regulars on the street is a missionary from Africa named Doris Dolly Dorothy.  Dressed in gleaming white with a beautiful smile, she is there on the street by choice to live a life of poverty among the least of her brothers and sisters.  Suzie shared with me her message. She never takes food from us…but gives of her smile and herself.  She shared that Thanksgiving on the street was “too much blessing” as there was an abundance of people sharing their food and blessings with the others.  She shared, “People here hate me”.  “Why?” Suzie asked.  “Because I sing and pray all day, but I’m okay with the fact that they hate me…because they hated our Lord first.”  She was comfortable in knowing that the hatred was coming from a place of not understanding.  She is there to share her inner joy with those less fortunate giving all she can of herself to them.  Like I said, she never takes food for herself, but what she will always take is a warm hug from us, her “sistahs.” She’s definitely got the JOY. 

If you are blessed with a family, you know the joy that comes from having them around.  When we go out to the streets, those of us who have been doing this for years now feel this same joy. We go out to visit our extended family.   We hear their stories – about careers that never took off, rent payments that couldn’t be met, family struggles, illness and no insurance, debt.  They are like our family, no different than any of us except for the fact that they lack the support systems that we have been blessed with.  Think about it.  If we didn’t have family or our church to lean on in these difficult times, how many of us are just one paycheck from living on the street?  There but for the Grace of God, go I.  And just like our family, they appreciate being cared about.  Not just “Here’s a cup of soup. Here's a frisbee,” but “Hey, how’ve you been?  How was your month? Are you feeling better?”  It’s not about charity, it’s about love.  And “BEING THE LIGHT and of Christ, being the vehicle for God’s love.

If any of you out there are interested in starting your own homeless outreach with your friends, family, organization but don’t know where to start, please contact me:anush@pomegranateandeye.com and I can give you some logistics help.

Some of our local radio stations have been playing Christmas Carols since Thanksgiving.  Personally, I love it (even though it’s driving my coworkers crazy).  I’m sending out Tidings of Comfort and Joy for this Christmas and well into the new year….Comfort and Joy, but extra heavy on the Joy!

The Nest: Half Empty or Half Full?

This past year has flown by. I honestly don't know what happened to it, but here we are almost to the end of the year and it's a time for reflection. This year was a milestone year in our family. Our daughter got married. Of course I'm thrilled. But I have to say that no one ever trains us moms for the "empty nest". Sure, everyone talks asks, "how're you doing with the empty nest?", or you hear about empty nesters, but until you've gone through it, you don't know what it's about.
 
My daughter and I are very close. I was a single mom for many years, so it compounded that closeness. We have gone through everything together. School, cancer, mother/daughter camping trips, you name it. So as her wedding day approached, I know we both started anticipating the big changes that were going to be coming up. It says in the Bible - regarding marriage --that a man shall leave his mother; and a woman shall leave her home. We all know this, right? In prep for "leaving home", the week before her wedding, I took off from work. I wouldn't trade that week for anything. It was our time together. We moved her things to her new home (all except the essentials til the wedding day), we got her unpacked and situated, set up her kitchen, and spent mom/daughter time together. And one of the days we just had a good old cry! We knew the wedding was just days away. We knew she was marrying her true love, we knew it was the right thing, at the right time, but all of a sudden, we were hysterical. And it wasn't panic, or nerves about the wedding. It was just about change. About life. About growing up. But that cry did us both a lot of good, and it seemed that it was what we needed. Yes, things would be different. But the love between us would be the same. We wouldn't be living together, but hey, there was always unlimited texting. : )

So the wedding day came, and it was like a dream. She was beautiful in her wedding gown, and my son in law was dashing in his tuxe. The wedding ceremony was beautiful, and meaningful, and blessed; the reception was fun. Everything went off without a hitch, and off they went on their honeymoon. And then we get to the empty nest. I tried very hard to back off a bit. I wanted her to adjust to her new life. And have fun on her honeymoon so I was good. I didn't call or text. The hardest thing was not hearing from her daily. I'd wonder where they were, what they were doing. And then they came home from the honeymoon, and it was even harder. At least while they were away, she had reason why we couldn't see each other. But back in town ....I know, I know, it sounds silly. But you have your child with you for 25 years, and then in one day, she's out of the house, all grown up, and a wife!

Those three weeks after the wedding were the hardest. The nest was empty. And then Sunday came and she said they were coming to church and then coming over afterward. At church that Sunday, my daughter and son in law received and distributed the Kiss of Peace. Der Hayr announced them as the newest family of our church. And I felt so happy to see them there, together, participating, worshipping. After church they came over for lunch. And I saw how happy they were together. Not cheesy happy, but just "at ease" and natural happy. And I realized something: That my daughter is right where she is supposed to be. It was her time to get married. And God blessed her with a wonderful husband who loves and cares for her. And the nest is not really half empty, but half full!

Today is Thanksgiving. We just came home from my daughter and son-in-law's home. It was their first Thanksgiving, and they invited us over. It was a blessed day. There they were, working together to make the meal..making new traditions. My daughter is a nurse and works nights. She had just come home in the morning to start cooking. He had made the turkey and gravy, and they were working together to make everything perfect. The table was set, the Thanksgiving prayer was said. I looked around and saw my grown up daughter (who will always be my baby) and her husband, and then I saw the bigger picture as well. There I was, surrounded by family...our new inlaws (my khunamies), and the grandmas, my son, my husband.  Family.

Our family had grown and was full and alive. I am truly blessed. I will always be a mom. The bond that I share with my daughter will always be. And now I get to share with my new son. I am thankful for my beautiful family, the love that we share, and my nest, which is not only "half full", but truly full, and over flowing with love!

Lessons From Bob

This is Bob and I in January of 2013.
 I hadn't seen him in 6 weeks because I now take
the bus.  We had a lot to catch up on.

If you know me, you know that I have a soft spot for the homeless.  My parents were always very compassionate when it came to feeding the hungry in our community.  We grew up in Los Angeles.  In those days, it wasn’t uncommon for people to knock on your door and ask for food if they were down and out.  I remember being afraid of them as my mom would answer the door, but she would ask them to wait on the porch and she’d make them a sandwich to eat there and then pack one in the bag for later, and take it to them, telling them they could sit and eat on the porch before heading on their way.  They would thank her, eat and move on.  My father and I would deliver Christmas and Easter dinners to the homeless of our neighborhood before our family arrived at our house for dinner, my mom always making enough turkey, pilaf and sarma for several extra plates.  There weren’t to many then, in the 70’s, and because of that we knew where we could find them…one on a bus bench on Vine, one behind the Ralph’s market, one by the laundry mat.  We grew up that way, not fearing the homeless.

Four years ago, our In His Shoes outreach started a homeless ministry where we feed and clothe the homeless on a monthly basis.  It’s no longer the 70’s, and the homeless community is large, especially in downtown.  It’s so easy for us to walk by someone in need.  Would we do that if we saw Christ asking for food or money on the corner?  Of course not.  We would definitely acknowledge Him, right?  So a few years ago, I started talking to the homeless that I see on a daily basis – just making eye contact, saying hello, asking their names.  I work in downtown on 7^th and Figueroa.  It’s not skid row.  I’m in the cleaned-up financial district.  But there are still homeless around.  The regulars.  And I know all their names.  There’s Antonio that asks for money on freeway offramp, Anthony who is on 8^th and Francisco, and then there’s my friend Bob.

Bob and I have been friends for about two years now. We’re the same age…he’s just a month older than me.  He’d be tall if he stood up, but he’s had a leg amputated, and sits in his wheelchair on Figueroa.  And pretty much 5 days a week, as I walk to my car in the afternoon, we talk.  I realized this yesterday, that I talk to Bob sometimes more than I talk to some of my family.  To Bob, the passersby are his family.  I can’t help Bob everyday, but what I can do is talk to him.  And over the course of two years or so, Bob has taught me a lot about life, faith, family, and about caring for others.

I wanted to share with you my lessons from Bob.

1.  "I don’t live by luck, I live by faith."  This was what Bob told me yesterday when he wanted to give me a coin that someone had dropped in his cup.  It was a penny with a hole stamped out of the middle in the shape of a four-leaf clover. He wanted me to have it.  He said it’s kind of neat…and maybe one of my nieces would like it.  When I asked, “Don’t you want it? It’s a lucky penny?”  He said, “No, I want you to have it…it’s just something that’s neat to look at…plus, I don’t live by luck, I live by faith. God is with me.  I don’t need luck”  This was a very beautiful revelation to me.  He is so rich in his faith, and has ever reason to doubt it.  But he doesn't.  His expression of faith is beautiful.

2.  Be cheerful in attitude and smile.  As you pass Bob you hear him, “It’s a beautiful day in L.A.!”  He greets people as they pass by, sharing sports stats from last night’s game with those that he knows follow sports, asking about family to others, commenting on the positive “Your hair looks nice today!”  Most of the time, if people do acknowledge him, it’s with a smile, or some money.  Everyone has a purpose in life, and I think this is Bob’s.  Bob is life’s greeter.

3. Call your mother.  Bob has a phone which he uses to call his mom in Pennsylvania.  She’s in her late 80’s.  He has a family there who he says doesn’t understand him so he doesn't have contact with them, but he does keep in touch with his mom.  He’s shared letters she’s sent him (to a local shopkeeper’s address) and he gets a little tear in his eye when he shares stories about her with me.  As far away as they are, she is and always will be in his heart. 

4.  Know what you need (don't be greedy), and share the rest with those around you.  Find beauty in all things.  “Anush, I have something for you…wait” and he digs in the back of his wheelchair and produces a wooden box.  One of Bob’s friends went to Alaska and brought him back a piece of salmon.  The box was painted with an Alaskan whale – the art of the region.  He ate the salmon, but he wanted me to have the box.  He made me promise to put something nice in it…and today it houses some of my jewelry supplies.  “Isn’t it beautiful?  Do you like it?  I want you to have it. But you have to use it.  If you're not going to use it, don't take it.”  : ) 

5.  There’s joy in the routine.  Every Tuesday is Popeye’s chicken day for Bob.  This is the highlight of the week, and as routine as it is, it’s looked forward to.  I think everyone that helps Bob along on Mondays and Tuesdays knows that he gets two pieces for a dollar on Tuesdays.  And this makes him happy.  As mundane as it may seem, there is joy in this routine.  It’s something to look forward too. And something that he is very thankful for.  When your life situation is uncertain, there is comfort in the security of routine.

6.  Make time for yourself.  Sometimes on Wednesday’s Bob is not in his spot.  I noticed this pattern and asked him once.  “You know, I did well on Monday and Tuesday and I don’t want to be greedy.  I went to Popeye's and got a bunch of chicken.  I went under the freeway and ate, and slept, and then woke up and ate some more…and I spent yesterday relaxing because I need a break too.”  Truth.  It’s important to take time to refresh. 

Simple life lessons.  Things that we actually know but don’t often practice because they just seem too simple.  Sometimes what we receive is so much more than what we give.  My life is so much richer by having Bob in it. 

Pray for Peace. Believe in Peace. Live Peace

Have you every been in conversation with God when you receive a message so clear that it sort of makes you stop and say, "Is that you, God?"  I had one of those moments today during my morning prayer.  Except for one thing.  There was no doubt.  I didn't have to ask, I just knew.

I always pray for peace.  That our world leaders will wake up and work toward peace.  That we choose the right leaders for our country.  An end to fighting.  That our soldiers - all soldiers - return home safely.  For Darfur.  For my sponsored children in Chad and Malawi, for Iran, Afghanistan, you name it.   But this morning was a little different.  The concept of "if you want peace, you need to work at it.  "Pray for Peace.  Work for Peace.  Live Peace" was very prominent.

I can't explain to you how it was conveyed to me. And I finished my prayer knowing that I was going to - I was commanded to -  share this with whomever would read/listen.  And let me just say, it's nothing like the heaven opening up, actually the concept is so simple you'll probably not think it's that profound, but receiving it, it really was!  So here it is.

I was thanking God for hearing my prayers.  So many people that I have been praying for are doing so much better and I'm so thankful. I was thinking about why those prayers were answered yet we are so far from peace.  Maybe it's collective prayer:  in these instances, many are praying for the afflicted.  And because we are praying, we are living the prayer, daily, we're aware of that person's issues. We call them, we care about them, when we see them we are genuinely happy and go up to embrace them sharing our concern. And then when healing takes place, it's evident, sometimes tangible. 

With peace it's different because it's a concept.  But like anything we pray for, we have to believe, and live it.  We have to vote for candidates that will govern with Love, not hatred.  Might can't be right.  Love can be.  We have to live in peace with one another - not letting the little things bother us, forgiving people that hurt us.  Moving on from the petty.  Caring for each other.  Doing what is

What about vegetarianism?  It opens that door for me to think about.  If I'm going to live in peace, is the killing of animals keeping me from living in peace?  I haven't decided that one yet, but inside, I know that it's true, right?  It's my own pleasure that I'm seeking when I say, "yeah, but...."

This was the clear message.  We have to pray it, believe it -- correction -- "I" have to pray it, believe it and live it.  I have to keep it in the forefront of my consciousness.  If I want it as bad as I say I do, then I have to work for it (just like weight loss, walking 39 miles, like anything!)  It has to be a top concern because without peace, there is no future. 

That's the message I got today.  Pray for peace.  Believe in Peace.  Live Peace. Today I will take steps toward peace.  I want to think about this more in the coming days, weeks, months ahead.  I would love to see a world of peace and love replace the hatred and violence.  I think working together, we can achieve it!  What are your thoughts?  I would love to hear from you. 

In the 30's!!!



39 Days til the Wedding!



Today is September 4.  I'm back to work after the long Labor Day weekend, and I flipped my wall calendar to September , did a little backward count from the wedding date to today and was surpised to find that we're officially in the 30's...with 39 days to go til Ani and Eric's wedding.

As Mother-of-the-Bride, there are a lot of emotions roaming around inside me:  excitement about the upcoming wedding, panic about forgetting something major I was supposed to do, anxiousness about getting deadlines met, things done, melancholy about missing my daughter, etc.  You get the idea. 

I have been actively praying for the past couple of months.  I mean, close-the-door, on-your-knees, private-time-with-God prayer.  And I'm pretty sure that this is what has been helping me keep it together.  One of the things that I pray for daily is "focus"...Focus on the true meaning and sanctity of Ani and Eric's wedding.  I pray that God gives me the ability to not get so caught up in the excitement and details that I forget what is truly important:  the holy sacrament of marriage.

Don't get me wrong.  We're still running around and doing all the fun stuff.  We're meeting up today after work to check out make up at Sephora, and deal with bridesmaids' gifts.  And I'm enjoying every minute of my time with my baby girl.  But inside, I'm sensing a different calm inside me.  A calm that I know is coming from that focus that I've asked for pairedwith the realization that everything is going to be beautiful and blessed regardless of how we wear our hair, or what our shoes look like.

We're in the 30's.  And it's September.  A lot of great things are coming up this month.  Ani's bridal shower; the 39 mile Avon Walk for Breast Cancer; final fittings, and wrapping daros for the wedding.  I will keep praying.  For strenghth, for focus, for peace and that God bless our children with a happy and peaceful marriage. 

Who Knows Where the Time Goes!?

I can't believe that I haven't posted since February.  I was just directing someone to my blog when I came here myself and wham....wow, what happened?  Is it possible that six months has past since I last visited?  I guess so.

Life is hectic, but good.  There's a lot to write about but given that I'm at the office on my lunch break, I'll just touch on a few things and then come back and revisit them in a few days.....or next year (okay, hopefully not that long). 

Wake Up and Smell the Coffee  (Camping trip 08/2011)

The main excitement that it going on in my life right now, is that my baby girl Ani, is getting married in just 46 days.  Although this is super exciting, and I am blessed with knowing that she has a wonderful fiance that we love very much, it's still going to be a big adjustment for me.  While we're busy figuring out what we're doing with hair, make up, logistics of the wedding day, photos, and limos and such, I'm also balancing the emotions that come with being a mom of an incredible daughter who is also my best friend -- who I have been sharing a home with for 25 years on a day to day.  We share this bond though, and that's the beautiful thing.  It's going to be weird not to have Ani at home any longer,  but there is always unlimited texting.  : )  And I know in my core, that although it's going to be different, "different' doesn't mean bad.  It just means different.  And new.

As a mom, it's a pretty amazing thing.  Ani will always be my baby, but she's really grown up to be a phenomenal woman, a pediatric nurse, a creative blogger and crafter, a compassionate and beautiful soul.   I'm so proud of her....(actually, proud of both my children).  And I'm looking forward to see how they will grow and reinvent themselves in the years to come. 

A month or so ago, Neddy and I had gone out for our anniversary.  And we were sitting there having dinner.  We had just celebrated Ned's birthday - surprise party style - and he said to me, "on my next big birthday, I don't think I could handle a surprise party again!"  And we started thinking about the future, and what the next ten years would hold for us, through God's grace.  My stepdaughter (Ned's daughter) is expecting her first child in December.  Ani and Eric are getting married.  In ten years' time, perhaps my son will also find his soulmate.  We sat there flash-forwarding to family vacations with grandchildren, hugs and sticky kisses.  It was so beautifully surreal.  Life goes on and it's wild how much change can happen in such a short time.

And then I started thinking backward too..  Just a little over a year ago, I underwent surgery for cancer.  Two types of cancer last year.  Two surgeries.  Lots of challenges, and lots of good stuff too.  Lots of happiness mixed in with the tough times.  And it's all behind me now...and then there's a whole lot in front of me too!

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” - Albert Einstein

I thank God for the miracles!!!

I'm Back!

Where is time going??   I just logged on here and found that I hadn't posted a blog since December 11!!!  Insane!  So much is going on around me, but time doesn't stand still enough for me to organize my thoughts and write.  I have to make time.  So today is Wednesday, Feb. 22, and I'm at the office on my lunch break, with my salad, my water, and my Django Rinehardt playing and two-plus months worth of catching up to do.

My health is good, thank God.  The worst part of surgery/reconstruction (post-mastectomy) is over, and I have a little bit of cosmetic stuff to go through in a couple months, but all in all, I am well.  Well enough to train for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer this coming September.  Wait, not only train, but lead a team of amazing women and men (20 in total) as Team In Her Shoes.  It's been fun.  We've been doing weekly training walks, fundraising, and raising awareness for breast cancer.  We each have to raise $1,800 to participate...and with 20 walkers, that makes our goal $36,000.  So we've started early and we're 23% of the way there.  info.avonfoundation.org/goto/inhershoes   So here's a shameless plug:  If you'd like to donate, here's the website!  We're walking to put an end to all cancers and will walk in memory, honor or celebration of your loved one, so send me their name and I will carry them on our 39 mile journey!

My daughter Ani and her fiance Eric set their wedding date, so that's very exciting.  They'll be getting married in the Fall, and it'll be here before you know it.  So there's exciting times ahead.  She's actually started a blog about the whole experience called Bacheegs & Love.   I linked in if you're interested to click and read.  Last month we got to go to Ani's residency graduation.  She's now a full blown pediatric nurse and on her own at Children's Hospital.

The illustration job is COMPLETE as of last night at 12:45 a.m.!!!  Yep, I scanned the last two drawings to the East Coast this morning, and now we're in the process of sending all 15 panels over for publication.  It was part of my Lenten Journey to get these done and over with already!!!  And here we are on day 3 of lent and I'm done (all except for a little sliver of cloth on the priest's waist band.  Really!)

I think the one thing that has really been suffering is my jewelry business.  I have been so busy that I haven't had a chance to work in silver or beads at all and given that this year's goal is to "Build my Business" I really need to get off the stick and push, push, push.

I did some writing on Hub Pages over Christmas.  Recipes and whatnot.  If you're interested, check it out.  http://www.hubpages.com/  and you can search for me as "ahnoosh".  Looks of canning and cooking recipes and the recipe for my grandma's yalanchi sarma.

Anyways, that's about all the time I have today.  I just wanted to check in.  I'm going to try to write more regularly.  And I have a lot of ideas.

Here's today's question:  Lent is here.  What is your lenten journey about?