Thoughts on the Old Year...and the New (Audio)

ITP #25: It's been two weeks! Have you missed your visit Inside the Pomegranate? On this special catch-up podcast, Anush shares the work that's been keeping her busy and the thoughts that are bouncing around inside the pomegranate as she prepares for the New Year. What's going to be your One Little Word for 2014? It's all Inside the Pomegranate!
Towns Burr Gallery: www.townsburrgallery.com
Ali Edwards (One Little Word) www.aliedwards.com
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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Thoughts on the Old Year...and the New

Hey there, did you miss me???

I haven't posted for two weeks, and it feels really good to be back!  I missed you.  Really I did!   I never meant to be away for so long, the days just flew by.  I hope you all had a beautiful and meaningful Christmas and that the message of the birth of Love is still being celebrated every day. 

I'll let you know a little bit about what's been keeping me so busy throughout this whole Christmas season. We had our homeless outreach in Glendale. If you remember, the last time I posted, I told you we were taking the kids with us to crew this month.   Cooking dinner at the shelter has gotten to be a popular outreach and I always have volunteers to crew, but this month Fr. Vazken selected 6 of our kids, ages 14-20 to come help.  We served comfort food.  Homemade macaroni and cheese, baked ham, salad and fresh baked chocolate chip cookies fresh out of the oven.  I was so proud of our kids.  They helped set up and serve, made salad and baked cookies.  But most importantly, they got to see that the residents at the shelter, especially the children that live there, are no different than they are.  The chocolate chip cookies were a hit.  And our kids had a great time serving

platefuls of warm cookies to the tables.  One family that lives at the shelter was especially grateful for the second plateful....and the third.  After we were finished and cleaned up, I asked Edward (the resident manager) if he would take the kids on a tour showing them where the residents slept and what their home at the shelter was like.  I think the kids were very moved by it all, and especially noticed the meaning of "family"...that it isn't necessarily the conventional biological family but the people that are gathered together under one roof....sharing life together.  The residents have become each other's family. And when we are there together once a month, they  become our family as well.  Edward shared with me that when our "In His Shoes" name appears as guest chef for the evening on the board, the residents know that the evening will be a good one.  He said they are grateful for whatever we serve for dinner, but they know that no matter what is served for dinner when we're there,  it is always served with LOVE.  He said that they can  all feel that.  I thought that was really beautiful.  And he's right.  We do put a lot of love into our efforts, and that is put there by God and our desire to spread His light and love to those around us. 

We also had a special Skid Row delivery the following Monday.  One of my dear friends, Sedma, who is a regular crew member for our outreach approached me.  An anonymous donor had told her they would like to donate 150 cheeseburgers to be distributed on Skid Row  Sedma asked if we could help with that.  The plan was that we meet at church at 7:00 pm.  She would pick up the warm burgers at McDonalds and bring water and chips...and we would meet up and drive down to distribute.  Well, goodness is contagious.  I had mentioned to my boss on our morning coffee walk that we had this burger delivery to Skid Row.  And she was moved and made a donation - in lieu of client gifts - to our outreach as well.  She purchased socks and fleece blankets for us to distribute.  So we did a special delivery last monday  night ...a little different than our usual hot soup and snacks.  And the people were so grateful.  There were many out on the streets that night. Just to put things in perspective.  We distributed 150 meals, over 3 locations in less than one hour.  : (  

Here's my blanket for our blanket drive

Let's see...I also had a blanket to finish up for the blanket drive.  And I did finish it.  There was a lot of bus crocheting and late night crocheting too.  But I'm glad we made it on time.  Our church distributed beautiful hand knit/crocheted and sewn blankets to the patients at City of Hope.  This an annual blanket project that we've been doing and I love that our church becomes this busy beehive of activity for Christmas.

We had our Holiday Jammin' Boutique. I'd like to give a  shout out to all of you who came out to hear the amazing gypsy jazz band - Private Cat Radio -  and to support our ministry.  It was a really fun event.  Everyone who came had a great time.  Special thanks to Bruce and Connie at the Towns Burr Gallery who opened their gallery to our event.  If you would, please show your support by "like"'ing them on their FB page or better yet by visiting their gallery or webpage.  They've got some beautiful artwork and gifts.  

I know there's something I'm forgetting here.  I mean other than the Christmas shopping and cooking.  Wait....Oh right....so this year our family decided to sponsor a family for Christmas.  We all had a great time shopping for the children in the family and trying to fulfill their wish lists.  The best part was getting to meet them when we delviered the gifts.  Their case worker arranged a meeting.  This young family had lost had been evicted from their apartment when the youngest girl was a newborn, only a week old. After 10 years of living in the same apartment, they were short on the rent by $100 and got thrown out.  Eventually they were able to get into another apartment only to have a fire destroy everything they owned.  Despite the hardships, you would never know their story of you looked at these children in the family. They were all smiles and anticipation for a joyous Christmas.  And seeing their beautiful smiles was the best gift of all...for all of us.

This reminds me of something I wanted to touch on this week.  As you know, I am the coordinator for our In His Shoes Homeless  outreach.  I like to report on it because I feel that it adds a little bit of an  inside look into what this vulnerable population is about.  Also, our outreach is supported by donations by kind donors such as yourselves.  When reporting about it, whether it's here or on facebook, it's a way for people to hear about our work and support it if they are so inclined.   So I wanted to write that any praise that is directed toward the work that we do, goes to God, whose work we are doing.  As Christians, it is our duty to love one another...and to care for one another.  Before our outreach we always do pray that God allows us to share His love and light with those on the street.  And it is only through His guidance and love that this ministry happens.  What I'm getting at is that it's not any ONE person.  You know?  It's all of us, working together, and your prayers and support in action that make it all happen.  So thank you to all of you who support us, pray for us, collect clothing, and donate to our ministry.  Because you allow us to spread God's love.  Thank you from all of us on the homeless outreach crew!

And so on to the New Year!  Tomorrow is New Year's Eve!  Are you doing anything special to ring in the new year?  What about new year's resolutions.  Are you making any?  Do you have hope that you'll be able to follow through with it?  or will they be said and done by the following week?  How did you do on this year's resolutions?  Hmmm, that's what I thought.

Well, I used to start off the new year with all kinds of resolutions.  Namely involving diet and exercise.  I mean who doesn't right?  But for the past several years I've just tried to make it more about being honest with myself.  I try.  It's not always easy.  By being honest....and then saying that I've failed to be honest, it's not like saying I'm lying to myself.  Well, if you look at it that way, it sort of is.  Here's an example.  I resolve to be honest, yes?  Okay.  And in that resolution, there's this desire to exercise.  You're with me, right?  The bottom line is...if I exercise, I will feel and look healthier, I will lose weight.  I sincerely want that.  But then when I make up excuses as to why I can't exercise, am I being honest with myself?  Do I really want the end outcome of the exercise bad enough?  So I think what I need to do personally, is to set some REALISTIC goals and make all my actions count toward the realization of those goals. Here's the inner dialogue:

Me:  "I would like to be healthier by making better choices today and in the New Year.  By doing so  I would like to see a healthier me".

Devil self:  "How about warming up a piece of that cream filled khadayif that you made for Christmas...with a nice hot cup of coffee?"

Me:  "Would eating that khadayif right now help me achieve my "healthier me" goal?  What?  No?  Then I think I'll pass.

Bravo!!! Can I hear wild applause for my tremendous willpower???
  

Do you really think it will happen that way?  I hope so, but the reality is that there will be days, and there will be days.  Right?  The reality is that the one piece of khadayif is sitting there calling me and saying, "come on...I'm here all alone...and if you eat me now...I'll be gone, thus removing the temptation...so go ahead, live a little."  Sound familiar?   The truth is that we can only do the best that we can do.  As long as we are being honest with ourselves that the BEST is truly the best that we can give.

Last year, I tried something that I had read on my daughter Ani's blog.  She had gotten it from another blogger.  It was called "One Little word"  and what you were supposed to do - the challenge - was to choose a single word that was going to be your word to work on for the year.  So my word last January was "Balance".  I was going to try to be more balanced in my life.  I don't get very much sleep (which is not good), so one of the things that I was thinking about balancing was my work life, my leisure time, my sleep time, my eating...you get the idea.  Balance.  Did I have a balanced year, you ask?  Well, uh, no.  In fact, I think it was sometime in March, just a month or so after "Balance" that I changed my word.   And that was because trying to balance made me realize how unbalanced my life was, and it was creating more stress for me and therefore causing more unbalancedness.  Does that make sense? The truth is that I don't sleep enough...and I do take on too many tasks.  But that's how it has always been with me.  I mean, would I be writing this at 12:53 a.m. if I was balanced?  Nooooo!

So my One Little Word changed in March to....ready?  :::drumroll::::  PEACE!  Tada!!!  And that word worked better for me.  I DID have a year filled with peace.  And though it wasn't all like that, I did find myself reigning myself in sometimes.  Most noticeably, I have changed my attitude about my work that I do for a living.  Whereas in the beginning of the year, I was in a constant battle with myself about my job, today, I am realizing that my job affords my healthcare coverage, the ability to keep a roof over our heads and to live a more peace-conscious life.  I also experienced a lot of peace in my prayer life this year. 

2013 was also my first full year of being a vegetarian (started in November of 2012).  And that helped to contribute to my more peaceful year as well.  So peace I can do.  Balance...not so much.  And maybe that's a challenge I'm going to have to take on another time.  

And so speaking of challenges, I thought I would challenge you.  I know you already have your own thing about what you're doing for the new year, but maybe think about this.  What is your one little word going to be for the new year? It can be anything:

Balance

peace

pray

believe

hope

ask

love

care

change

imagine

volunteer

pursue

dream

laugh

enjoy

assert

No!

Yes!

So, what's it going to be?  Only you know the answer to that, but I would love it if you would share.  And please do it on the blog on not on Facebook to keep things all in one place! Let me know what your one little word will be.  And I will share mine with you, next week.

So that about wraps it up this for this week - and this year!!!  It's been a wonderful year.  I want to wish all of you a very happy and healthy new year filled with an abundance of God's blessings for you and your family.  Thank you for all your prayers and support throughout the year.

Wishing you all a very pomegranate YEAR AHEAD filled with hope and ripe with possibilities!!!

Why I Walk

Right around mile 36, coming into the home stretch!

This year marks my 10th year participating in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer - a challenging 39-mile, two-day walk that raises hope, awareness and funding for breast cancer.  It seems that every year I say I'm taking a break this year, and then somehow, I find myself signed up and training to walk.  This Saturday, May 11 is this year's Kick Off event for the walk, and I have been asked to speak to the group and share my story and Why I Walk.  I thought I would share it with you.  So here goes.

Would it make sense to you if you heard me say that my cancer diagnosis was a positive event in my life?  How can something so devastatingly scary be positive?  I think of it as positive because no other event (other than becoming a mom) has made me understand who I am, what I believe, and what it means to be a survivor.

When I was diagnosed at age 34,  cancer meant fear.  Fear of the future, fear of the unknown, fear for my children.  Growing up, in the 70's, you didn't hear of too many people who survived "cancer."  So when I was diagnosed, naturally I thought of the worst.  But thankfully, we caught it early.  I underwent surgery and daily radiation.  And I made it! I celebrated life and every year that went by. They told me that if I made it to my 5th year without recurrence, then I could consider myself "cured." And that 5th year was my goal.  That was back in 1998.  I heard about the first Avon Walk...it was a 3-day walk back then. 60 miles from Santa Barbara to Malibu.  And it coincided with my 5 year cancer anniversary.  I remember that first walk.  Everything seemed so special.  I walked on my own, but all along the way I met so many amazing people...some were survivors just like me.  We were all walking together, all of us with different stories, yet all of us touched by cancer.  I remember that last day, walking single file along PCH into Malibu.  One foot in front of the other.  Calling up every last bit of strength from inside me.  Thinking about my grandmothers (who were both genocide survivors and powerful women of faith)...and thinking, I am their granddaughter.  I can do this.  I am a survivor!  Just believe! And I thought of my fear of cancer, and I came to the realization that I had overcome that fear.  When I saw my children at the finish line cheering me on, with their smiles and flowers, something inside me changed.  I felt powerful!  I had survived!

Life went on the years went by.  I kept up with my check ups and my mammograms.  My children grew up.  And I kept walking.  When my daughter got old enough, she signed up to walk with me. And then 2011 came and hit me with a double whammy.  You know that colonoscopy you keep putting off?  Well, don't do that!   In February of 2011, I went for my first ever colonoscopy.  Routine.  No symptoms.  Nothing.  And then wham, I was diagnosed with colon cancer after the mass they found tested positive.  Thankfully, it too was caught early.  I underwent surgery.  And during my six week recovery, I went for my annual mammogram.  I remember the day after I returned to work I got a call.  They saw "something" in my mammogram and wanted me to come in for a biopsy.  I went in the very next day, and by the following day I received the call.  I had breast cancer again.  18 years later.   Because I had radiation the first time around that was no longer an option. I had to undergo a mastectomy and opted for reconstructive surgery at the same time.  So there was a lot of coordinating and scheduling going on...and at the same time, my daughter was getting ready to graduate nursing school. This time the feeling wasn't fear, but determination.  I was going to get through this...and I was determined to make it to graduation.   I think each and every one of my medical team and hospital staff knew about my daughter's graduation. I heard more than one scheduler or nurse say, "This mama's got to make it to her baby's graduation....we need to get her there!"   That became my goal.  To make it to her graduation.  And it happened.  I had my surgery and despite the bandages, the incisions and the drains,  and was well enough to make it to graduation and hear my baby girl deliver her commencement address!

That September, just 3 months after my surgery...my daughter and I walked in the Avon Walk Santa Barbara.  We held hands as we approached the finish line.  Our family was there (as they always have been) and then looking beyond, I saw so many of my friends!  15 of my friends had rented a van and surprised us.  They had come all the way from Glendale to Santa Barbara to support us as we crossed the finish line.  It was amazing. Not only that, but they had cooredinated this huge potluck ...and they all stayed for the closing ceremony.  By the end of the closing ceremony, my brother, sisters and 7 of my friend had signed up to walk in 2012 as Team In Her Shoes so inspired by the amazing stories they heard.  Our team grew to 18 walkers last year.  And between 18 of us, we raised $35,000!

When I think about why I walk, the reason is because I can't not walk.  I walk to thank those who walked before me.  I am alive because of breast cancer research.  I walk to raise funds so the research can continue, so that someday we won't have cancer.  I walk to remember those who are survivors of this disease, for those who are fighting cancer now, and in memory of those who have lost the battle  And I carry their names with me on my 39.3 mile journey.  And I also walk to offer hope and support to others just like those that walked with me those first years of my Avon walk experience.

Finally, I know I have changed a lot from 20 years ago and my first diagnosis.  Cancer doesn't mean fear to me anymore.  Cancer has become so much more -- but in a good way.  Cancer means hope for recovery.  Cancer means love and support from friends and family.  Cancer means beauty in seeing the most ordinary of life happening around you and appreciating it for what it is - beautiful and miraculous.  Cancer means faith, prayer, and believing in your wellness and knowing  that those prayers are being answered.  And cancer means action - being proactive and aggressive when it comes to our wellness.  We have the power to make amazing changes that are happening in our lifetime.  It all starts with the first step.  I am so  looking forward to taking that next step with all of you this September!

If you would like to donate to the Avon Walk and have us walk in memory or honor of your loved one, you can follow the link to donate.  Each walker has to raise a total of $1800.  I have met my goal, but I ask that you donate to Father Vazken's goal.  You can access his donation page at:  http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk/LosAngeles?px=2509651&pg=personal&fr_id=2240

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You can hear this post read on this week's podcast (May 9, 2013)  of The Next Step with Fr. Vazken on epostle.net

An Amazing Love - or - The Love Gene

I don't know how they do it.  Nurses.  I read a post on Facebook just yesterday and in a nutshell, it said this:  They don't have time to take care of their physical needs because they are taking care of ours.  They get yelled at because our medication is late, they are away from their families because they are there taking care of ours.  I know this all too well because in 2011, I was hospitalized three times over a six month period.  And while I was going through all that, my daughter Ani was a nursing student.  As a nurse's aide, I heard all about her day to day and so I tried, despite my pain, to be kind to my nurses.  When I was going through my bouts of cancer, my daughter was there by my side, not quite a nurse yet, but so loving and caring.  She would follow up with my appointments, question my doctors, sit beside me to offer support.  All good training for what was ahead.  That very year, I proudly watched her graduate nursing school just 6 weeks after my surgery,  and the following year I was there to celebrate the completion of her nursing residency.  And so why am I bringing this up now?  Old news, right?

Well, today is Valentine's day.  A day to appreciate those we love.  And I wanted to share this with you because it touched my heart.  This morning I got on the bus at 6:30 a.m.  In my mad rush to get out of the house on time, I grabbed my phone off the charger, threw it in my pocket and made it to the bus on time.  Looking down at my phone when I finally sat down, I saw a text message from my daughter:  "I just went to see my patient.  He's not looking too good.  Please keep him in your prayers."  My daughter and I are united in a lot of things, but one of the strongest of these is prayer.  So I prayed - on the 409 Commuter bus - for her patient.  That God give his body strength to receive the medications, treatments and care.  But also, that if that was not possible, that He not allow this child to suffer long.  I texted her back.  and looking at my phone I realized that her text had come to me at midnight.  6.5 hours earlier.  I wrote her...apologizing for the delay...asking how her patient was, hoping that he made it through.  But she responded that he had passed away during the night.  This patient had been in her life in and out of the course of a year.  Diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, he was in the hospital frequently.  I could "hear" it in her text message, and later in her voice when she drove home in the early morning.  Just as our nurses grow on us; so too do their patients grow on them.  They think of them; pray for them; and have hope for them.  And this loss affected my daughter.

I rode into downtown thinking about all of this.  How do nurses do it? Faced with life and death everyday?  I don't know if I'd be able to be so strong.  And it got me thinking of the difference between them and us.  I think that some people are blessed by God with the "love gene".  It's not a scientific thing...or maybe it is...but it's the love gene that makes a nurse able to comfort someone's sick child in the middle of the night.  It's the love gene in a nurse that restores a hospitalized teen's dignity when they need cleaning up;  It's the love gene that enables a young nurse to dry her tears at the loss of a patient, and in their grieving, turn around, put on a smile and help someone else that's in need.  The love gene is patient, kind and nurturing.  And it is filled with hope and compassion.

So on this Valentine's Day, I wanted to send a special love note out to all those amazing nurses!   Thank you for all you do.  From all of us: parents and patients.  Thank you for being patient and kind with us with us even though  sometimes we aren't patient and kind with you.  Thank you for hurting when we hurt.  And for your amazing love.  You are a blessing in our world.  Oh, and a special note to my daughter...I love you,  Ani.  You are my hero!

The Nest: Half Empty or Half Full?

This past year has flown by. I honestly don't know what happened to it, but here we are almost to the end of the year and it's a time for reflection. This year was a milestone year in our family. Our daughter got married. Of course I'm thrilled. But I have to say that no one ever trains us moms for the "empty nest". Sure, everyone talks asks, "how're you doing with the empty nest?", or you hear about empty nesters, but until you've gone through it, you don't know what it's about.
 
My daughter and I are very close. I was a single mom for many years, so it compounded that closeness. We have gone through everything together. School, cancer, mother/daughter camping trips, you name it. So as her wedding day approached, I know we both started anticipating the big changes that were going to be coming up. It says in the Bible - regarding marriage --that a man shall leave his mother; and a woman shall leave her home. We all know this, right? In prep for "leaving home", the week before her wedding, I took off from work. I wouldn't trade that week for anything. It was our time together. We moved her things to her new home (all except the essentials til the wedding day), we got her unpacked and situated, set up her kitchen, and spent mom/daughter time together. And one of the days we just had a good old cry! We knew the wedding was just days away. We knew she was marrying her true love, we knew it was the right thing, at the right time, but all of a sudden, we were hysterical. And it wasn't panic, or nerves about the wedding. It was just about change. About life. About growing up. But that cry did us both a lot of good, and it seemed that it was what we needed. Yes, things would be different. But the love between us would be the same. We wouldn't be living together, but hey, there was always unlimited texting. : )

So the wedding day came, and it was like a dream. She was beautiful in her wedding gown, and my son in law was dashing in his tuxe. The wedding ceremony was beautiful, and meaningful, and blessed; the reception was fun. Everything went off without a hitch, and off they went on their honeymoon. And then we get to the empty nest. I tried very hard to back off a bit. I wanted her to adjust to her new life. And have fun on her honeymoon so I was good. I didn't call or text. The hardest thing was not hearing from her daily. I'd wonder where they were, what they were doing. And then they came home from the honeymoon, and it was even harder. At least while they were away, she had reason why we couldn't see each other. But back in town ....I know, I know, it sounds silly. But you have your child with you for 25 years, and then in one day, she's out of the house, all grown up, and a wife!

Those three weeks after the wedding were the hardest. The nest was empty. And then Sunday came and she said they were coming to church and then coming over afterward. At church that Sunday, my daughter and son in law received and distributed the Kiss of Peace. Der Hayr announced them as the newest family of our church. And I felt so happy to see them there, together, participating, worshipping. After church they came over for lunch. And I saw how happy they were together. Not cheesy happy, but just "at ease" and natural happy. And I realized something: That my daughter is right where she is supposed to be. It was her time to get married. And God blessed her with a wonderful husband who loves and cares for her. And the nest is not really half empty, but half full!

Today is Thanksgiving. We just came home from my daughter and son-in-law's home. It was their first Thanksgiving, and they invited us over. It was a blessed day. There they were, working together to make the meal..making new traditions. My daughter is a nurse and works nights. She had just come home in the morning to start cooking. He had made the turkey and gravy, and they were working together to make everything perfect. The table was set, the Thanksgiving prayer was said. I looked around and saw my grown up daughter (who will always be my baby) and her husband, and then I saw the bigger picture as well. There I was, surrounded by family...our new inlaws (my khunamies), and the grandmas, my son, my husband.  Family.

Our family had grown and was full and alive. I am truly blessed. I will always be a mom. The bond that I share with my daughter will always be. And now I get to share with my new son. I am thankful for my beautiful family, the love that we share, and my nest, which is not only "half full", but truly full, and over flowing with love!