One Way Monologue/Two-Way Conversation (Audio)

ITP #29: Have you ever spoken with someone who just took over the conversation? Are you that someone? What about during your prayer time? This week Anush tries to quiet her mind and have a conversation, rather than a monologue, with God. And it's Anush's birthday, so stop by Inside the Pomegranate, and join life's celebration!
Links:
Anush's book: When I Go to Church
Anush's jewelry: pomegranateandeye.etsy.com
Anush's email: anushnoor@gmail.com
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
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One Way Monologue/Two-Way Conversation

From the moment we wake up in the morning, until we at last fall asleep at night, we are constantly bombarded with thoughts, texts, calls, emails.  Right?  I think it was last week's blog image that might have had a subliminal impact on me.  It said, "Are you listening?" Something about this came to me during morning prayer time, and I wanted to share it with you.

My phone alarm chirps out a cricket tone every weekday moring at 5:00 a.m.  Not too harsh a way to wake up.  And just like all of you, from the minute I wake up my mind starts racing through the day and what I have planned.  Last week, I was sooo tired that every morning was kind of a jumble of thoughts in my half sleep, with my head in a funk, trying to figure out what day it was, was it skid row outreach night? or Ascencia night?  Do I have enough crew? I have been trying to be a little kinder to myself and working on getting to bed earlier...at least by 11.  And so far - at least for this week - I've been waking up a little clearer.

Okay, so....we all have our morning routines.  And mine goes like this.  Wake up....and do my daily scriptural/meditative reading, and writing.  I found that reading alone (for me) was not being absorbed, but if I just focus on writing something about that reading and how it applies to my life, (applied Christianity, right?), then not only do I figure it out, but it kind of stays with me through the day a bit.  Then,  when I get that done, then it's time for prayer.  Now all this is happening and it sounds really relaxed and calm, right? Well, it is, and it isn't.  I love this ritual that I have in the morning because it kind of helps set the tone for my day....BUT in the back of my mind...the clock is running, and so is my to-do list.  In other words, what I want to do is sit, relax, think about what I read, blah blah blah...right? But really, this is the dialogue:

"Okay, time for prayer. It's 5:20...still have to get dressed.  Don't forget to pack the crocheting for the busride,  it's in the family room.  I wonder how mom's doing.  Hope she's feeling okay.  What meals am I going to put together for her today?  What's in the fridge for her? Remember to get a stamp to mail off the bill to the gardener?  What's the weather like outside?  Will it be cold at the busstop? Check the weather..."  Okay so you get the idea.  And although I'm not actively thinking about all these things during morning prayer, it's kind of like a running script in the back.

I just thought of a flashback.  Are any of you old enough to remember the old Addam's family series with

John Aston and Carolyn Jones...well on that show he always had this ticker tape machine going that was linked to the stock market -- how did that work anyways?  I mean what would that be connected to?  That was in the days before fax machines right?    (I'm going to need to google that!)  Anyway, Gomez would always check how his stocks in Consolidated Lint were doing.  Well, that's kind of how it is....the back of my mind is always taking stock of the day.

And this past week, in one of my daily writings, I mentioned the word "conversation" and how much I appreciated my morning conversation with God.  But I realized something.  I wasn't really having a conversation as much as a running monologue.  A conversation is two way, right?  And with my thanks, and praise and petitions to God, I don't think I was giving a chance to let God get a word in edgewise.

Have you ever spoken with someone like that?   Someone who dominates the conversation?  They go on and on, and everytime you change the subject, the conversation changes back to that person.  Well, I'm picturing that person as me, with God on the other end.  So this week I changed things up a bit.   I made my prayer time more like a conversation.  I would pray a bit.  And then stop....and sit in silence and listen.  And then continue....and stop....meditate on it....and listen.  It's not like I was waiting to hear God answer every single issue that I was discussing, but I wanted to still my mind enough to be able to feel God's presence.

Let me tell you...this was more of an exercise than I thought it would be.  It was tough...and it still is tough. Because in that silent time, it's hard to clear my mind of the ticker tape issues of the day.  The first day was just a wash.  But as the week has been progressing, it's getting a little better as I continue to work on it.  I'm still at the point of just working on "clearing my mind" during the quiet times and allowing myself to sit in peace and listen.  When the thoughts creep in, I try to acknowledge them and then allow them to float away. If I actively say, "OUT",  it creates even more dialogue in my  head.  The object is to stay focused on the stillness and the time I have with God.  I'm new at it...but I'm going to keep working on it. Do you have any experience with this? Do you have any tips for me?  What is your prayer or meditation life like?  Share with me.  I'd love to hear from you.  Leave me a comment or email me personally - anushnoor@gmail.com

On a separate note:  Today is Sunday.  And I am extra blessed because God has not just blessed me with another day, but today happens to be my birthday.  And although every day is a day to count our blessings, birthdays are kind of different because you get to sum up the year.  It's great to have a January birthday because we always start off the year with resolutions and expectations.  New milestones...and then my birthday, being at the beginning of the year, allows me to just take a step back and recap the year from my life's perspective too.  And what better way to do this, than to share it with you the things that happened this year :

First things first:  I'm alive (and Healthy!)!  Every day, and every year is a celebration and a blessing.  Think of the alternative, right?  So for that I'm truly blessed and grateful.

This past year, I walked in my 10th Avon Walk for Breast Cancer.  The first four years of those ten were 60 mile (three day walks), and then six 39-mile walks.  Every year I walk, it becomes more and more joyful as I am accompanied by more and more family and friends who make the miles go by more easily than those first few walks alone.   And God willing, we'll be walking together again, this coming September with Team In Her Shoes!

It was also my first full year of adjustment to my empty next, after my daughter Ani got married.  But the nest wasnt empty for long because soon after Ani moved out, my mom (aka Mamajan) moved in, which has been a blessing for all our families since having her with us allows us to help her when she needs our help.

And then the little children's book I illustrated - When I Go To Church - was published. This little book was a milestone for me because I went to school to be a children's book illustrator, and after years of being able to do everything but be an illustrator, it finally happened. It's a child's view of what they see when they are attending badarak.

Let's see, what else?  This past year, we traveled to Chicago twice to visit our little granddaughter Grace...and that's always fun, and sad when we have to say goodbye because we miss her so much in between visits.  But hopefully this year, there will be more visits.

Oh, here's a big one....the podcast!  Although I had established my blog, this past year Inside the Pomegranate joined the epostle lineup of  podcasts and this week, we are on Episode 29!  Already!

This past year was my first full year as a vegetarian, so there were a lot of positive changes in diet and thinking, and I've started off this year as a vegan.

My jewelry business - Pomegranate & Eye - had it's best year ever.

There were fun times on vacation, as Ned and I took a 2,000 mile camping trip up the Oregon Coast and got to experience miles and miles of old time radio CD's, beautiful coastline and forests, Ned's first ever camping trip, collecting all kinds of shells and rocks and memories!

And....we continued to feed hundreds of our city's homeless populations with our In His Shoes crew as we signed up and became one of the regular guest chefs at Glendale's homeless shelter, and we continue our work feeding and clothing those on the streets on downtown's Skid Row area.

Wow....in retrospect, this year has been action-packed!  And pretty good for an old lady like me!!! Life is good, and full!  I wonder what's in store this year!  If it's anything like the year I just had, I know it will be filled with happiness, friends, family, great memories with some great surprises mixed in.

It was a beautiful birthday.  I really couldn't have asked for it to be any better.  This morning, I received somany hugs  and happy birthday wishes from Mamajan, Neddy, sisters and brothers, and then my church family.  And then after church, my daughter Ani and her husband Eric, and my son Nareg, and his girlfriend Rosalind joined Ned and I for lunch at my favorite vegan restaurant.  It was very special to me to see how beautifully my children have grown up and now have their own lives with kind and compassionate hearts.  After we said our goodbyes, we went to my sister's to pick up Mamajan and bring her home..and I got to visit with my sister and nieces.  And now, we're home, where I logged onto Facebook and found a gadjillion birthday wishes.  Life is beautiful when you're surrounded by the ones you love and who love you.

Thank you to all of you who make my life so very special and blessed!

Recognizing Divine Intervention (Audio)

ITP #17: In this episode, Anush catches us up on her trip to the midwest, the homeless outreach, and some new exciting news....and it's all got to do with some divine intervention!!
Links: Agra Hadeeg: http://ahnoosh.hubpages.com/hub/agra-hadeeg
DATEV Outreach 3rd Annual Walk Against Domestic Violence
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes

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Recognizing Divine Intervention

 I'm back!! We spent 5 days last week in Chicago where Fall was in full swing.  The weather was fresh and crisp, and it even got chilly at night (something we haven't experienced yet here in California.) We went back to visit family, but really to see our sweet grandbaby Grace.  I had a great time babysitting and playing with her, and we're so glad we had the chance to get out for a visit.   I wanted to be there for her first tooth so I  could prepare hadeeg for her.  For those of you who don't know about this tradition, it's a little celebration when the baby cuts their first tooth.  You put out various small items that would symbolize vocations, and you see which one your baby will pick...and that will (supposedly) determine what they'll be when they grow up.  It's a lot of fun. The problem is though that we were out in Chicago in May when Grace was 6 months, but she didn't have any teeth yet, so we decided to forego her hadeeg a bit.  Grace is now 10 months, so I thought, great! We'll tie in the hadeeg now.    So I brought the wheat with me to Chicago, but at 10 months, she still has no teeth! But it looks like they'll be popping in soon, SO, I decided to have the hadeeg ceremony anyways since we'd be back in California when it happens. We had different items symbolizing different jobs:  a pencil for writer, small toy animal for a vet, thermometer for the medical profession, little stubby screwdriver for construction, you get the idea.  We covered all the items with a cloth, brought the baby over and sat her in front of it...and uncovered the items.  Grace looked right at them and picked up this small solar charger that I have for my cell phone.  She grabbed it and hung on to it, even though we tried to introduce other things that she might be interested in.  No go.  Soooo, the forecast is that she will either go into something with electronics or be an environmentalist (she did pick up the Solar charger, right?)

This all reminded me of my daughter Ani's hadeeg celebration.  Ani was 14 months old before she got herhttp://ahnoosh.hubpages.com/hub/agra-hadeeg

first tooth, and then she got 6 at once!  Because our family was spread out, we had planned a vacation where we'd all meet at Lake Mead.  My brother's family coming in from the Cupertino area...and us from L.A.  We did Ani's hadeeg on the grassy lawn of a hotel in Barstow!  I had brought the hadeeg wheat and the items, and my two brothers had brought a racing form to put in front of Ani....(CHAR!!!)  Of course that's what she grabbed and they were convinced she'd be a gambler!  But I made them start over, and she picked up a pen.  And if you know Ani, you know she likes to write, draw and blog...so it worked on that one.  And I think she's been known to gamble a bit as well!  Anyways, it's a fun tradition.  I wrote a piece about it on HubPages, so if you'd like to learn more about hadeeg, check out the  following link:   Here's the link to an article I wrote about it if you'd like more info about this tradition.

I wanted to also catch you up on our homeless outreach at Ascencia, Glendale's homeless shelter because I wanted to share what happened that evening because it was just one of those divine intervention things that are too cool not to share. So two weeks ago, after church, I was approached by Deegeen Azniv.  She told me that she had brought a bag of clothing for the homeless outreach, but she had put it in the church office. She wanted to make sure I took it with me to the shelter and asked me to go put it in the car.  So I went to get the bag from the office.  When I got there, there were two bags.  A bag of clothing in a Macy's bag, and next to it, a plastic bag as well.  I grabbed them both and put them in the back of my car.  I came back to join the crowd during coffee hour, and thanked Deegeen. Azniv for the bags.  She told me she had only brought one bag...not two. But I had already loaded the clothes in my car so I just left the clothing there anyways.

On Thursday, I pulled up to the shelter, opened the hatch to unload the food and soon some of the resident men had come out to help me bring in the food for dinner.  A man with a shirt wrapped around his waist came up and rather than help, he asked me if I would have a pair of pants I could give to him.  He told me that he had ripped his pants and that's why he was wearing his shirt around his waist.  He said he was a 9 year veteran, and that the clothing on his back was all he owned.  Well, as usual, I don't know what I have donated in the bags.  People save their clothing for our outreach, and bring me their bags which I store in my garage til we're ready to go either to the shelter or to Skid Row.  I told the man that we could look and hopefully we'd find something.  So there we were going through the bags of clothing and they were all either women's clothing or tshirts.  No men's clothes.  I opened the back passenger door of my car and there was Deegeen Azniv's bag.  We looked through that bag as well...there was a towel which the man was grateful for...but no pants.  And finally, I brought forward the extra bag.  Remember, this is the bag that Deegeen Azniv didn't give.  In fact I wasn't even supposed to bring that bag with me.  But there, at the very bottom of the bag....was a pair of jeans.  When I pulled them out to hold them up for the man, we found that they were the exact perfect size.  Now THAT is some serious divine intervention!  And there's one more cool thing to the story.  The man that received the pants was not even a resident of the shelter. Edward, the resident manager told me that the man had just stopped by as he was passing through.  And I wasn't supposed to have the extra bag of clothing, but somehow, I picked it up...and he happened to be at the shelter that night, ready to receive a pair of pants that I had brought just for him.   I love it when that happens.

I have another story about divine intervention that I wanted to write about.  It revolves around another exciting thing that happened this past week.  My book is finally published!!!  This is a book that I illustrated for the Eastern Diocese of the Armenian Church called "When I Go to Church".  It was a labor of love.  The book is beautifully bound on heavy board for little fingers.  The idea for having this book is to keep them in the pews in all the Eastern Diocesan churches so that when families attend church with their children, their child can sit and look at this book showing them what we do during the Armenian Orthodox services.  Familiar scenes to our service.

Working on this book was a lot of hard work.  And there were many revisions.  The drawings had to be correct, and I never realized how everything in our church has a purpose and reason.  For example, I  had to do a whole new drawing because I had forgotten that the priest holds the gospel book with a cloth.  Or that the deacon holds the poorvar (censor) chain a certain way.  There were all kinds of details to pay attention to.  I would do the rough drafts, scan them send them via email to NY for  clergy's approval, and if all was right, then I could go ahead and work on the ink and color.  We finally got the drawings done...and were waiting for printing when Hurricane Sandy hit and that pushed the print date back.  But sometime last week, a package arrived from the Eastern Diocese of the Armenian Church.  I opened it and there it was!  My book.  It's finally in print.

As cool as it all is, it hardly sounds divine, right?  Well, there's a back story to how it all came to be.  And that's what I wanted to share with you.  It was all due to a prayer.  I went to school to be a children's book illustrator.  Unlike illustrators today, back in the day, we had to learn how to draw by hand...not by computer.  I have a degree in illustration and graphic design.  But what I needed a degree in marketing myself.  Self Promotion - which I have not been very successful with.  So although I could draw, I was not able to make a living with my art, and so I have done all kinds of jobs throughout my life.  And currently, I have a desk job managing property accounts for an insurance broker.  It's one of those kinds of things where on a daily basis I ask, "what am I doing here?" because although I have been at my job for 10 years now, it still doesn't seem "natural" to me.  So one afternoon, I was especially frustrated, and at my desk, I said a prayer.  I asked God to use me and my creative talents so that I would be able to do what I love (create) and bring Him glory.  That was it basically.

But we have to go back.  About 15 years ago, I went to a Sunday School conference to hear two speakers from the Eastern Diocese Department of Religous Education speak about curriculum.  Our church was using the Eastern Diocese Sunday School curriculum and I loved the illustrated books.  I had the idea to take my art portfolio and some samples to the conference to show these two women - Nancy and Elise. Their presentation at the conference was wonderful.  And afterward I went up and introduced myself and showed them my artwork.  They liked it, but sadly, they had just redone their curriculum and they didn't need any artwork done at that time.  I left them some samples of my artwork.

Fifteen years later, the idea of this book came about.  Elise was going through her files to find the right illustrator for this book, and she found my samples.  Mind you, this was about a month after my prayer to God.  So she pulled out the samples and she wanted to call me, BUT, since I gave her those samples, a lot had changed.  My name had changed after I remarried.  My address had changed.  My phone number had changed.  And she didn't have my email address (I don't think I even had an email address back then).  She couldn't find me.   But this is the amazing part.  Just by chance, in NewYork, there was a girl from California who was visiting the diocese.  The drawings were in Elise's office, when this girl happened to visit.  When Elise showed her my artwork and told her she wasn't able to find me, the girl stopped and looked at the samples.  She noticed my last name and said, "I think I may be friends with her son on Facebook?"  She contacted my son Nareg....and the rest, as they say is history!  Nareg gave her my email address, and Elise was able to contact me about illustrating the book!  Another cool Divine Intervention, right?  So never underestimate the power of prayer (and social media!).  God has us all in His hands.  We just have to trust and believe in those prayers!  How about you.  Have you had experiences with divine intervention?  I'd love to hear about them, so leave your comments on my blog!!

So I'm excited for this coming Sunday, October 27.  We're having a book signing with the debut of the book right after church.  A lovely member of our church family, Mrs. Nina Simonian, donated 100 of these books to our church to be used by the children of our parish during badarak.  So our church will have these books in our pews for children to use during church.  So come down to St. Peter on Sunday, October 27!

Oh one more thing.  This Thursday we'll be walking with Datev Outreach from Glendale to the Western Diocese in Burbank...about 6 miles in solidity against Domestic Violence.  Join us!!  More details at the https://www.facebook.com/datevoutreach  But meet up at St Peter Armenian Church at 632 W. Stocker Street in Glendale at 4:00 p.m on October 22.  Come on...it'll be fun!  And maybe you'll get the itch to do a bigger, longer walk - like the 2014 Avon Walk for Breast Cancer?  Maybe?  ; )

My Armenian Orthodox Rosary (Audio)

ITP # 8: Ever wish the Armenian Orthodox church had prayed the rosary? Anush does. Tune in to learn about her own Armenian Orthodox rosary (and even how to make one yourself!) It's all on this week's episode 8 of Inside the Pomegranate!
Links: Blog: www.pomegranateandeye.com
I Confess with Faith
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes

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My Armenian Orthodox Rosary

Here's my coral rosary with 24 beads and a cross

Today as I was driving into work in heavy traffic, I instinctually grabbed for the beads that are hanging in my car.  Not just ordinary beads, mind you, but MY Armenian Orthodox Rosary.  First of all, let me explain.  I'm calling it MY  Armenian orthodox rosary because I don't know if the Armenian church has an official rosary.  I've checked online, and yes, Armenian Catholics do use them, but I found only two other references to Armenian rosaries.  One was a red, blue, orange and eye bead rosary that was for sale (seriously), and the other was on a site called the Byzantine Forum where someone wrote in asking about an Armenian Orthodox rosary, and the response came in that yes, there was such a thing and it has 100 beads but laity can use a 33 bead rosary.  That's news to me.  I've been brought up in the Armenian church and I've never seen actual rosaries being used.  As I was writing this, I was listening to this week's episode of the Next Step and it struck me as funny when I heard father Vazken mention rosaries as well.  But not in this context.

Most days, I take the bus to work in the mornings, and often times, I see riders with their rosaries, fingering them during their morning commute.  I like that.  I like the discipline of praying the catholoc rosary, though I am not a catholic.  But I have found myself wishing that our Armenian Orthodox faith had something like a rosary, because I find comfort in reciting prayer in a "formula" fashion.  I find that it's a way for me to quiet my thoughts and to help me focus.  And I suppose I like the ritual aspect of it as well.  The fact that praying a rosary is a "set" prayer appeals to me.

Several years ago, during my lenten journey, I started focusing  on the 24 prayers of St. Nerses Shnorhali.  The Havodov Khosdovanemk or I confess with faith  These 24 prayers are said in our church during our lenten Huskoom service. There is one prayer for each hour of the day, but during our evening service, we say them in succession.  My grandmothers are my heroes.  When the going has gotten tough for me, i often think about them and all they went through, and it gives me strength.   Both of them were genocide survivors.  And both were complete opposites of one another.  But both were strong women of faith.  My grandmothers knew these 24 prayers by heart.  And I imagine that reciting these prayers gave them comfort in the darkest time in their lives.  I decided, about 6 years ago, to memorize these prayers, but to memorize them in the language which I was most familiar with...English.

I had received a copy of these prayers from church and tucked them in my purse.  Then on one busride, as I watched the woman across the aisle from me praying her rosary, I decided that I was going to learn my prayers as well.  So I started with the first.  "I confess with faith and adore you, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Uncreated and immortal essence, creator of angels, of humans and all that exists.  Have mercy upon all your creatures and upon me a manifold sinner."  That busride was when i decided to learn the first of the 24 prayers. I would read a sentence, close my eyes, think about the sentence, and try to repeat it in my head.  I'd do something else and then come back to it, and try to remember what I had learned.  I'd check myself against the paper in my hand.  If I had the sentence right...I'd learn the second sentence...and then repeat it, but only after I had repeated the first sentence before it.  Each bus ride I'd add another 2 or 3 sentences, always reinforcing what I had learned prior.  Each week, I was learning about 2 prayers and finally, I had them all memorized.  It took months, but it made my busride meaningful, and my prayer life was increasing.  As I learned the prayers, I thought about them.  Each one of them ended with "Have mercy upon all your creatures and upon me a manifold sinner."  Okay, what was a manifold sinner?  When I was in 12th grade, I took auto shop for a year and rebuilt the engine of my first car....but I that is a whole different Oprah...but in my head a manifold was an exhaust manifold.  I didn't like that....so i searched other translations...and found one that substituted the word "great"  Have mercy upon all your creatures and upon me a great sinner.

Then the word "creature" was kind of bugging me.  I kept thinking of the creature from the black lagoon.  But creature means "anything that is created".  So I ended each prayer with, "have mercy upon all your creation and upon me a great sinner."  And that was a better fit.  It just made more sense to me.

So this became my busride prayer.  I would start when I first borded the bus, and finish with the 24th prayer by the time we were on the freeway heading toward Eagle Rock, about ten miles away.  And I started seeing how having a physical rosary to hold might help to keep track of which prayer I was on if I got distracted (which is easy to do on the bus).  So made myself a rosary.  I used a piece of leather cord, and adding a cross to the center, I added 12, equidistant knots in the leather on each side making a knot for each prayer.  That's it.  It's very simple and unpretentious.  I also made one with some coral beads that I had...and I keep that one in my car.  I use those sometimes when I'm driving.

These prayers have brought me a lot of comfort.  They are in my mind when I walk around downtown L.A.; if I'm feeling troubled; if I'm stuck in traffic; when I'm having trouble falling asleep and I can't clear my mind, or when I'm feeling overwhelmed with too much to do.

Sometimes I will choose one to reflect on.  Othertimes, it's a way for me push myself to thinking.  I'll start with the last one first and go backward in order.  Since each of the prayers are individual, each is a complete prayer by itself.  Prayers 3-24 have a different name for Christ starting each prayer.  Sometimes I"ll only pray the names:  Heavenly Father, Son of God, Spirit of God, Uncreated Essence, Beholder of all, Searcher of Secrets, All provident Lord, Living fire, Jesus wisdom of the father, Lord, Heavenly King, Bestower of Mercy . Benificent Lord, and so on.

And I definitely have my favorites.  I think most of us have recited the Bahaban Amenaynee or O Christ Guardian of all.  And if you're active in Armenian Orthodcox church life, you know the O Jesus, Wisdom of the father, prayer because that's usually the prayer said before meetings when we ask God to grant us wisdom that we may think, speak, and do that who's is good in His sight.  I think the most amazing of these prayers is the 22nd, which asks God to, "Forgive all my enemies, and those who hate me, the trespasses they have committed against me.  Turn them from the malice they bear toward me that they may be worth of your mercy."  Mind blowingly cool, right?   Think about it.  Not only am I asking forgiveness for my enemies and those that hate me, but I'm asking for forgiveness for them, why?  So that they can know God's  mercy.  Ultimate forgiveness.  Not forgiving for my sake, but so they can share in the beautiful gift of God's mercy.  Repaying your enemy with something so beautiful and precious that you want to share with even someone who has done you wrong.

Another favorite of mine is this one "Beneficient Lord, commit me to a good angel that I may deliver up my spirit in peace and convey it undisturbed by the malice of evil spirtis under the heavens."  I just think that's so beautiful....when the time comes to pass, that a good angel would deliver us up....protect us and make sure we make that safe transition.  I think there's something in each one of these prayers that is so beautiful and unique.

So I know that these prayers are typically recited during lent, but I think once you know them,you'll make them a part of your everyday life.  That lenten period, years ago when I decided to make learning these prayers part of my lenten journey was an invalable gift.

I will include these prayers on my website at www.pomegranateandeye.com  I hope that you'll check it out and make them your own.

Do you have another prayer or series of prayers that  speak personally to you?  Will you share them with me?  Or which one of the 24 is your favorite?  dont br shy. Please leave your comments.  I'd love to hear from you!

Well guess what? I am officially on vacation.  I will try to blog of our travels as we head up the Oregon coast!  Prayers for good weather please!!!  Hope you all have a beautiful and blessed week.

Here's the link to the 24 prayers of St. Nerses Shorhali - The I Confess with Faith:
http://www.armenianorthodoxy.org/I_confess_with_Faith.pdf

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Here I am last year..this was around Mile 37!!!  I could hear the crowds cheering at the finish line!

And we're still taking donations for Team In Her Shoes, this time to help one of our team mates, Nancy, get to her goal.  Please visit her page at www.avonwalk.org/goto/NancyBurgos
All the money we collect goes to the same great cause and supports our team.  Thank you so much for all your prayers and wonderful support!!

Please "like" us on Facebook.  And better yet, come out and cheer us on, on Sunday, September 8 as we cross the finish line at mile 39.3!!! Click here for Event Info!  Come see us!!!  http://www.avonwalk.org/santa-barbara/event-information.html

Why Pray?

If God is omniscient and truly knows our needs better than we do, then what is the point of prayer? I thought about this because of an email I received from a church family member and the many responses to it.  The email was addressed to five of us.  It was about one of our parishioners - a sweet woman that we all think of fondly.  This woman is a regular at church but she is a private person.  Some of us had noticed her absence on Sundays, and the email that I received was about that.   "Has anyone heard from Rose?  I heard that she's not well.  If any of you have her phone number, please let me know.  Let's keep her in our prayers."

Between the next few hours that passed after receiving the initial email, each recipient wrote in.  Whatever information any of us knew was shared with one another.  Her phone number.  When they had spoken to her last.  Someone wrote that she was going for treatment.  And each of us said we would pray for her.   Not one of us, however, asked what type of treatment, or what illness she was suffering from.   I really love this about our church family.  The need for acquiring information is not to use as a source of gossip, but out of genuine concern.    You ask someone to pray for you, and they do.  It doesn't matter if the reason for the prayer is shared with you.  It doesn't even matter that you know the person's name.  God knows all of that.  All we have to do is keep them elevated in our consciousness and amazing things happen through God's love.

The mere act of praying for someone bringstheir needs - instead of ours -- into focus. And when we know that someone is in need, we act on it.  In Rose's case, some  reported back that they had spoken to  her and relayed her progress.  Another had run into her in the market and shared with her that we missed her and were praying for her.  And what I really appreciated was one of the email responses brought into perspective that Rose is a private person, and asked that we please keep this in mind and not "share" any personal news about her with others but to just keep praying.  Incidentally, I did change Rose's name out of respect for her privacy.

The answer to the question, "Why pray?" is this:  Because it elevates our souls into acting out of love for one another - by reaching out, calling, visiting, caring for that person and in so doing - really doing God's commandment to love one another.  Praying is for US - to help us focus; to remember that all things are possible through God's love.  There is a specialness in belonging to this type of family.

Staying Awake with Christ

I hope you all had a very blessed Easter.  It seems like lent went by so quickly, and before you knew it,  it was Palm Sunday, and then were were living through Holy Week. I had a different perspective this year.

I wanted to share with you something I experienced on Holy Thursday.  During the Order of Darkness service we have after the Washing of the Feet, the gospel readings take us through Christ's betrayal, trial, suffering and finally his crucifixion.  It's very emotional as the 12 candles are extinguished two by two, and then the entire church is left lit by the single candle, Christ's light...and then finally we are left in complete darkness.

I've always wondered about the Garden of Gethsemane story.  How Jesus asks His disciples to stay awake with Him and pray, and returns to find that they had fallen asleep.  Didn't they care about Him?  Didn't they know what He was going through?  How could they not stay awake after He had asked them?  Well, I won't be making that judgement on them again, let me tell you.  Because I got to walk in their shoes this Holy Thursday.

So there we were, in the dark, praying on our knees, keeping vigil with Christ.  It's a long service after an doubly long day at work.  Much like the fishermen that were disciples,  my day starts early at 5:00 a.m.  I went to service that night with an open heart, with a love for our Lord, and hurting because of the suffering He endured for us.  I attended the prayer service because I wanted to be there for Him.  I wanted to stay awake.  And then slowly, as the service went on, in the darkness, the fatigue of the day set in.  My eyes were already closed in prayer...it was dark, and I could feel myself, more than once slipping away from prayer.  I'd catch myself and wake myself up, and continue....until it would overtake me again.  Eventually, I did make it through, but it wasn't easy for me.

I thought about the disciples.  Sure, I was kneeling in church with others like me.  But Christ's disciples were in a garden.  During this service in church we know what we are there for...we know the service will be long. And we also have our priest and deacons there doing the readings.  I was imagining how it would be had I been left alone, in a dark, warm garden, asked to stay awake after a long day of work (and not desk job work, but real physical work.)

What I learned from this beautiful service is that the disciples fell asleep not because they didn't love Him, and not because they were just tired, but more so because they were human.  I imagine that Christ knew this.  And as disappointed as He would be, I'm pretty sure that He understood.  Finally, I think that being human shouldn't be the cop out to not being able to follow through on what we are commanded.  We need to be "fully awake" to Christ's teachings, giving it our best shot.  And should a little dozing happen to take over, give ourselves a little nudge to wake up, refocus ourselves, and continue on, fully awake, in the light.

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You can hear this post read on this week's episode of "The Next Step with Fr. Vazken"

Walking By Heart With God

When I was young, whenever we were supposed to learn something totally and completely, backwards and forwards, inside and out, my teachers would say we'd have to learn it "by heart".  An interesting way of thinking, don't you think?  Why not learn it by mind?  by head? or by brain?  I mean that's where the thought processes are, right?  But "by heart" meant more than just learning it like a robot...it meant embracing it, learning it with every beat of your heart, and feeling it coursing through your veins.  Okay, I'm being a little dramatic here.  We don't ever think about it this way when we're little, but you get what I'm saying.  In a nutshell, do your homework, really learn it, and be ready when you're asked a question about it.

I remember learning many things "by heart": the Pledge of Allegiance, the Lord's Prayer in English, the Preamble of the Constitution, and later all the verses of Miss American Pie.

Growing up, we always prayed as a family at mealtime, and mom would tuck us in at night and say our prayers with us, and those were always learned prayers as well, except for the add-ins of people we would pray for, but in general, we would recite the Lord's Prayer in Armenian and later on the 15th prayer of I Confess with Faith - Bahaban Amenaynee or O Christ, Guardian of all.

As we grow up, we learn about prayer and talking to God not by heart, but  FROM the heart.  And this is how I spend my morning prayer time with God, in conversation.  Mostly listening to myself and trying to hear Him or feel God's presence. And this morning, not having anything to write about today in mind, I asked for guidance on what I could share with you.  And then I left for work.

I have made a habit of praying by heart when I am alone.When I was going through radiation therapy, I would recite the 23rd Psalm.  I had my rhythm timed just right so that when the machine started, I would start, "The Lord Is My Shepherd."  I would go nice and slow, and just when I would end with ..."and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever," the machine would click off.   I found this very comforting at a very scary and uncertain time in my life.  But I digress....

So I left the house this morning for work, and on my 6 block walk to the bus stop (in the DARK because of the new time change), I was praying the 24 "I Confess with Faith" prayers, and I got to prayer #9 and there it was again...the thinking with the heart thing.  Here it is:

"All Provident Lord, place your holy fear as a guard before my eyes that I may not look lustfully; before my ears that they may not delight in hearing evil words; before my mouth that it may not speak falsehoods; before my HEART that it may not THINK evil; before my hands that they may not do injustice; before my feet that they may not walk in the paths of injustice, but so direct them that they may always be according to your commandments.  Have mercy on all your creation and on me a great sinner."

And so there it was...you get what you pray for.  I asked for something to write about, and here it is.  And it made perfect sense.  To think with one's heart. Whether we act in joy or anger, the emotion comes from the heart.  The brain controls the physical functions of our bodies, but it's the heart that controls our actions.  Whether we choose to love or hate, fear or embrace, it's all tied in with the love we receive, the hurt we felt, the disappointment, the happiness, the joy and the sorrow...and it's the heart that controls all of that.

For me, there is a place for both - by heart, and from the heart - prayer.  The prayers that I have learned over the years are not a substitute for the conversations that I share with God in the early morning hours, throughout the day and late at night.  They have been a companion to me in the worst of times, and also in the best of days.   But they are a constant comfort, and they accompany the beat of my heart, and the rhythm of my footsteps as I walk everyday, by heart, with God.

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To hear the audio version of this as well as other blog entries, tune into The Next Step with Father Vazken a weekly podcast about Armenian Orthodoxy and applied Christianity  at www.epostle.net

A Loving Divorce

I was talking to a friend the other day.  She is going through a failing marriage.  We sat and talked over coffee, sharing our pasts and thoughts and emotions, and then, and then what came out of my mouth kind of took me aback.  Not that it was surprising, because it's what I knew in my heart to be true.  But the way it flowed out came out so naturally.  What I told her was this:  Open your heart to love.  Do all things out of love, always.  Because when your heart is open to love, you will attract goodness.  And don't be afraid to fail.  Because in failure there is growth.  Learn from your mistakes, forgive and move on.

Going through a divorce is not easy.  I know because I have been there.  There are a lot of emotions, hurt, anger and pain.  And so how is it possible to have a loving divorce?  Weird question, right?  First of all, I'll tell you, it's not easy.  But it can be done.  The key is prayer and forgiveness.  Prayer has always been important to me.  It took prayer to guide me to make my decisions.  It took prayer to help me heal.  And it took a lot of prayer to forgive.

As I talked to my friend, the analogy of a wound came to mind.   In the beginning, the wound is fresh and painful.  If you keep it clean, nurture it, and take care of it, it will slowly heal.  Eventually, it will heal over and all that will be left is a small scar...to help you remember the good parts and learn from the past.  If you treat the wound with bitterness, anger and hatred, it will keep opening and festering.  A constant reminder of the bad hand you were dealt and the pain that you're going through - over and over again.

Forgiving one's self is the hardest of all.  Growing up in a family where divorce was not in the vocabulary made it especially difficult. So forgiving myself for a failing marriage was the hardest, especially when I thought about my children, division of the family, and all that bad stuff.   I am fortunate in that my ex-husband understood that we would forever be in each other's lives because of the children we have together.  We tried hard to never speak badly about one another in front of the children or otherwise.  We never allowed our kids to feel that they had to choose sides.  We worked hard to be there together for their birthdays and family events.  It was a lot of work, quite often very awkward, but in all things we thought first of our children.  And as they grew older, we had less parenting to do together, and so our differences became less and less prevalent.  Eventually, time healed the wounds and both of us  moved on and remarried.

Our children have now grown into adults.  My son was telling me the other day that he has so many friends who have divorced parents that can't stand to be in the same room with one another.  I am blessed that things worked out as they did, but it's not random chance.  Like I said, it takes a lot of work, an open heart and an ability to forgive. And it takes faith and prayer.  None of us are perfect.  Once I came to terms with this key fact, it became easier to forgive and move on.  When we pray the Lord's prayer, we ask, "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us."  In other words, forgive us the way that we forgive others.  I try very hard in all things not to judge someone.  I leave that up to God.  When it's time, He will be the one to judge.  My job at this time, is to spread His love and light to others.  This is my daily prayer.

This past October, we had the honor of sharing a very blessed moment together.  My ex-husband and I walked our daughter down the aisle together as she approached the altar to marry her best friend and the love of her life.  When we kissed her and gave her over to her handsome groom, we took our place in the pew as her loving parents - next to our respective spouses.  Love is forever.  Sometimes it changes shape and reinvents itself.  Old wounds heal, and all that remains is a small scar to remember the good times, to learn from the difficult times, and to revel in the beauty of a life well-loved.

Pray Like a Child? - or - The Five Fingers of Prayer

Last year I made a conscious effort to set aside time to pray.  Sure, I have always prayed, but it had never been very formal, but more of a conversation with God throughout the day, while driving, while walking, etc.  Those conversations are still going on as I see God in so many things throughout my day, but I do make time - first thing in the morning - to spend serious time in private, quiet prayer. 

When I first started, I noticed that my prayers were kind of disjointed.  Giving thanks for this; and asking for that.  Then I discovered this simple way to keep the dialogue open, and to remember who/what to pray for.  Of course, there are many, many ways to pray.  And your prayer time with God is private and personal.  So I am only posting this because it has helped me.

The Five Fingers of Prayer

Whether you pray with your hands in traditional prayer pose or not, picture them as such.

Thumbs:  Your thumbs are closest to you.  So pray for those that are closest to your heart.  Your family, your friends.

Index Finger:  This finger is also known as the "pointer" finger.  Pray for those who point you in the right direction -- in the path of light.  Pray for your priest, your teachers, maybe a person who has guided you to live a better life.  Pray for their ministries, their work, and that God give them strength to continue guiding us.

Middle finger:  Your middle finger is the tallest.  Associate this with someone in high office.  Pray for the leaders of our country and all countries worldwide.  Pray that God open their hearts and minds toward peace and compassion that they can lead their people in the right path toward peace, harmony and justice.

Ring Finger:  Have you tried holding up your ring finger by itself?  The ring finger is the weakest finger.  Pray for those that are weak.  The oppressed, those that are victims of war, domestic violence, cancer, sickness, weak in spirit.  Pray for those that are hurt and suffering; for the widows and orphans.  Add the names of those that have asked you to pray for them. 

Little Finger:  The little finger is the least of the fingers.  Finally, remember to pray for yourself and your needs last of all.

It's very simple, I know.  But it makes sense and it works for me.  Whatever works, right? 
I hope you find it helpful in your prayer life.  If not for you, then possibly to explain prayer to your child.

May our New Year be filled with blessings and a renewal of faith for all of us.

New Year, New Beginnings, and a New Look

Happy New Year! 

2012 was a wonderful year for me.  So many life celebrations happened.  I celebrated my first year of being cancer free. My daughter Ani got married, and just last week we went to Chicago to meet (and love) our first grandchild - Grace - my step-daughter Robyn's baby girl. 

But there's more good stuff:  I was team leader for an amazing group of walkers - Team In Her Shoes - and together we walked 39.3 miles in two days to put an end to breast cancer, and in the process we raised in excess of $35,000!

On the creative front, I completed the illustrations for my first children's book which is coming out this year, and I expanded my use of metals and started working in bronze and copper (as well as silver).   

Last night, as we toasted in the New Year, I reflected back on New Years Eve 2011.  I was "done" with that year.  It was a tough one filled with cancer and surgeries, yet it was also a year of strength and focus, of hope and faith.  As tough as that year was, it was still triumphant because we lived through it.

I can't hope that 2013 will be "better" than last year.  Last year was pretty great.  But I do hope that it will be just as good.   There are definite goals for 2013.  I'm declaring it a year to be healthy, to be happy.

So here is how I plan to achieve this:
1.  Take the bus.  Starting tomorrow I'm back on the bus.  I've been driving to work for the past year (post surgery), and now I'm ready to switch back to public transportation.  This will do a few nice things for me not to mention the environment -
a) It will force me to walk (I'm planning on walking the 6 blocks from our home to and from the bus stop); b) It will allow me time to read/crochet - both of which I love to do. It's a win/win!

2.  Weight loss and Vegetarianism:  I plan on tackling both.  A couple months ago, I gave up eating meat.  I'm having a bit of trouble balancing the food.  No animal protein has meant higher carbs.  I'm feeling it.  It's time to get a grip on the balance.  So I'll be working on finding the happy medium.  Along the way I want to work out some good vegetarian low-cal recipes.

3.  Continue to make time for daily prayer.  I started this last year.   Early morning, alone time with God before starting the day.  I find that this prayer time sets the tone for the rest of my day.

4.  Grow my business.  Make time to create, photograph and list new items.  www.pomegranateandeye.etsy.com

These are the main goals.  I've got lots of ideas  I'm thinking I'd like to walk in the Avon Walk again.  The training will help my health goals (plus it's a lot of fun and for a great cause).  I'd also like to make sure I get to bed earlier than I have been.  But that remains to be seen.  And then there's blogging.  I'm hoping to blog regularly.

What about you?  Do you have goals for the new year?  Leave me a comment and let me know.  Need motivation? Let me know!

Wishing you and your family a happy, healthy, and blessed new year filled with love, compassion, peace and joy!

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Pray for Peace. Believe in Peace. Live Peace

Have you every been in conversation with God when you receive a message so clear that it sort of makes you stop and say, "Is that you, God?"  I had one of those moments today during my morning prayer.  Except for one thing.  There was no doubt.  I didn't have to ask, I just knew.

I always pray for peace.  That our world leaders will wake up and work toward peace.  That we choose the right leaders for our country.  An end to fighting.  That our soldiers - all soldiers - return home safely.  For Darfur.  For my sponsored children in Chad and Malawi, for Iran, Afghanistan, you name it.   But this morning was a little different.  The concept of "if you want peace, you need to work at it.  "Pray for Peace.  Work for Peace.  Live Peace" was very prominent.

I can't explain to you how it was conveyed to me. And I finished my prayer knowing that I was going to - I was commanded to -  share this with whomever would read/listen.  And let me just say, it's nothing like the heaven opening up, actually the concept is so simple you'll probably not think it's that profound, but receiving it, it really was!  So here it is.

I was thanking God for hearing my prayers.  So many people that I have been praying for are doing so much better and I'm so thankful. I was thinking about why those prayers were answered yet we are so far from peace.  Maybe it's collective prayer:  in these instances, many are praying for the afflicted.  And because we are praying, we are living the prayer, daily, we're aware of that person's issues. We call them, we care about them, when we see them we are genuinely happy and go up to embrace them sharing our concern. And then when healing takes place, it's evident, sometimes tangible. 

With peace it's different because it's a concept.  But like anything we pray for, we have to believe, and live it.  We have to vote for candidates that will govern with Love, not hatred.  Might can't be right.  Love can be.  We have to live in peace with one another - not letting the little things bother us, forgiving people that hurt us.  Moving on from the petty.  Caring for each other.  Doing what is

What about vegetarianism?  It opens that door for me to think about.  If I'm going to live in peace, is the killing of animals keeping me from living in peace?  I haven't decided that one yet, but inside, I know that it's true, right?  It's my own pleasure that I'm seeking when I say, "yeah, but...."

This was the clear message.  We have to pray it, believe it -- correction -- "I" have to pray it, believe it and live it.  I have to keep it in the forefront of my consciousness.  If I want it as bad as I say I do, then I have to work for it (just like weight loss, walking 39 miles, like anything!)  It has to be a top concern because without peace, there is no future. 

That's the message I got today.  Pray for peace.  Believe in Peace.  Live Peace. Today I will take steps toward peace.  I want to think about this more in the coming days, weeks, months ahead.  I would love to see a world of peace and love replace the hatred and violence.  I think working together, we can achieve it!  What are your thoughts?  I would love to hear from you. 

Be Mindful of What You Pray For

If you're on Facebook, you know that for the past several weeks, I've been diligently working on completing a series of illustrations for a children's book -- a commission from the Eastern Diocese of the Armenian Church in New York. 



I am welcomed by my church family



I've always wanted to be an illustrator for children's books.  My degree is in illustration.  Unfortunately, as much as I wanted to be an illustrator, my ability to "self-promote" and market myself  was terrible.  And so the years went by and I, like all to many, have ended up doing all sorts of jobs to pay the bills.  My current job has me working in the field of excess and surplus lines insurance.  Prior to that, I was a teacher; a medical transcriber, a court reporter's transcriber, an interpreter, a bookkeeper, a retail store manager.....and then always on the side I've done my art, jewelry and crafts.

This is the frustrating thing.  Art is my passion.  Helping people is my passion.  But there are bills to be paid as well as a mortgage.  As grateful as I am for my job, I always feel like I don't belong.  My work environment is very nice, and I work for and with very nice people.  But it's not me.  So one day last year, during a particularly stressful lunch hour, I stopped for a moment, closed my eyes and said a prayer that went something like this:



I light a candle



"God, I'm thankful for the ability to work...and for my job.  But I'm feeling so down.  You know that I love to be creative.  Please help me to find a way...a creative outlet ...where I can do my art and bring Glory to You through it."

That was pretty much it.  I went back work, and few weeks went by.  And then one day I received an email.  It was from the head of the Department of Religous Education at the Eastern Diocese.  They were wondering if I was the same person they had met 15 or so years earlier who did illustrations.  I flashed back years prior when I had gone to a Sunday School conference.  At the time I was teaching Sunday School, and our guest speakers were going to be two women from the Eastern Diocese who were going to talk about the new curriculum that our diocese was also using.  I remember taking my portfolio with me back then in the hopes that they might have work for me.  I met with Elise and Nancy, and showed them my illustrations.  They loved them, but "Unfortunately, we just redid all our books."  But they kept my samples.



I kneel



Flash forward and there I was reading the email.  Elise said she had tried to find me, but didn't know how.  (I had remarried with a name change, changed my address, phone, etc.)  But just by chance, there was a Californian who was working in her office, and she recognized my past-married name on the sample and said, "I think I'm friends with her son on Facebook."  She emailed my son and got my email address...and the rest is history.  The illustration job is for a toddler's book -- one that will be kept in the pews of the various churches for children to read during church.  They show panels of a child's view of Armenian Orthodox church. 

Could my prayer have been answered in any better way?



I pray



I started the illustrations last year.  And then, over the course of the year with all my health issues (gallbloadder surgery, colon cancer, breast cancer..etc.) I had to take a break.  Just a month ago, we revisited the project and decided that the "end of October" would be a good deadline for Christmas publication.  And so the clock is ticking.  It's actually good timing as I'll be having the second part of my reconstruction surgery on November 1. 

I often think of this course of events....my prayer, the way I was found, the fact that my illustration samples were even kept all those years.  I don't believe in coincidence.  I believe in prayer.  I believe in sincere requests.  And I believe that all things will happen not in our time but in God's.

Here is a look at my illustrations so far.  There are 12 year...I have 3 to go:



I sing









I smell the incense

I recieve the Kiss of Peace

I receive a blessing

I give my gift

I receive Holy Communion

I kiss the Gospel

I make the sign of the cross



The Importance of Community in the Process of Healing

Yesterday was my first Sunday back at church.  Since my mastectomy four weeks ago, I've not been physically able to attend.  I am blessed to have a very wonderful church family.  We truly are like a family; and when I got diagnosed and went public with my cancer, they were there, praying for me.

I was excited and a bit scared about returning.  The scariness lay in the fact that we all missed one another, and that would warrant hugs, and hugs might be a bit painful yet.  So I had it in my head that I was going to approach with the left shoulder leading, hug with the left.  : )  It's always good to be prepared with a strategy.

It was great to be back.  I had a two-fold reason for wanting to go back this Sunday.  1.  I wanted to give thanks to God for the blessings of health; my surgery going well; the road to recovery being "so far so good."  2.  It was my nephew/Godson's last Sunday at church before his move to AZ to pursue his Masters in architecture.  So...I got ready. 

Getting ready I realized, once again, that I am down on myself.  My midsection is still swollen and I feel puffy.  I haven't been able to bend much, and the walking has been good one day, pay back the next.  My weight has been up since the surgery, and though my daughter and sister tell me that it's early yet, that it's only been a short time since the surgery, I want it all to be "normal" again.  I'm impatient with myself.  So there I am, beating myself up....and we go to church.

We pull up, and Sonig is outside.  She saw me get out of the car and came running up with open arms to softly hug me.  I walk into church, and my "me" disappears, and it's just so great to be back.  It's like a family reunion.  As I'm walking to my seat, I see smiles from friends.  It was great to be back in choir.  It was great to smell the familiar sweet incense; to see my family serving on the altar, and to worship with my church community.  When we gave the kiss of peace, it was so neat to hug my sister Susan, my friends Anoush and Lusine and great them with the message that Christ is revealed among us! 

After church, we had a small send off for my nephew who has been our church organist for the past three years.  That was bittersweet.  I'm excited for him because I know he will excel in his studies.  He's brilliant.  And I'm sad because we'll all miss him, his smile, his music, his creativity. 

Hugs were met with my "soft hugs" admonishment, and all went "pretty well."  : )  My homeless outreach partner in crime, Suzie, told me at least three times that she was so happy to see me, and  I just felt really blessed.  One of my friends came up after church and said, "I was praying for you and then I opened my eyes and you were here."  Reggie came up and told me she started crying when she saw me walk in because she had thought of me and prayed to see me.  Koko, my friend from our homeless outreach said, "I was starting my prayers praying for you....and then I was ending my prayers praying for you....and lately have I started and ended my prayers praying for you."

It's hard to convey how much this all means to me.  I know that I am where I am today....a survivor...because of God's grace, because of these very special prayers from my family/friends, and because of the belief (theirs and mine) that these prayers will be answered.  And they were.

To all of you out there who are praying for me...I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.  I truly believe that I could not have done this without your support, your love, and your prayers.  I love you all!