In Control; Under Control; Out of Control; No Control (Audio)

ITP #26: Have you chosen your one word to work on this year? Or has that one word chosen you? On episode 26, Anush shares what she'll be working on for 2014...and a lifetime.
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In Control; Under Control; Out of Control; No Control

Our make-shift lantern:
votif candle and ball jar

Cristos Dzunav Yev Hydnetzav!  Tzezee/Mezee medz avedis!! It's super super early on January 6 morning, and I woke up early to be the first to wish you a very blessed Theophany and Christmas and to greet you with the good news that Christ is born and revealed!   It's early Monday morning and in just a little bit we'll  be heading off to church for Badarak and Water Blessing.  We were at church last night for Christmas Eve service and I don't know what it was, but there was a JOY there. We left there happy carrying our lit candles in jars and lanterns and carried the light of Christ  and that joy back to our homes..

No, I didn't mock up this pic.  This is really
a section of the bigger picture of
chaos on my work table

Last week I wrote about that One Little Word.  The word that is going to be the word to work on for the year.  Did you give it any thought?  Did you pick one to work on?  I thought about mine. There were all kinds of possibilities.  I was thinking of the word - ORGANIZE - because I am sorely in need of some organizing - let me tell you.  If you have ever seen my
work table at home where I do my beading...it's mass chaos..and it's ALWAYS like that.  I get so excited about working, that I don't put the beads away and move on to the next project,  and then I'm left with a massive "bead soup" not to mention the wires, pliers, tools...you get the idea.  But I didn't want to base the whole year on that...so I thought about other words.

Then I thought about the word - CREATE!  Now that's a really good one.  I love to create.  And I'm happiest when I'm creating.  Beading, cooking, drawing, crocheting, painting.  I thought if I chose the word Create that would keep that in the forefront.  But that almost seemed too easy since I've always got several projects in the works.

And so then, during my morning prayer, I found my word.  And it's a word that I don't normally use.  It's not even something I like to do, but I'm guessing that's why it came to me.  The word is SURRENDER.   SURRENDER.  It's a weird one, right?  Well, let me tell you how I got to it.

I have been doing a lot of introspection lately.  I think all of us do at the start of the new year.  We start thinking of our lives moving by, and although I don't really believe in setting those resolutions, I tend to always be working on improving.  Given my past medical history, I do feel that my health is something I need to manage, and so I work on a holistic approach for body, mind, and spirit.

Well, lately, I have been trying to figure things out  about myself and my need to control.  Yep, that's me.  Sometimes I can be a control freak!  It's not something obvious, like me exerting my will on others.  It's more subtle than that.  When I say control, it's more of the need for me have everything in place.  And then want everything to go just so.  And there's the accompanying stress that goes with it.  And the unraveling (of myself) when it doesn't happen the way I have planned.  Now this is really funny to me because I like to think that I'm a "go with the flow" type of person...but in thinking about it, sometimes - not all the time, mind you, but sometimes - I'm guilty of only going with the flow when the flow is flowing my way.  

So I've been thinking about that, and working on it.  I mean, I  pray "Thy will be done" but then turn around and push my agenda to "MY will be done."  And I don't think I'm alone on this one, right?  I mean, if I'm truly committed to putting God's will ahead of mine, then am I picking up on the clues that God gives me when things don't fall into place the way that I want them to?  Most of the time, I don't get that little signal - that subtle nudge - that maybe there's a reason why I won't get my way on things rather than pushing the envelope until I do.  And then other times, I TOTALLY get the subtle nudge and still, I do what I want!

So here's what dictionary.com defines the word as:

sur·ren·der

  [suh-ren-der]

verb (used with object)

1.

to yield (something) to the  power of another

2.

to give up, abandon, or relinquish (comfort, hope, etc.).

3.

to yield or resign (for example an office or position) in favor of another.

When we think of this word, we usually think of it as a weakness right?  You picture Dorothy and Toto in the Wizard of Oz being chased by the Wicked Witch when you see the witch flying her broom in the sky and spelling out SURRENDER DOROTHY!  Or we think of the white flag in old war films where one army surrenders to the other.  It's generally the weak that surrender to the more powerful, right?

Well, that's just it!  Is there anything more powerful than God?  And now taking that one step further, since we believe that God is Love....is there anything more powerful than Love?  I'm okay with being the little guy on this one, y'know?  I'm okay with admitting that I am not as strong or as powerful.  But my will is strong. And sometimes I think I know what's best rather than listening -  or feeling -  that God has a better idea.

My hope is that by  choosing this word - SURRENDER -it will help me put God's will into perspective.  I'm hoping so.  I want to be more mindful - or more connected - to God and what He has in store for me. If I give up my control and just surrender my will to God, He has already told us that he will take care of things for us, right?  So my hope is that by being mindful of this one little word, that I will be opening new doors to a more God-centered life.

Oh and wait, there's another component of this too.  Because I'm going to try to surrender my will, that is also going to mean that I can't impose my will on others.  (See, I told you I can be a control freak).  I'm older now, my children are grown so I don't have young kids to parent.  So part of surrendering is going to be about handling myself to the best of my ability, and allowing others to also do the same for themselves.  No instilling guilt (seriously this can be a big one).  No offering advice unless I'm asked.  Just allow everyone to take care of themselves (unless of course they ask for help).

The more I think about it, the harder this one sounds!  But I'm going to work on it!  Surrender to God, Surrender to Love.  Act only out of love and kindness!  It sounds pretty good to me and I have to say, that so far, so good.  I have been thinking about this and trying to act on it for the past 5 days and so far, and it's going well, so we'll see.  I only have another 360 days (and a lifetime) to go!

And so what about you?  Did you choose your word for the year?  I would love to hear from you and let me know what it is.  You can leave a comment here or email me at anushnoor@gmail.com

I hope you have a very blessed Christmas and a beautiful year ahead.
Cristos Dzunav Yev Hydnetzav! Ortnyal e Hydnootyunun Cristosi!
Christ is Born and Revealed!  Blessed is the Revelation of Christ!

Walking By Heart With God

When I was young, whenever we were supposed to learn something totally and completely, backwards and forwards, inside and out, my teachers would say we'd have to learn it "by heart".  An interesting way of thinking, don't you think?  Why not learn it by mind?  by head? or by brain?  I mean that's where the thought processes are, right?  But "by heart" meant more than just learning it like a robot...it meant embracing it, learning it with every beat of your heart, and feeling it coursing through your veins.  Okay, I'm being a little dramatic here.  We don't ever think about it this way when we're little, but you get what I'm saying.  In a nutshell, do your homework, really learn it, and be ready when you're asked a question about it.

I remember learning many things "by heart": the Pledge of Allegiance, the Lord's Prayer in English, the Preamble of the Constitution, and later all the verses of Miss American Pie.

Growing up, we always prayed as a family at mealtime, and mom would tuck us in at night and say our prayers with us, and those were always learned prayers as well, except for the add-ins of people we would pray for, but in general, we would recite the Lord's Prayer in Armenian and later on the 15th prayer of I Confess with Faith - Bahaban Amenaynee or O Christ, Guardian of all.

As we grow up, we learn about prayer and talking to God not by heart, but  FROM the heart.  And this is how I spend my morning prayer time with God, in conversation.  Mostly listening to myself and trying to hear Him or feel God's presence. And this morning, not having anything to write about today in mind, I asked for guidance on what I could share with you.  And then I left for work.

I have made a habit of praying by heart when I am alone.When I was going through radiation therapy, I would recite the 23rd Psalm.  I had my rhythm timed just right so that when the machine started, I would start, "The Lord Is My Shepherd."  I would go nice and slow, and just when I would end with ..."and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever," the machine would click off.   I found this very comforting at a very scary and uncertain time in my life.  But I digress....

So I left the house this morning for work, and on my 6 block walk to the bus stop (in the DARK because of the new time change), I was praying the 24 "I Confess with Faith" prayers, and I got to prayer #9 and there it was again...the thinking with the heart thing.  Here it is:

"All Provident Lord, place your holy fear as a guard before my eyes that I may not look lustfully; before my ears that they may not delight in hearing evil words; before my mouth that it may not speak falsehoods; before my HEART that it may not THINK evil; before my hands that they may not do injustice; before my feet that they may not walk in the paths of injustice, but so direct them that they may always be according to your commandments.  Have mercy on all your creation and on me a great sinner."

And so there it was...you get what you pray for.  I asked for something to write about, and here it is.  And it made perfect sense.  To think with one's heart. Whether we act in joy or anger, the emotion comes from the heart.  The brain controls the physical functions of our bodies, but it's the heart that controls our actions.  Whether we choose to love or hate, fear or embrace, it's all tied in with the love we receive, the hurt we felt, the disappointment, the happiness, the joy and the sorrow...and it's the heart that controls all of that.

For me, there is a place for both - by heart, and from the heart - prayer.  The prayers that I have learned over the years are not a substitute for the conversations that I share with God in the early morning hours, throughout the day and late at night.  They have been a companion to me in the worst of times, and also in the best of days.   But they are a constant comfort, and they accompany the beat of my heart, and the rhythm of my footsteps as I walk everyday, by heart, with God.

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To hear the audio version of this as well as other blog entries, tune into The Next Step with Father Vazken a weekly podcast about Armenian Orthodoxy and applied Christianity  at www.epostle.net

Fast for Darfur

Many of you know of my involvement with In His Shoes, the outreach organization of our church.  Our goal is to put ourselves in the shoes of others who are suffering in the world, to reach out to those less fortunate, and to combat evil with acts of kindness & love.

Each year on April 24, Armenians around the world commemorate the genocide that took place in 1915.  My grandparents were survivors of this genocide, coming to America in the 1930's.  The Ottoman Turks killed 1.5 million Armenians back then, and sadly genocide continues today throughout the world.  This year, April 24 and Easter Sunday coincide, and we at In His Shoes have decided to commemorate our genocide by working to STOP A GENOCIDE.  One that is happening today in Darfur.  Currently 450,000 Darfuri have been killed and over 2,000,000 are displaced, living in IDP camps in Chad. 

This year, on April 22 and 23,  we will be fasting for Darfur.  And this is where you come in.  We will be raising money and awareness for Darfur.  Our friends at Stop Genocide Now visit the camps in Chad where the refugees are living.  They are working toward setting up schools and education programs for the children there.  The funds that we raise will be going -- 100% -- toward the children of Darfur and providing them an education.

Will you help?  Any amount you give is appreciated.    Cash is fine.  Checks can be made payable to St. Peter Armenian Church.  If you need further information, please email me, or just ask.

Finally, I wanted to share a video with you.  It's a message of hope from our community to the Darfuri community, and this week, it was taken to the camps and shown to the refugees.  If you'd like more information about our organization, please visit our website at http://www.inhisshoes.org/, and please help!