A Health Update

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to loop you all in since I've been public about my breast cancer so far.  The second part of my reconstruction is scheduled for 11/1/11 (great number line up, no?)...would be pretty cool if surgery was at 11:11, but not so...but maybe 1:00 p.m?

So the appointments are going to start up again, for blood work up, EKG, history and physical, surgical consult.  Ooooofffffff!!! Too many appointments.

This surgery will be outpatient at the office of my plastic surgeon, Dr. Saul Berger.  I'll go in on a Tuesday, and be off the rest of the week.  I am hopeful that this will be my last surgery for the year!

One of my favorite passages from the bible, Psalm 23, says, "Yea, though I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for Thou art with me....."

It doesn't say, "though I walk around it...." or "though I skip it altogether..."  but we walk through it.  Together. 

From one apex to the other is always a valley. 
Sometimes you have to go through things and not around them. 
Something to think about.

A Song, a Dance, and a Blessing

This past Monday evening was our monthly homeless outreach to the Skid Row area of downtown Los Angeles.  I think we're in our fourth year of the project now: feeding and clothing our friends that are down on their luck.  Over the course of the past year, we've noticed more and more people living on the streets.

Each of us that attends has our own stories to tell of our experiences.  Since we are spread out between the three cars that we take, we each hear the stories of those that wish to tell it; that is, if we wish to listen. 

"We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon." Konrad Adenauer

On a dark street, we were passing out soup.  We had a lot of clothing this time thankfully, so we were able to provide warmth right before the cold weather.  It's raining today, and I'm thinking of our friends out on the street.  I hope they are staying dry.  As I was handing out water and snacks, this very nice looking older gentleman came up to me.  I asked him if he could use some snacks, maybe some soup, dry, for the next day.  He was appreciative, taking the soup and snacks in a bag for later.  He gave me a sweet smile and said, "I am an artist.  You should check out my YouTube video.  Singing.  That's the talent that God has given me."  I was interested and asked his name.  "My name is Octive Fellow Soul."  He spelled Octive for me.  : )   He told me he was homeless and trying to get discovered.  He told me to check it out again.  "My name is Octive, I'm a fellow, and I have soul!"  And he turned a corner and was gone.  So I came home and checked it out, and to my surprise, there were several videos of this Octive.  All taken by people who he had come across in the street, from L.A. to New York.  All taken by people whose lives he had touched to the point that, like me, they wanted to put it up on the web and share it with others.  Watching this video brings me joy.  Here is a man who is given a talent and despite the bad breaks in life, despite the fact that he has no home, he is staying positive doing what he loves best.  Singing, entertaining.  So here is my friend Octive (as seen on YouTube) singing Goody Goody. 

The evening wore on.  People were truly grateful for us being there.  At one stop, Suzie helped a woman who was challenged trying to keep herself clean while living on the street.  She was self-conscious and concerned about her hygiene.  I imagined the difficulty of that -  going from having a bathroom and a shower in my home, to living on the street where the only place you could go to bathe would be the local shelter. 

Our final site was the most crowded.  Imagine pulling up to a street where people are living on the sidewalk, some in tents, others in boxes, still others on just the concrete itself.  There are people that know the ropes, and there are those that are learning.  As soon as we pull up, the people come up to the cars.  We yell out, "HOT SOUP!  WATER!", the tailgate opens, the thermoses come out, and people line up.  I end up handing out snacks and water to those that are waiting, while the others serve the soup, or fit people with clothing and shoes, blankets, etc.

I noticed this one man sitting on the sidewalk.  He was wearing some shorts and a tshirt.  He had no shoes.  He was barefoot, but was airing out his socks.  He sat there staring into space.  When I approached him with some hot soup and water, he seemed confused.  He didn't speak English and tried to tell me something in what sounded like Korean.  I didn't understand but motioned to the clothing car where he could get clothing.  He brightened up as if he remembered something he could say to me in English..."Ayana kissue"   He was smiling!  I want to kiss you?  Is this what he was saying?   He was smiling and started following me to the car.  Okay Awkward...I jokingly turned to him and said,   "Uh, no thanks!"   He sat back down to his soup.  A few minutes went by and I went to get him a pair of socks.   I put it down next to him.  The light went on.  He nodded.

Over the next 15 -20 minutes, we tended to many many people.  The clothing car was super busy as people were in need of warmer clothing now.   By the time were were about to leave that site, I looked at my friend on the sidewalk.  Was it the same man?  There he was....Dancing!  He was so happy!  He had received a pair of jeans, socks, a pair of nice black shoes, and a new shirt.  Not able to contain his happiness, he was dancing in place, showing us his new outfit. 

"We are not human beings on a spiritual journey. We are spiritual beings on a human journey." Pierre Chardin

There are many stories like this.  So many lives that are in need.  And so many that just need a connection.  Someone to talk to.  Someone to share their talents with.  Someone who will listen.  We've been doing this for years now and it never gets old.   The need is so great, and not only for the homeless but for us who need to be there because it helps us to walk in their shoes.  We don't approach our homeless brothers and sisters out of pity, but as a sense of family and of community.  We are all related in this family called humankind. 

"Our humanity is a poor thing, except for the divinity that stirs within us." Francis Bacon

In the Presence of Love

I have been thinking a lot about being present lately.  This is what I think about throughout the day...while driving especially:  If we believe that God is omnipotent (which I do), and omniscient - possessiving unlimited and infinite knowledge, then we can conclude that God is present right now.  Like, right this moment.  And it's not just a one-way street.  If God is present right now...then WE are also in God's presence.  All the time.  So am I doing my best to be present in front of God?  I think about my days:  home, work, errands, home, dinner, dishes, running here and there.  How present can I be when I'm so harried and rushed.  I need to take time to deliberately s-l-o-w  d-o-w-n....and be present.

And then, if we believe that God is Love (which I do).  Then Love is omnipotent and omniscient.  Love conquers all.  This explains "Good will always prevail over evil".  Because if God is Love; Love is omnipotent and infinite.  Therefore, good will always prevail because evil is finite.  Am I doing my best to convey God's love to others - always?  Am I present in Love? 

This is something that I'll continue to work on.  Conveying love through action.

"Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words." St. Francis of Assisi

Photos from Avon Walk Santa Barbara 2011



Opening Ceremony - 6:00 a.m.  We're ready!



 Here are photos of our amazing weekend at the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer 2011.  We walked 39.3 miles in two days.  The photos are out of order, but I put captions. You'll get an idea of what it's like from them.

Basically, it's set up so that Friday evening, you check in at Event Eve.  Turn in any last checks you may have received, take photos, get pumped up.

Day 1:  Opening Ceremony - Walk 26 miles (full marathon) and spend the evening in the Wellness Village

Day 2:  Walk 13 miles (half marathon).  Closing Ceremony.

In between you make a lot of memories, feel the hope and love of those around you, and feel that you really can make a difference.  Enjoy!



Getting started at 7:00 a.m.  We were a sea of pink as far as the eye could see!



Lunch stop at mile 10.6.  Sandwiches and a chance to sit!

Last year's cheerleaders returned.  Their wives were walking again this year!

Ani at event eve, writing out her sign.  I'm so blessed!



Our packs with the names we carry with us.

I'm a little slower in the morning than Ani.  She's telling me to hurry and pack it up.  We need to hit day two at 7:30 a.m.!





Event Eve photo....at check in





Tent City.  New pink tents.  This is where we sleep



Day 2 lunchtime.  Assessing our wounds.







Killer blister. 





Amazing celebration potluck picnic from my family and friends!



At closing ceremony with the other survivors!

Ani, comfy in her coccoon - Morning two

A hug from my baby sister!! 



Still smiling at mile 39.3!!! At the finish line





The Walk of Hope

We walked this weekend.  And walked, and walked and walked some more.  Went to bed  in our sleeping bags stiff and sore, and got up and walked again...until we walked a total of 39.3 miles! We walked because we couldn't not walk.  We walked for those who couldn't walk.  We walked for those who are battling cancer now, those who are survivors.  And we walked in memory of those who have lost the battle.  We walked for the poor...those who can't afford health care and mammograms. And together, we raised $4.6 million.

It was emotional.  And empowering.  Just 4 months ago, I was diagnosed for a second time, with breast cancer.  18 years ago, when I received the first diagnosis, I thought someone had pulled the rug out from under me.  I was 34, a mother of two. This time around, I knew I would make it.  Sure, there's the initial fear, but I am so much stronger now.   Back then, life was so uncertain.  Now, I know that life IS uncertain and things can change from day to day.  Life is fragile.  But we deal with it.  There are no guarantees.  So we walk when we can.  We try to make the difference.  And we try to be the change that we want to see in the world.

This was a milestone year.  Colon cancer, breast cancer, Ani's graduation from nursing school.  We had to walk.  It was a celebration of life.  Of being alive, of being WELL.  Not only physically, but mentally.  We made it through.  All of us.  Together.  Holding each other up.  One day at a time.

The idea of the walk is to take your time.  To learn the stories of those around you.  To take it all in.  Every walker has their style.  Along the walk, you meet all kinds of walkers.  Those that like to cheer.  Those that need to talk every step of the way.  The singers.  Those that follow their group.  There are those that need to be noticed, with outrageous costumes, and crazy wigs.  And there are those that like to walk alone.  Meditative and quiet.  Ani and I are quiet walkers.  We talk a bit, when there's something to talk about.  We point out beauty around us - a pretty door, a beautiful flower, a perfect spider web.  But we are just content to walk side by side in quiet.  I love this.

We were a sea of pink.  Some 1,800 of us.  Mostly women, but men as well.  All walking to make a difference.   To fill a void, to remember a mom or a sister, a wife.  We walked near a man who was walking for his wife....she was a 10 year survivor.  She had walked as much as she could that day and took the shuttle back to the wellness village.  But he kept walking.  For her.  We walked with a woman named Phyllis for a while.  She told me she was walking, "slow and steady...at my own pace."  I didn't want to invade her space, but then she opened up.  "Y'know...in the South, during civil rights times, we would have to walk.  We didn't have cars...we'd walk everywhere.  It makes me remember."  The walking connects us.  We are all walking as one.  A pink sign reads, "None of us are as powerful as ALL of us."  We are powerful.  A sea of pink.

At the Finish Line - 39.3 miles

There are hours that go by.  That first day, we walked for 10 hours.    I prayed while I walked. I was thankful for the day, for being well enough. Thankful for my family, my support system.  Thankful for medical care.  And thankful for those who walked in my shoes before I ever got diagnosed all those years back.  For those that funded the research so that I can walk today.  Yes, it was hard.  After walking all those miles, you start to hurt.  You know you have blisters, but you also know that if you take off your shoes, you'll never get them back on.  So you walk through it.  And pray.   One foot in front of the other.  And you remember.  Like Phyllis, remembering the days of the past.    I remembered my grandparents who were marched through the desert during the genocide and I called on their strength.  I had a choice.  They didn't.  I could stop, but I didn't.  We choose to walk.  Because we can. Because we CAN'T  not walk.  It's the walk of Hope.

Walking against the Current

Since the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer is only three weeks away, our weekends are consumed with getting in long distance walks.  It's been in the triple digits here in Sunland/L.A. area, so this past Sunday we woke up at 6:00 to head out to Pasadena to walk the Rosebowl a few times. 

When we started walking, it was still early, and there weren't too many people out.  Still, it was Sunday, and despite the heat, and the chance to sleep in, there were people getting their morning exercise.  The beautiful thing was that there were all shapes, sizes, colors and ages of people there.  Walking, running, cycling, skating.  Some walking dogs, some walking each other. 
I'm a people watcher and I've noticed that there are some categories that most walkers fall into:1.  The physically fit:  these beautiful people are in the skimpiest of shorts, and exposed to the world.  They run like gazelles.  Tan bodies that don't giggle.  (I've never been one of this group...but if I were, I'd flaunt it too!)
2.  The ones that are trying to get into shape....(my category).  These people come in all kinds of shapes from super large, to extremely thin....and we're all out there trying to get healthy.  Ani and I, we just walk.  But there are those that wear sweatshirts, even garbage bags, trying to sweat "it" out...whatever it is.  There are chubby moms with chubby kids trying to get healthy together. 
3.  Young moms and dads with their strollers.  I saw a lot of really fit moms...and some not so fit, but with those fancy strollers.  Jogging with their babies. 
4.  The individualists:  This group sticks out, but they want to stick out.  We saw a woman with a Hendrix-size afro, snow boots, and leggings, plugged into her mp3, singing loudly to the world as she walked.  Then "the Mountain Man" with his massive whiskers and hiking boots; the flourescent-clad foreigner group...anyways, you get the picture.
and then there's my favorite group of all....
5.  The senior citizens.  I love seeing them out walking.  The women are so beautiful and so "no nonsense".  They are out there to walk...to visit with their friends while walking.  They have learned life's lessons and are up and moving.  They are such an inspiration to me.  The men are there too.  Walking either with the women, or with their friends.  Joking, getting their exercise.  There's this really cool guy too....he reminds me of an old bulldog looking drill sargeant.  He wears a flashing red light around his neck and a hat, and in the course of our walk, we pass him several times.  I asked him Sunday how many times around he goes around.  "FIVE times every day."  That's 15 miles a day.  What an inspiration!
Sadly, I compare this group of seniors to my own mom who doesn't walk because she believes she cannot.   It's just easier not to.  Her arthritis and severely swollen feet, make it difficult, BUT, she can, and should.  But chooses the easier path.  And sadly, the less she does, the less she will be able to do.  My orthopedist told me the same thing, "Use it or lose it" was the admonishment when it came to my arthritic knees.  So I walk....and  I remember the lyrics of Neil Young's song...to paraphrase, "It's better to burn out, than to rust."  I'd rather burn out trying, than to rust not trying my best.  And hopefully, one day, when I'm a granny, I'll still be out walking the bowl.

Okay, so all this being said I came to another observation.  The first lap around I saw a sign I had never seen before.  It was a graphic of a walker, with an arrow pointing in the direction that walkers are supposed to walk.  I had never seen it before.  And not surprising was the fact that we were walking in the opposite direction.  Grant it, we weren't the only ones walking our way...but I realized that if we were all walking in the same direction - following the directions -- we wouldn't see even half of the people that were out there on that beautiful morning.  We'd only be confined to walking with those that walked at our same pace or that passed us by (or that we passed).  Yet, walking against the current, you got to see almost everyone at some point or another as you passed them by.  I think my life is so much richer for going against the current.  Not just at the Rose Bowl, but in general.