The Journey Continues ...

Not I, nor anyone else can travel that  road for you.
You must travel it by yourself.
It is not far.  It is within reach.
Perhaps you have been on it since you were born, and did not know.
Perhaps it is everywhere - on water and land."
- Walk Whitman, Leaves of Grass

Prior to lent, I started my year off with the “One Little Word” project.  I blogged about it…my word for the year being Balance.  But then early on in my Lenten journey, I decided that Balance just wasn’t going to work for someone like me that does so much teetering.  Lent gave me that focus to really hone in on me, my life, what needed tweaking now, and what needs sorting through later.  Balance had to take a back burner to PEACE.  And so a few weeks ago, I declared my new word for the year.  PEACE.  And my Lenten journey is helping me to achieve it.

One of the things I worked on(and am still working on), is keeping a check on negativity.  I don’t think of myself as being a negative person at all.  But there are things in my life that I would like to change, and sometimes these things are not entirely in my control.  Or maybe they are but they require patience (also not one of my strong suits).  This leads to a degree of negativity that tends to cloud over my days sometimes.  So I’ve really been trying to make that a focus, an awareness, on my journey.  So here's an example of how the scenario goes: I’m at work, feeling like a square peg in a round hole, and I start getting all dark inside, and that leads to a mental funk.  A few minutes later, I’m assessing the situation and stopping myself from going there (okay, I'm there, but stopping myself from going deeper in).  And I’ve been turning it around and trying to focus on the positive:  I am alive; We are able to pay the bills, We ate today… I am warm today. You get the idea.  And it has really helped me to work on the “peace” issue.  The problems might still be there…and it’s not that they’re not going to get a serious looking at, but being negative in light of so much positive is just not productive.

And the second thing that I worked on was gossip – especially being on the receiving end.  This one was difficult and I’ll tell you why.  Like vegetarianism, when you don’t partake in it, the person that you’re not partaking with feels that you are judging them.  And that’s totally not the case.  I have had to stop friends and say, “if it’s bad, please don’t share that with me…I’m working on it for lent.”  I didn’t say what “it” was.  Or in the event that we were in a group, and there was conversation going on, I had to stop myself from commenting…which again is viewed as you being aloof or not wanting to participate.  BUT, I have to say that the feeling afterward is one of exhilaration. I remembered back a few years ago when I was much heavier than I am today.  Because I wasn’t happy with myself back then, I was hyper critical of others.  Whereas now, the focus is more on self-improvement. The no gossip has also gone hand in hand with the no negativity thing.  Gossip is negative.  No room for it.  And both of those have made me much more peaceful inside.

My lenten journey has helped me keep my focus on things.  There is a LOT of room for improvement in my life.  I do still need to re-visit balance and patience, but I have a feeling that they will eventually come.  Even though lent is almost over, the journey is really just beginning.  Now it’s time to take what I’ve learned about myself, and move it forward. Of course, none of these are possible without prayer – a dialogue between myself and God which helps me focus and feel like I’m on the right track.  

This Sunday being Palm Sunday, I’m looking forward to taking communion again.  It’s been six weeks.  There’s a lot to atone for, and a lot to be thankful for. I hope your Lenten journeys have been fulfilling as well.  May God give us the strength to grow from what we have learned over this period of introspection, and to carry it forward in our lives.
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You can hear this podcast read on epostle's weekly podcast, The Next Step with Fr. Vazken.  Click here to tune in.

Are you trying to get healthy?  Lose some weight?  Join me on "The Journey of the Pudgy Pomegranate" at www.pudgypomegranate.blogspot.com  

March: What Happened to My One Little Word?

Here we are at March already.  And I was looking back at the past two months in relation to my "One Little Word" that I chose - BALANCE.  This is the word that I'm supposed to be striving for this year..the word that is supposed to be my focus.  So here I am with two months under my belt and 10 to go for the year, and I'm thinking - Phhhhtt!!  I'm not balanced.  I'm not anywhere near balanced!  My life is too hectic to be balanced.  So by choosing this word, did I just end up setting myself up for failure?  And the answer is YES!     Not that anyone but me is judging my progress, but I'm finding it to be just one more pressure on myself.  Truly, juggling a day job, my prayer life, family, transitioning my mama to live with us, making jewelry, blogging, etc. Life is imbalanced, and seriously, I don't see balance in the near future.  There are never enough hours to the day, never enough hours to catch up on sleep (I average 4-5 hours a night) And so why not change the word?  Okay, I will!

So I am hereby declaring my word of the year to be ::::drumroll::::  PEACE!  So, you may ask, "Is there Peace in chaos?"  Yes!  There is!  As hectic as my life is, I am at peace.  Is there room for improvement? or did I just pick something easy?  Well, yes, there is major room for improvement, and this is why I chose this word.  As you know, we're in the period of lent.  And one of my challenges is to give up gossip (even being party to the listening of gossip - which is the hard one).  By eliminating this one thing, I have found in the past three weeks, that it is helping in the area of peaceful living....and this is going to continue with me after Easter as well.  Another thing that I'm focusing on is the negativity factor.  People that know me don't think this is an issue.  I am generally very positive when it comes to anything other than my own issues.  But inside myself I do have that little voice that always feels that I'm falling short - I didn't promote my business enough; I'm still at my day job; I am not helping enough people; my house is a mess, I didn't exercise...I didn't; I couldn't...etc.

I also realized that I started focusing on the word Peace back in September of last year when during my morning prayer I received a message regarding peace, and I am acting on it (but I'll write a little more about my progress with that prayer in the near future...because I am actively working on it but I don't want to come off as being preachy.) Click here if you'd like to read that blog post:  Pray for Peace. Believe Peace.  Live Peace. 

So I'm working on the negative.  And I'm trying to find my own inner peace.  That comes through prayer, conscious effort and acceptance.  Accepting the fact that I'm not perfect and that it's okay to ask for help when I need it.  It also comes from being okay with where you are in life at the moment - not looking to keep up with everyone else; not being concerned about possessions, and "Living Simply so that others can Simply Live."

So there you have it!  My new 2013 - One Little Word is "PEACE!"  I think it's a better fit for me, and something that I am truly passionate about.

What's My One Little Word?

Have you heard of the One Little Word phenomenon?  My daughter Ani first introduced me to the concept about a month ago.  An avid blogger, Ani read the blog of Ali Edwards who started the idea of choosing One Little Word to be "your word" for the year.  A word that you can focus on in your day-to-day; something to help you in your self-reflection/self-improvement.   Interesting idea, right?  I started thinking about what word I would choose.  And then with Christmas, and the birth of our grand daughter,  I forgot about it. And then in Chicago, of all places, my step-daughter's best friend and I were talking when she asked, "Do you read Ali Edwards' blog?  Have you heard about One Little Word?"  Since returning home, I have been giving some serious thought to what my word might be.

Some of my close contenders were the words believe, hope, and love.  But after thinking about my New Year's goals, I found the right word for me.  BALANCE.

I'm a busy person by nature.  My life is full, and I tend to throw myself into all kinds of projects.  I'm active in my church, our homeless outreach, being a mom (and now a new grandmom).  I'm trying to build my jewelry business and my artwork. 

I LOVE the fullness of my life; BUT more often than not, my life tends to get out of control.  I get too busy, too tired, too indulgent, too intense.  And it ends up lacking balance. 

In order for me to reach my goals for this year, my life will need focus on this important word. 
I am hoping that by owning this word and making it mine, I will be able to be healthier, and therefore happier.

Balance will help me to not be excessive (whether it comes to food choices, getting enough rest, over-committing myself, taking care of myself).  I am trying to balance vegetarianism and weight loss; exercise and rest; committing myself to causes that are important to my heart and yet getting enough rest so I don't burn out.  Balance.

So that's the word.  I'm going to try to check in once a month on this blog and let you all know whether my balancing act is working or not.  : ) 

What's your word?  I'd love to hear from you.  Let me know what it is and why you chose it.  If you'd like to learn more about the One Little Word, here is the link to Ali's blog.  And here's the link to Ani's blog: "Love Well Crafted" where you can read about her word, and also about her 52 soups project.