ITP #33: This week on Inside the Pomegranate, Anush starts off her lenten journey discussing addictions. Open conversations with her friend who is a recovering addict, help us to realize the importance of God's hope and love in our lives.
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Showing posts with label wellness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wellness. Show all posts
10 March 2014
Battling Addictions with Love
When we think of people with drug addictions, our mind takes us to what we've seen on TV and movies, right? The typical drug addict: circles under the eyes, thin, vacant look on his or her face, missing or decaying teeth, zoned out, dissheveled. You know the type, right? But this is not the face of addiction in this case. My friend is young, fresh-faced, beautiful smile, intelligent, fit, vibrant and charismatic. Yet, she is an addict.
That's just one type of addict. I'm the another type. I'm a sugar addict. It's taken a long time for me to figure this one out, but it's the absolute truth. My whole life. And yes, you may not think that a drug addiction and a sugar addiction are anywhere near the same thing. Her addiction is to illegal drugs. My addiction is to sugar, which is not only legal but is put in all kinds of foods,not only desserts and sweets, but it's hidden in everything from peanut butter to breads and cereals. But the reaction is the same, and the emotional triggers that lead to it are the same too.
As our chats have continued this week, we've been touching on everything from protecting her abstinance from relapse, to surrounding ourselves by the right people: People that will elevate us and not bring us down. We talked about that slippery slope of just one bite (for me), just one hit or drink (for her) and how we’re out of control and it can send us spiraling down. She doesn’t want to go there. We talked about understanding that no matter how long the period of abstinence from a substance, that addiction would still be there. Look at what happened to Philip Seymour Hoffman after 22 years of being clean. There’s a lot of pain there. She understands the gift of a life…but she says there are times where she allowed herself to just spiral down. Isn't that true of all of us? Aren't there times that we just allow that negative spirit to take a hold of us and pull us, resigning ourselves to self-loatheing and feeling sorry for ourselves? Focusing in on the problems that arise in the darkness rather than the solutions that lie ahead in the light?
I don't know anything about drug addiction. And I don't really know much about drugs either beyond the scope of what I learned over watching back to back seasons of Breaking Bad, or Nurse Jackie on TV. But I do know my own reality. And all I can offer to my friend is my own experience and what I find strength in when I feel the need to reach for a sugary friend rather than dealing with what is stimulating that urge.
Digging deep, through all the layers, it all goes down to the basic question: Why am I here? God's gift to us is life. But it's up to us to take that gift and nurture it, grow it, and make it flower. It was funny. Hearing myself explain this to my friend, I was strengthening my own convictions. So what is God's plan for us? We talked about this. I think each of us has to find our own joy. What is it that makes us happy? What is it that makes us feel like we have purpose? For me, I find the most joy when I am creating and when I am helping the needy. I often hear, "Your homeless outreach is such a blessing to people." I don't look at it that way. The reality is that the outreach is a blessing to ME. And I think anyone who has joined us on our homeless outreach has felt this. Feeding and clothing the homeless is necessary in my life because it gives my life purpose. Yes, I have plenty of other purpose too. I am a mom, a daughter, a sister and aunt. I'm an artist, a wife, and all that. But I think that when we have a passion and a purpose and it's pointed in carrying out Christ's teachings of love and compassion, our lives take on a different meaning. They feel more fulfilled. I'm totally not blowing my own horn here so please don't take it that way, but when I'm not involved in this work, I don't feel complete. That's when I start feeling empty. And it's important to feel "full" of life.
And so what is her purpose in life? I asked my friend, "If I could wave a magic wand and you could be anything at all in life, what would you choose? What would you want to be?" She got really quiet. There was a minute of thoughtful silence. And quietly she answered, "I think I would like to teach." Beautiful. A totally giving and fulfilling profession. She is brilliant in math and science. And we talked about the shortage of women role models in the math field and what a blessing she would be to young women, empowering them in their education. Purpose.
She is young. And so the following day, I saw new joy in her when she told me she had applied to community colleges and completed her FAFSA application and sent it in. I think there is trepidation in going back to school as well. Drugs and alcohol are prelevent in colleges and universities. And when you're in recovery, being surrounded by your addiction can break you. And that's where God steps in.
Since we are created by God, and God is in each one of us, there is tremendous potential in each of us to create our own happiness and spread that light to others. It's there, but we have to tap into it. And we have to want to "work it" so to speak. Without realization of that potential, it's easy to just waffle through life. And that's when we get caught up in losing our focus. That's when we are most vulnerable and that's when the door is open to find that happiness outside. And it happens.
Despite the fact that I have always practiced my faith, I have used sugar as a crutch when it came to feeling my feelings. Any reason was a good one for chocolate, right? And I never really thought of it as an addiction before until over Christmas when I found myself having an inner dialogue with myself. The angel on one shoulder asking myself why I was indulging again when clearly it was not in my best interest, and the devil on the other shoulder saying, "Shut up and pass the chocolate." Searching inside, I find that my desire to be moderate is there, so why is it so difficult?
Talking with my friend, she agreed, despite the time in spent abstaining, the addiction persists. Hanging out in the wings, waiting for that weak moment where you think you're in control. But there is no control, and the downward spiral begins. The good news is that you are never alone. Ever. The bad news is, that tempation is all around us. \
For her short 19 years, she has seen a lot. The drugs were there when she needed to fit in, when she was feeling unaccepted, when there was a need for comfort. The numbness of the high kept her from feeling what was too painful in her young life. One addiction led to another. And another. Tough love didn't work.
What was missing in her childhood was "love" - the unconditional, selfless love of a parent for their child. What is missing in her life is an understanding of God. This is what we talk a lot about. Approaching all things through love. The concept is foreign to her. A loving God that cares for us. That is there for us when we need hope and strength. As she works through her recovery, I see that she's trying to understand. She wants to understand. We talk a lot about acceptance and forgiveness, again, not easy concepts to grasp when you don't know God. But we're getting there.
Last week, as we spent time together, a text message came in. It was the notice that episode 1 of the Lenten Journey with Fr. Vazken had posted. She was receptive to hearing it. And so we sat and listened. And it was so appropriate because the very first lesson was the desire in ourselves to be well. And the second lesson, that we can't rely on others for our wellness. It is up to us to do all that we can to see to our wellness. Yes, we have the tools and the support from others, but until we can admit to ourselves that we want to be well and take the first steps, it's just not going to happen.
And so that's where we are. We've been listening to each episode together each night. Slowly, she is understanding the stability of a loving home. There is a lot of guilt inside her. And sadness. But there is also this beautiful and bright light that I know will shine brightly if allowed to grow. I shared with her one of my favorite quotes from the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King: "There can be no deep disappointment, where there is not deep love." Trying to reassure her that there are people that do love her, and that their disappointment in her life's course of events was only because of the love they have toward her. There are just many different ways of showing it, and what is needed in this case is wrap-your-arms-around-her, and tell her that no matter what, you will love her type of love.
On the third night, she told me of her life. She shared with me everything she had been through. More than anyone should have to experience in a lifetime. The evening ended with a long hug. In the morning, at work at my desk, I received a message from her. A quote by Alan Cohen:
Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty, and your purpose when you are confused."
This Lenten Journey is going to be an extra meaningful one for both my friend and I. The road to healing is going to a long one, but hopefully one of strength, peace, and a desire to be well. We can't do it alone. We hold on to one another, and God provides the love for us to accept, forgive, and be made whole.
For her short 19 years, she has seen a lot. The drugs were there when she needed to fit in, when she was feeling unaccepted, when there was a need for comfort. The numbness of the high kept her from feeling what was too painful in her young life. One addiction led to another. And another. Tough love didn't work.
What was missing in her childhood was "love" - the unconditional, selfless love of a parent for their child. What is missing in her life is an understanding of God. This is what we talk a lot about. Approaching all things through love. The concept is foreign to her. A loving God that cares for us. That is there for us when we need hope and strength. As she works through her recovery, I see that she's trying to understand. She wants to understand. We talk a lot about acceptance and forgiveness, again, not easy concepts to grasp when you don't know God. But we're getting there.
Last week, as we spent time together, a text message came in. It was the notice that episode 1 of the Lenten Journey with Fr. Vazken had posted. She was receptive to hearing it. And so we sat and listened. And it was so appropriate because the very first lesson was the desire in ourselves to be well. And the second lesson, that we can't rely on others for our wellness. It is up to us to do all that we can to see to our wellness. Yes, we have the tools and the support from others, but until we can admit to ourselves that we want to be well and take the first steps, it's just not going to happen.
And so that's where we are. We've been listening to each episode together each night. Slowly, she is understanding the stability of a loving home. There is a lot of guilt inside her. And sadness. But there is also this beautiful and bright light that I know will shine brightly if allowed to grow. I shared with her one of my favorite quotes from the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King: "There can be no deep disappointment, where there is not deep love." Trying to reassure her that there are people that do love her, and that their disappointment in her life's course of events was only because of the love they have toward her. There are just many different ways of showing it, and what is needed in this case is wrap-your-arms-around-her, and tell her that no matter what, you will love her type of love.
On the third night, she told me of her life. She shared with me everything she had been through. More than anyone should have to experience in a lifetime. The evening ended with a long hug. In the morning, at work at my desk, I received a message from her. A quote by Alan Cohen:
Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly; your wholeness when you are broken; your innocence when you feel guilty, and your purpose when you are confused."
This Lenten Journey is going to be an extra meaningful one for both my friend and I. The road to healing is going to a long one, but hopefully one of strength, peace, and a desire to be well. We can't do it alone. We hold on to one another, and God provides the love for us to accept, forgive, and be made whole.
13 January 2014
Triggers (Audio)
ITP #27: What does Anush have in common with Roy Rogers? They both have Triggers! On this episode of Inside the Pomegranate, Anush shares what she's learning about herself and dealing with emotional triggers. Got triggers? We all do! Tune in to Inside the Pomegranate.
Want to sponsor a homeless outreach? Contact Anush at anushnoor@gmail.com
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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Want to sponsor a homeless outreach? Contact Anush at anushnoor@gmail.com
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
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Triggers
 |
| What do Roy Rogers and I have in common?? We both have triggers!!! |
Emotional triggers are like little switches. A thought or an event can trigger something from our past that is tied in to an emotion we were feeling at that time, and throw us into a funk. Or it can take us to a good place too. My grandma's house always smelled of palmolive soap and onions. She lived on the top floor of a duplex apartment, and when I would walk up the stairs to her apartment, the soap and onion smell would get stronger and stronger. My grandma's house was always a place where I felt safe and comfortable. Come to think about this now, before I married Neddy, he lived in an apartment in Glendale where there were a lot of Armenian grandmas and grandpas. And THAT building to smelled like Palmolive soap and onions. Maybe that had something to do with why I felt safe and comfortable with him too? Who knows! To this day, the smell of palmolive dish soap takes me back to that same comfortable place - no, not the apartment....Grandma's house! (which makes me think that maybe I should keep a bottle of Palmolive dish soap at my desk to take a whiff of when I'm stressing, right?)
Sometimes the emotions that cause the triggers are justified. Let's say when you were a kid, the neighbor's dog bit you....so now, you might have a fear of dogs, or just the sound of a barking dog can set you into a panic. That would be understandable. Or less obvious,with all the homeless outreach we're involved in. what if seeing the homeless people on the street triggered the feeling of sadness inside you because you notice how the people that we serve have no food. That's natural. But taking it a step further: You go to lunch with a friend. You have a great time, but then you notice how much food is wasted when they clear away the bread basket and the food around you. You remember the homeless and how they don't have food and this makes you so sad. Your mind associates eating out being sad. So you isolate yourself from going out because of the sadness it's going to make you feel.
One really common trigger is wanting to eat when you feel sad, upset or you want to get rewarded. I know this is one that I am dealing with even now. I know it started when we were little kids. When we'd celebrate getting good grades, or doing well at a recital, or completing our chores, we'd get rewarded by going out for ice cream. Or if we were upset about something, we'd sit down with mom or dad and talk over some hot cocoa and some cookies. Pretty soon those yummy sugary foods got associated with comfort, celebration, and making things "all better." And this is why today, many years later, sugar is what I want when I am feeling stressed, upset, happy, sad...you name it, sugar is the answer.
Our strengths are also our greatest emotional triggers. We might like the fact that we're loyal, or honest, creative or funny. We react emotionally when we feel that someone is discounting what make us who we are. The thing is, is that these events in our lives that trigger these emotions usually happened years and years ago...in our childhood. A lot has changed since then. We've even changed. That moment is never going to happen again, but what gets left over are the little triggers in our minds that set off the same feelings that the original event set off for us way back then. Some of these feelings might be the need to be accepted or liked, the need to be included, or to be in control (there's that control issue again!!), how about the need to be valued or to fit in, or to get attention, the need for peace, or to be understood.
This past week of surrendering control to God has brought about all these thoughts within me. I have been consciously trying to take a look at some of the ways I react emotionally. Our thought reactions are just thoughts. I've been trying to see if what I'm feeling is justified or am I going by what I felt years ago to some other event. And then I've been trying to surrender it.
As Fr. Vazken always on Next Step, "Think about it for a moment....." I am able to share all these feelings with God:
Acceptance...God accepts me for who I am.
Being understood...God understands me.
Needing attention...When I pray, God is my captive audience.
Control....nope, I'm not in control...I've given that up to God.
Love...God loves me unconditionally.
Being Liked....he even likes me (a little).
Peacefulness...when I'm truly with God, I know peace.
Acceptance...God accepts me for who I am.
Being understood...God understands me.
Needing attention...When I pray, God is my captive audience.
Control....nope, I'm not in control...I've given that up to God.
Love...God loves me unconditionally.
Being Liked....he even likes me (a little).
Peacefulness...when I'm truly with God, I know peace.
So I'm learning to anticipate the triggers. And I'm figuring out how to deal with them: sometimes going for a walk or doing something physical helps. If there's someone to talk to about it, then I do...or I write about it (thanks for being here!), and most definitely I surrender it over to God.
So that's what's been going on with me this week. I'm feeling a lot less stressed because I'm not allowing myself to control things...or even try to control things. God is in control. And I'm trying to let His will be done. Not mine. It's not easy, let me tell you...but we're working on it ...together.
What do you think. Have you ever thought about what your triggers are? And how do they cause you to react? Come on, share with me!
Just wanted to share: Just a couple nights ago, our In His Shoes group did our monthly homeless outreach at Ascencia. We always have such a great time when we're there. There are some beautiful miracles that are happening there especially among one family in particular so I waned to share it. Each month that we've been there, we've been blessed to serve a family with 7 children, a mother and father. All the members of this family, from the parents, down to the youngest child are always so polite, loving and kind. I love to see them all sitting down together. The children so respectful of their mother and father. The parents, so loving toward their children. When we were inquiring about this family over Christmas, one of the shelter managers shared with me that some good things were happening for them and that they are close to moving out of the shelter into transitional housing soon. I was so happy to hear this news. The case worker told me that the parents are aware, but they have not told their children so as not to get their hopes up. So I have been praying for them. And this past Thursday evening, I spoke to the parents and wished them a Happy New Year. I told them how much I appreciate their beautiful family, but that as much as I loved seeing them each month, that I hoped the new year would bring them closer to the realization of their dreams. I also shared with them that I had been praying for them. The parents beamed, smiled and looked at each other like they knew a big secret. I didn't let on that I knew. They asked me to please keep praying because "good things were definitely happening." So I'm asking all of you if you would please join me in praying for this beautiful family.
Tomorrow night we'll be heading out to the streets of Skid Row again. We have an anonymous donor that is providing the soup, water and snacks for tomorrow night, and we'll be taking all the clothing that we've collected as well as socks and blankets. If you'd like to sponsor either our Skid Row outreach or our Ascencia dinner at the shelter, please contact me at anushnoor@gmail.com
Have a pomegranate week, peeps! Filled with hope and ripe with possibilities!
12 September 2013
There's a Woman on This Street with Parakeets (Audio)
ITP #12: In Episode 12 of Inside the Pomegranate, Anush talks about the comfort in familiarity as it pertains to Team In Her Shoes’ participation in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer Santa Barbara. What do parakeets, signs, clappers, PINK, hills, and pain all have in common? Take a listen! It’s all Inside the Pomegranate.
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes
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There's a Woman on This Street with Parakeets
I'm sorry I'm a bit late getting this blog out. I haven't been feeling too well for a few days but I think I'm on the mend. If you follow my blog you know that I walked in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer this past weekend. We walked 39.3 miles. Our Team In Her Shoes raised an impressive $12,056. between the 6 of us that walked. We also had 9 team members on crew this year. My husband Neddy and Sugar's husband Zee, and another friend of ours crewed Pack Up. My sister and 3 of my friends (all past walkers) crewed food service. And Ani (yes, Ani Bubbles) and her friend Stephanie, were on the medical crew!
It was an amazing weekend, as it always is. This was my 10th time participating. And while I was on the route with Fr. Vazken, we were about to turn a corner on about mile 34 and I said, "There's a woman on this street with parakeets." And sure enough, we rounded the corner, walked down about 1/2 a block, and there they were. The parakeets. In a cage on the front lawn of a home, as it always has been in years past. And Fr. Vazken said, "That's what you should blog about. The familiarity of things and how it brings comfort."
It's true. I have done this amazing walk 10 times in my life. And most all of those times were in Santa Barbara. The first time I signed up to do the Avon Walk was back in 1998...when the walk was a 3 day walk where we traveled from Santa Barbara to Malibu - 60 miles - doing 20 miles a day. I was younger then. But I signed up that year to celebrate my 5 years of remission from breast cancer. I remember the walk fell right on my anniversary day - October 22. It was the day I finished my last radiation treatment 5 years prior, and they told me then that if I make it to 5 years without recurrence, you can consider yourself cured. So what better way to celebrate than to give back and do this walk. I walked alone that year, and along the way, I met survivors, and people that were walking in memory or honor of their loved ones. I met those battling cancer right at that time, with no hair, and scarves or hats. After spending the past 5 years worrying about recurrence, doctor's check ups, blood work ups, mammograms, this walk empowered me.
It elevated me. And I was hooked. I walked that same 3 day, three more times and then
took a break for a while. And then Avon announced that they were changing course and having a 2 day, 39.3 mile (Marathon and a half) instead. And I signed up...and I haven't stopped.
Looking back now...there definitely is a comfort there in the familiarity of the event. And because this experience has been so great for me, I wanted to share that experience with whomever wanted to join in. Last year we had 18 walkers, most of them first timers. I was the team leader and mother hen. I organized training walks, and fundraisers. I sent out packing lists and play-by-plays of what needed to be done. It was a lot of work, but what it did was make my walkers' first experience so memorable, that some of them signed up again for 2013. Maybe not to walk, but to support...to participate, to be there and stand up for the cause. And I so appreciate all their efforts. Because a walk of this proportion requires so many staff and logistics personnel to make things run smoothly. And my team was part of that as well.
I was thinking about what it is that makes this so familiar for me. I mean, it's a once a year event and there are 363 days in between to think about, but the feeling is so powerful and the impressions so vivid, that I thought I'd share with you.
There is familiarity in PINK. From the moment you arrive at Event Eve the Friday before the walk to the time you head home after the closing ceremony, you are surrounded in pink. Pink Ribbons, shirts, pink bubble gum, pink Reeboks, you name it, they have it in pink. You just know, year after year, that there will always be pink there. And it envelopes you. You want to wear pink to show you're part of the group. Even my husband - who hates pink! - wore his pink crew shirt for the closing ceremony.
There is comfort and familiarity in preparing my pack for the walk. I have it down to a science. I carry with me the names of those that are fighting cancer, have won, have lost the battle. Those hang from a carbeaner for people to see. My pack carriers my water, a pen, a lot of blister bandaids, Alleve, lip balm, cell phone, bandana and my ID. This year, I felt like the patron saint of blisters, because seriously, I distributed those blister bandaids any time I came across a fellow walker who had a shoe and sock off at the side of the road.
I never get enough sleep the night before, though I always try, but I guess it's the excitement of the next day. Morning comes and off we go. Drop off your duffle bag and sleeping bag at the truck and head over the the opening ceremony. The sun is just peaking up, and we meet up with the team on the right side of the stage. Everyone's got their pink on. Every year is a surprise with what people will wear, but the familiarity is in that there will always be surprises. This year we saw two men in pink plaid kilts walking. The usual pink wigs and tutus. Capes with the names and photos of loved ones. Tshirts with team names and cute sayings.
The ceremony begins. We are told that every three minutes someone gets diagnosed with breast cancer. Sadly, this is familiar....for the past several years. The statistic hasn't changed. A small group of people people approach the stage and each tells their story. One has battled cancer, one has lost a loved one, one is a teen whose life has changed by it, one is battling now. Each puts a pink ribbon around the other's neck. The ribbon says 'every three minutes" and we're told that throughout the weekend, these pink ribbons will be randomly distributed to remind us that within the short time that we're together during the weekend, that many lives will be changed forever by a cancer diagnosis. And then, so you can feel the connection of the weekend and the disease that brought us together they ask you to raise your hands and hold them up if you're a survivor. Up go my hands. Up go my friend Sugar's hands. Then raise your hands if you're participating because someone you love is affected by breast cancer. Up go more hands. Raise your hands if you're there because you have lost someone to breast cancer. More hands go up. Now reach out and take the hand of the person next to you. There we stand all of us hands in the air, holding on to each other. It's the most beautiful thing. And very emotional. In that moment you realize the connection. How this terrible disease is affecting each and every one of us who are there. The walk officially begins this way. And off we go.
We follow the coast heading north. It's beautiful. And there are so many walkers. You can see all the people walking for their loved ones. The sound of the people who are supporting us walkers are all familiar. Friends and neighbors, sleep children in their pajamas sitting in front of their homes, volunteers, all come out along the route to cheer along this moving sea of pink. Clapping, cheering, plastic clappers, cowbells, applause and "thank you's". There are those that volunteer every year to cheer. I have my favorites. There is a woman that is there year after year. She's got her sparkly pink TOMS on. She pulls her car over, puts on her Shania Twain CD, and dances as we walk by. Last year I noticed a quiet, unassuming volunteer on the route. She would applaud us quietly as we walked by. This year, I saw her again. As I walked by all I said, was "Hey, I remember you! You were here last year." This woman was so excited that I remembered. "Yes! Yes, I was here!" She gave me a hug and I thanked her for cheering for us. For the next 39 miles, she was my best friend. Each time I saw her I approached her with "Hi, favorite cheer person!" And this of course would make her smile and wave at us. There are always three older ladies with pink wigs and outfits that cheer, dance and sing for us. There's a man dressed as a cow - udderly ridiculous. He cheers, offers walkers sublock and reminds us to stretch. All of these volunteers do their thing for us, and then get in their cars, go a few miles up the route, and do it all over again, all day long. All weekend long.
The route is marked with pink signs and mile markers. Catchy, funny, and sometimes motivational sayings like, "I Pink I can, I pink I can, I know I can." or "Blisters don't need chemo" When you first start the walk, you find yourself stopping for photo ops along the way at the mile markers. Mile 1? Maybe not. But mile 3, mile 5 for sure, mile 10. But as the day wears on, and the reality of the number of miles ahead settles in, you start walking with a goal. The photos become less frequent. The goal is to get to your rest stop ahead of
schedule. Because each rest stop has a closing time, and you'll be shuttled to the next stop if you fall behind so it's important to pace yourself on the walk and do at least a 20 minute mile consistently to avoid what they call "being swept."
The hills are familiar to me. I have to say that this year was my best year. I usually hit a wall somewhere around mile 20. But this year I was okay with it all. As soon as I hit mile 17, the remaining miles are in the single digits....9 miles to go. 8 to go. When we hit 6, Fr. Vazken said, "Six miles. That's 2x around the Rose Bowl ...we can do that." It was constant inner dialogue like that. And as we got to about mile 21, there was familiarity in the ocean, the beautiful surf, the fine mist of the waves crashing. We were walking along the Montecito estates. The prettiest part of the walk. I remembered that years prior, when Ani and I were walking this path, we made up a story and tried to see if we could get a rumor started. We knew that Oprah Winfrey had a home in Montecito. When we were around a group of walkers, we started talking about how this particular estate was Oprah's home. That year on that day there was actually preparation for a large party at that estate, and we overheard our rumour catching wind. Walkers were trying to look through the fence to see Oprah's house. Year's later, I always think of that walk with Ani whenever I pass that home.
At mile 24, Ani is working the rest stop. She offers hugs and muscle rub. Its great having a nurse daughter. She also had a stash of clean ice that I wrapped in my bandana and tied around my neck. The buses are lined up there, ready to take those that can't go on over to the wellness village. Keep walking. Around mile 25 a woman standing on the side of the route, puts a pink ribbon around my neck. Every three minutes. I am part of the statistic. You know that mile 26 is around the corner when you hear the cheering. Mind you, it's not just 26 miles on that first day, but 26.2 miles. And that .2 takes forever! But finally, as you enter the wellness village, you hear the cheering, and the clapping. This year, my husband was on crew and so he was there when I crossed the Day One finish line. As familiar as it is to cross it, it was way better to see him there. There are other familiar faces too. The Avon staff and volunteers are there. There is a tent set up with foot massagers, and you plop down on the chair, slip off your shoes and let the little mechanical massager work it's magic. In the short time that you're seated there, talking with your friends old and new, this terrible stiffness and soreness creeps in. And you really wonder where it came from so suddenly. Even that's familiar. Standing up is painful. Sitting down is painful. Walking is painful. It's all painful. My legs, my hips...but not my feet. My feet were fine....no blisters! As painful as it is, you know that tomorrow, you'll be okay. Sore or not, you're going to wake up, lace up your shoes, and hit the road for another 13.1 miles!
The wellness village is like a tent city. The big tent has hundreds of tables and chairs where you can sit and have your dinner visit with friends, charge your phone, watch the entertainment. There is a tent for medical care; a tent for chiropractic; a tent for massage; a mini store; and a tent for yoga stretch. This year four of my team members worked in food service including my baby sister, Sona. Our girls were hilarious, always bringing their craziness and fun with them. Two of them wore Wonder Woman aprons, and two wore aprons with bikini bodies on them. They were having a great time serving up the hundreds and hundreds of walkers with their smiles. There are tents, and there are portapotties. And there are amazing shower trucks with wonderful hot private showers.
After dinner, I sat near the phone charging station to charge up my phone, and I had a conversation with a nice man named Ricky. He was just sitting there. Long hair to his shoulders, a friendly smile. We spoke while we waited. In a little bit, Ani came up and joined us. Ricky had lost his mother to breast cancer. He looked to be in his 50's. Was a gardener from Texas. We shared mom stories. My mom has been staying with us. And Ricky said that when his mom got diagnosed, she called him to come home. He was her caregiver. He told me that he would try to keep up her spirits in the end, but the cancer had spread and she wasn't up to anything. Eventually she passed. He was there with her. He said he missed her terribly. For the first few months after his mother died, he didn't know what to do. And then he heard about the Avon Walk. Despite the fact that his brothers discouraged him, he signed up. And he has been walking in her memory for the past 4 years. He said, "I have to do something. This is what I do. Once a year. For her." The following day Ani shared with me in passing. "Hey Mom, I saw your friend Ricky this morning around mile 10. He was wearing a cape." : ) That's another great thing about the walk. It's okay to wear your cape.
There's a woman on this walk who is an icon. Her name is Barbara Jean. This woman has to be in her late 70's, and she has walked EVERY walk in each of the cities that it's held in, every year for the past 16 years. Santa Barbara, New York, Atlanta, Chicago, Denver....if there's an Avon Walk she's there. Walking in memory of her husband. She walks with her daughter, and this year her granddaughter was on the Youth Crew. Truly amazing, this woman has raised over $1.5 million dollars for breast cancer. When you're walking on the route, her familiar cape pinned with ribbons that hold the names of those that she's walking in memory of is a reminder that anyone, no matter what age, can make a difference as long as you have a caring and compassionate heart. She deserves the cape; she's a super woman.
The next morning you don't have too much time. Get dressed and cleaned up, pack up your sleeping bag and your tent, put your duffle bag on the truck, have breakfast, fill up your water, and be ready to hit the route ready to tackle another 13 miles. Everyone is moving a little slow on day two. And the soreness seems to get greater and greater as the miles go on but you don't dare stop. We walk on, and one. The motor crew - bikers that volunteer for the event - with their dyed pink beards, ask more frequently now: "How are you doing? Doing okay?" And finally, a short walk up a hill, and through one of the final residential areas....this is where the parakeets are. They're there every year. I've never seen the person they belong to but passing by this manicured lawn , you can't help put spot the cage of parakeets. So colorful. This is my reminder. A reminder that this journey - at least for this weekend - is almost over. As we near mile 39, we hear the music and the cheering of the crowds. The finish line is only a short block away, but in order to make it a true 39.3 miles, they route us down two blocks and across three and then back...and finally the finish line is in view. The mile 39 marker is there, and everyone lines up to take a picture with it. Approaching the finish line we're greeted by our family, and the rest of our team. It's emotional. We hold hands and raise them in victory. We hug. And cry. And laugh. And take pictures. 39.3 miles. Familiar miles. An all too familiar disease. Friendships made because of it. Friendships stolen because of it. And because of cancer research, lives are saved as well.
The closing ceremony is for all our family and friends. All the walkers walk in together....then the survivors
make an entrance....followed by all the crew members who helped make the walk happen. And then we get to see how the money we raised is distributed as Avon presents the checks to the various community organizations that are recipients. That's what's good about this walk: the money stays within the community and the community benefits with cancer research, mammograms for the needy, meals for those battling cancer. Again we're asked to raise our hands in the air, reach out and hold the hand of the person next to us. We observe a moment of silence for those who are no longer with us because of this disease. And to me, it's a time to recommit myself to the cause. I will keep walking. I will keep fighting.
The walk is empowering. When cancer hits it's easy to think of yourself as a victim. I mean this is something that happens TO you. You're definitely not in control. But when you walk this walk, surrounded by so many others that have walked in your shoes, and you in theirs, you put that victim mentality aside, and you become the victor!
I was telling our family and friends after the closing ceremony, that we've all heard about drugs like PCP that give the user superhuman strength and allow them to do the unimaginable. Alone, I don't think that I would be able to walk 39 miles in 2 days' time. But together, with the love, support, prayers, and by the God's Grace, we are able to do amazing things. We can turn IMPOSSIBLE, to I'm POSSIBLE!
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of your for your prayers donations and support. Especially your prayers for a blister-free walk because I didn't get the blisters this year and I know it was because of those prayers. I also want to thank you for giving me the honor of walking in memory, honor or celebration of your loved ones. I carried them with me every step of the way and I felt your thoughts and prayers with us too.
I also want to congratulate our Team, In Her Shoes for once again, making this weekend a memorable one. We did it. AND, I want to let you all know that sign ups for Avon Walk 2014 started that afternoon at the closing ceremony, and I'm proud to say that Team In Her Shoes 2014 ALREADY has 12 members!!
So think about it. If you're interested in walking, or crewing next year, drop me a line. If you have your doubts about being able to do it...c'mon! We'll do it together!
Remember: Whether you believe you can, or you believe you can't, you're right!!
Believe you can! Make a difference!! Be the change.
xoxo
 |
| Best Team ever!! |
It's true. I have done this amazing walk 10 times in my life. And most all of those times were in Santa Barbara. The first time I signed up to do the Avon Walk was back in 1998...when the walk was a 3 day walk where we traveled from Santa Barbara to Malibu - 60 miles - doing 20 miles a day. I was younger then. But I signed up that year to celebrate my 5 years of remission from breast cancer. I remember the walk fell right on my anniversary day - October 22. It was the day I finished my last radiation treatment 5 years prior, and they told me then that if I make it to 5 years without recurrence, you can consider yourself cured. So what better way to celebrate than to give back and do this walk. I walked alone that year, and along the way, I met survivors, and people that were walking in memory or honor of their loved ones. I met those battling cancer right at that time, with no hair, and scarves or hats. After spending the past 5 years worrying about recurrence, doctor's check ups, blood work ups, mammograms, this walk empowered me.
It elevated me. And I was hooked. I walked that same 3 day, three more times and then
took a break for a while. And then Avon announced that they were changing course and having a 2 day, 39.3 mile (Marathon and a half) instead. And I signed up...and I haven't stopped.
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| Raise your hands up and keep them up if you're a survivor! |
I was thinking about what it is that makes this so familiar for me. I mean, it's a once a year event and there are 363 days in between to think about, but the feeling is so powerful and the impressions so vivid, that I thought I'd share with you.
There is familiarity in PINK. From the moment you arrive at Event Eve the Friday before the walk to the time you head home after the closing ceremony, you are surrounded in pink. Pink Ribbons, shirts, pink bubble gum, pink Reeboks, you name it, they have it in pink. You just know, year after year, that there will always be pink there. And it envelopes you. You want to wear pink to show you're part of the group. Even my husband - who hates pink! - wore his pink crew shirt for the closing ceremony.
There is comfort and familiarity in preparing my pack for the walk. I have it down to a science. I carry with me the names of those that are fighting cancer, have won, have lost the battle. Those hang from a carbeaner for people to see. My pack carriers my water, a pen, a lot of blister bandaids, Alleve, lip balm, cell phone, bandana and my ID. This year, I felt like the patron saint of blisters, because seriously, I distributed those blister bandaids any time I came across a fellow walker who had a shoe and sock off at the side of the road.
 |
| Opening ceremony |
The ceremony begins. We are told that every three minutes someone gets diagnosed with breast cancer. Sadly, this is familiar....for the past several years. The statistic hasn't changed. A small group of people people approach the stage and each tells their story. One has battled cancer, one has lost a loved one, one is a teen whose life has changed by it, one is battling now. Each puts a pink ribbon around the other's neck. The ribbon says 'every three minutes" and we're told that throughout the weekend, these pink ribbons will be randomly distributed to remind us that within the short time that we're together during the weekend, that many lives will be changed forever by a cancer diagnosis. And then, so you can feel the connection of the weekend and the disease that brought us together they ask you to raise your hands and hold them up if you're a survivor. Up go my hands. Up go my friend Sugar's hands. Then raise your hands if you're participating because someone you love is affected by breast cancer. Up go more hands. Raise your hands if you're there because you have lost someone to breast cancer. More hands go up. Now reach out and take the hand of the person next to you. There we stand all of us hands in the air, holding on to each other. It's the most beautiful thing. And very emotional. In that moment you realize the connection. How this terrible disease is affecting each and every one of us who are there. The walk officially begins this way. And off we go.
 |
| I love the cow man! |
The route is marked with pink signs and mile markers. Catchy, funny, and sometimes motivational sayings like, "I Pink I can, I pink I can, I know I can." or "Blisters don't need chemo" When you first start the walk, you find yourself stopping for photo ops along the way at the mile markers. Mile 1? Maybe not. But mile 3, mile 5 for sure, mile 10. But as the day wears on, and the reality of the number of miles ahead settles in, you start walking with a goal. The photos become less frequent. The goal is to get to your rest stop ahead of
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| One of the signs that mark our route |
The hills are familiar to me. I have to say that this year was my best year. I usually hit a wall somewhere around mile 20. But this year I was okay with it all. As soon as I hit mile 17, the remaining miles are in the single digits....9 miles to go. 8 to go. When we hit 6, Fr. Vazken said, "Six miles. That's 2x around the Rose Bowl ...we can do that." It was constant inner dialogue like that. And as we got to about mile 21, there was familiarity in the ocean, the beautiful surf, the fine mist of the waves crashing. We were walking along the Montecito estates. The prettiest part of the walk. I remembered that years prior, when Ani and I were walking this path, we made up a story and tried to see if we could get a rumor started. We knew that Oprah Winfrey had a home in Montecito. When we were around a group of walkers, we started talking about how this particular estate was Oprah's home. That year on that day there was actually preparation for a large party at that estate, and we overheard our rumour catching wind. Walkers were trying to look through the fence to see Oprah's house. Year's later, I always think of that walk with Ani whenever I pass that home.
 |
| Energizing bachigs from Ani! |
The wellness village is like a tent city. The big tent has hundreds of tables and chairs where you can sit and have your dinner visit with friends, charge your phone, watch the entertainment. There is a tent for medical care; a tent for chiropractic; a tent for massage; a mini store; and a tent for yoga stretch. This year four of my team members worked in food service including my baby sister, Sona. Our girls were hilarious, always bringing their craziness and fun with them. Two of them wore Wonder Woman aprons, and two wore aprons with bikini bodies on them. They were having a great time serving up the hundreds and hundreds of walkers with their smiles. There are tents, and there are portapotties. And there are amazing shower trucks with wonderful hot private showers.
After dinner, I sat near the phone charging station to charge up my phone, and I had a conversation with a nice man named Ricky. He was just sitting there. Long hair to his shoulders, a friendly smile. We spoke while we waited. In a little bit, Ani came up and joined us. Ricky had lost his mother to breast cancer. He looked to be in his 50's. Was a gardener from Texas. We shared mom stories. My mom has been staying with us. And Ricky said that when his mom got diagnosed, she called him to come home. He was her caregiver. He told me that he would try to keep up her spirits in the end, but the cancer had spread and she wasn't up to anything. Eventually she passed. He was there with her. He said he missed her terribly. For the first few months after his mother died, he didn't know what to do. And then he heard about the Avon Walk. Despite the fact that his brothers discouraged him, he signed up. And he has been walking in her memory for the past 4 years. He said, "I have to do something. This is what I do. Once a year. For her." The following day Ani shared with me in passing. "Hey Mom, I saw your friend Ricky this morning around mile 10. He was wearing a cape." : ) That's another great thing about the walk. It's okay to wear your cape.
There's a woman on this walk who is an icon. Her name is Barbara Jean. This woman has to be in her late 70's, and she has walked EVERY walk in each of the cities that it's held in, every year for the past 16 years. Santa Barbara, New York, Atlanta, Chicago, Denver....if there's an Avon Walk she's there. Walking in memory of her husband. She walks with her daughter, and this year her granddaughter was on the Youth Crew. Truly amazing, this woman has raised over $1.5 million dollars for breast cancer. When you're walking on the route, her familiar cape pinned with ribbons that hold the names of those that she's walking in memory of is a reminder that anyone, no matter what age, can make a difference as long as you have a caring and compassionate heart. She deserves the cape; she's a super woman.
 |
| Yn. Susan, Fr. Vazken & I at Mile 39! |
The closing ceremony is for all our family and friends. All the walkers walk in together....then the survivors
 |
| My breast friend Sugar and I at closing ceremonies. We're survivors. Sorry for the "hat hair" |
The walk is empowering. When cancer hits it's easy to think of yourself as a victim. I mean this is something that happens TO you. You're definitely not in control. But when you walk this walk, surrounded by so many others that have walked in your shoes, and you in theirs, you put that victim mentality aside, and you become the victor!
I was telling our family and friends after the closing ceremony, that we've all heard about drugs like PCP that give the user superhuman strength and allow them to do the unimaginable. Alone, I don't think that I would be able to walk 39 miles in 2 days' time. But together, with the love, support, prayers, and by the God's Grace, we are able to do amazing things. We can turn IMPOSSIBLE, to I'm POSSIBLE!
I want to take this opportunity to thank all of your for your prayers donations and support. Especially your prayers for a blister-free walk because I didn't get the blisters this year and I know it was because of those prayers. I also want to thank you for giving me the honor of walking in memory, honor or celebration of your loved ones. I carried them with me every step of the way and I felt your thoughts and prayers with us too.
I also want to congratulate our Team, In Her Shoes for once again, making this weekend a memorable one. We did it. AND, I want to let you all know that sign ups for Avon Walk 2014 started that afternoon at the closing ceremony, and I'm proud to say that Team In Her Shoes 2014 ALREADY has 12 members!!
So think about it. If you're interested in walking, or crewing next year, drop me a line. If you have your doubts about being able to do it...c'mon! We'll do it together!
Remember: Whether you believe you can, or you believe you can't, you're right!!
Believe you can! Make a difference!! Be the change.
xoxo
05 September 2013
In It To End It!!!
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| Here are the cards I will carry with me every step of the 39.3 mile journey. I will hang them from my pack for all to see and as reminder that we have to keep walking til we find a cure. |
This weekend I'll be walking 39.3 miles in the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer with Team In Her Shoes. I am walking in memory, honor, and celebration of those that have fought the fight and won, are currently battling, and sadly, those that have lost their lives to cancer. I am walking against breast cancer...and I am walking against ALL TYPES of cancer. Here is my list of names. If I missed your loved one, let me know. I have them written on cards and will be carrying them with me every step of the journey:
Fr. Vazken Movsesian
Diane Taschne
Daro Zadoian
Iskouhi Ghazarian
Debbie Gillum
Shirley Burr
Stella Okada
Ana Guzman
Elise Antreassian
Ellen Allison
Hilda Jubelt
Shirley Burr
Stella Okada
Ana Guzman
Elise Antreassian
Ellen Allison
Hilda Jubelt
Houri Donoyan
Cynthia Keylian
Veronica Monano Bedjakian
Evelyn Shafer
Evelyn Shafer
Nevair Tatoulian
Laurie Hrzyan
Anita Sislian
Sylvia Proskine
Hratch Casparian
Rita Mendez
Gloria Burgos
Gloria Solorio
Yvonne Clemente
Lauren Graves
Martha Pacero
Lisa Hagan
Nelik Golanian
Nelik Golanian
Sue Bugsch
Andrea Petker
Stephanie Sajjadieh
Tamar "Sugar" Apelian
Patricia Didonato
Emma Kapurch
Robin's mom
Mimi Megerdichian
Anush Berberyan
Nora Svajian
Tean Kech
Monica Beltran
Josephine Greco
Shakeh Arpajian
Sossie Arpajian
Irene Sazar
Arpine Jarlekian
Janet Cicero
Zabel Bahudian
Laurie Byerly
Taleen Petrossians
Marguereite Vigorito
Deegeen Nvart
Madline Tatoyan
Maria Wulf
Nanejan Hacopian
Elizabethe Kronaugh
Margie Scott
Jane Leapheart
Jenny Smith
Janet Stephen
Richard Jouroyan
Bn. Simon
Jim Lione
Chris Jakubowski
Cory
Rodger Brennan
Leo Franconi, Jr.
Danny Avejic
Allan Lowry
Ferdinand Sarkissian
Ardella Jelloian
Robert Eggert
Perooz Baghdassarian
Haig Diradourian
Desi Geestman
John Martin
Paul Tallis
Shirag Berejekian
John Quintana
Katarina Zlatkovic
Claudia Minjares
Keith Ammerman
Paula Crisostomo
Ellen Yerejian
Dan Cortes
Puzant Sabounjian
Beth Pereny
Susan Hill
John Shafer
Francis Sobott
Grace Balayan
Hratch Balayan
Hratch Balayan
Becky Leonardi
Brian Sellers
Sarah Barajas
Lyndsay Colosimo
Delta Rathbone
Jennifer Thoma
Nick Mehterian
Mary Frances Sawtelle
Rick Bowman
David Ponkey
Devorah Stamulous
Danielle Adams
Patrick Dwyer
Alice Mikaelian
Tami Brazil
Becky Leonardi
Brian Sellers
Lyndsay Colosimo
Jan Petit
Sue Smith
Lou Fancelli
Randy Crabtree
Jon Kinney
Paul Perkins
Becky Leonardi
Brian Sellers
Lyndsay Colosimo
Jan Petit
Sue Smith
Lou Fancelli
Randy Crabtree
Jon Kinney
Paul Perkins
Thank you to all of you for your donations, support and prayers. Please pray for us this weekend. And send us blister-free wishes too. I'm in it to end it!
There's still time to donate: www.avonwalk.org/goto/anushavejic
12 August 2013
My Armenian Orthodox Rosary (Audio)
ITP # 8: Ever wish the Armenian Orthodox church had prayed the rosary? Anush does. Tune in to learn about her
own Armenian Orthodox rosary (and even how to make one yourself!) It's all on this week's episode 8 of Inside
the Pomegranate!
Links: Blog: www.pomegranateandeye.com
I Confess with Faith
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes
Play Now:
Links: Blog: www.pomegranateandeye.com
I Confess with Faith
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes
Play Now:
My Armenian Orthodox Rosary
 |
| Here's my coral rosary with 24 beads and a cross |
Most days, I take the bus to work in the mornings, and often times, I see riders with their rosaries, fingering them during their morning commute. I like that. I like the discipline of praying the catholoc rosary, though I am not a catholic. But I have found myself wishing that our Armenian Orthodox faith had something like a rosary, because I find comfort in reciting prayer in a "formula" fashion. I find that it's a way for me to quiet my thoughts and to help me focus. And I suppose I like the ritual aspect of it as well. The fact that praying a rosary is a "set" prayer appeals to me.
Several years ago, during my lenten journey, I started focusing on the 24 prayers of St. Nerses Shnorhali. The Havodov Khosdovanemk or I confess with faith These 24 prayers are said in our church during our lenten Huskoom service. There is one prayer for each hour of the day, but during our evening service, we say them in succession. My grandmothers are my heroes. When the going has gotten tough for me, i often think about them and all they went through, and it gives me strength. Both of them were genocide survivors. And both were complete opposites of one another. But both were strong women of faith. My grandmothers knew these 24 prayers by heart. And I imagine that reciting these prayers gave them comfort in the darkest time in their lives. I decided, about 6 years ago, to memorize these prayers, but to memorize them in the language which I was most familiar with...English.
I had received a copy of these prayers from church and tucked them in my purse. Then on one busride, as I watched the woman across the aisle from me praying her rosary, I decided that I was going to learn my prayers as well. So I started with the first. "I confess with faith and adore you, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Uncreated and immortal essence, creator of angels, of humans and all that exists. Have mercy upon all your creatures and upon me a manifold sinner." That busride was when i decided to learn the first of the 24 prayers. I would read a sentence, close my eyes, think about the sentence, and try to repeat it in my head. I'd do something else and then come back to it, and try to remember what I had learned. I'd check myself against the paper in my hand. If I had the sentence right...I'd learn the second sentence...and then repeat it, but only after I had repeated the first sentence before it. Each bus ride I'd add another 2 or 3 sentences, always reinforcing what I had learned prior. Each week, I was learning about 2 prayers and finally, I had them all memorized. It took months, but it made my busride meaningful, and my prayer life was increasing. As I learned the prayers, I thought about them. Each one of them ended with "Have mercy upon all your creatures and upon me a manifold sinner." Okay, what was a manifold sinner? When I was in 12th grade, I took auto shop for a year and rebuilt the engine of my first car....but I that is a whole different Oprah...but in my head a manifold was an exhaust manifold. I didn't like that....so i searched other translations...and found one that substituted the word "great" Have mercy upon all your creatures and upon me a great sinner.
Then the word "creature" was kind of bugging me. I kept thinking of the creature from the black lagoon. But creature means "anything that is created". So I ended each prayer with, "have mercy upon all your creation and upon me a great sinner." And that was a better fit. It just made more sense to me.
So this became my busride prayer. I would start when I first borded the bus, and finish with the 24th prayer by the time we were on the freeway heading toward Eagle Rock, about ten miles away. And I started seeing how having a physical rosary to hold might help to keep track of which prayer I was on if I got distracted (which is easy to do on the bus). So made myself a rosary. I used a piece of leather cord, and adding a cross to the center, I added 12, equidistant knots in the leather on each side making a knot for each prayer. That's it. It's very simple and unpretentious. I also made one with some coral beads that I had...and I keep that one in my car. I use those sometimes when I'm driving.
These prayers have brought me a lot of comfort. They are in my mind when I walk around downtown L.A.; if I'm feeling troubled; if I'm stuck in traffic; when I'm having trouble falling asleep and I can't clear my mind, or when I'm feeling overwhelmed with too much to do.
Sometimes I will choose one to reflect on. Othertimes, it's a way for me push myself to thinking. I'll start with the last one first and go backward in order. Since each of the prayers are individual, each is a complete prayer by itself. Prayers 3-24 have a different name for Christ starting each prayer. Sometimes I"ll only pray the names: Heavenly Father, Son of God, Spirit of God, Uncreated Essence, Beholder of all, Searcher of Secrets, All provident Lord, Living fire, Jesus wisdom of the father, Lord, Heavenly King, Bestower of Mercy . Benificent Lord, and so on.
And I definitely have my favorites. I think most of us have recited the Bahaban Amenaynee or O Christ Guardian of all. And if you're active in Armenian Orthodcox church life, you know the O Jesus, Wisdom of the father, prayer because that's usually the prayer said before meetings when we ask God to grant us wisdom that we may think, speak, and do that who's is good in His sight. I think the most amazing of these prayers is the 22nd, which asks God to, "Forgive all my enemies, and those who hate me, the trespasses they have committed against me. Turn them from the malice they bear toward me that they may be worth of your mercy." Mind blowingly cool, right? Think about it. Not only am I asking forgiveness for my enemies and those that hate me, but I'm asking for forgiveness for them, why? So that they can know God's mercy. Ultimate forgiveness. Not forgiving for my sake, but so they can share in the beautiful gift of God's mercy. Repaying your enemy with something so beautiful and precious that you want to share with even someone who has done you wrong.
Another favorite of mine is this one "Beneficient Lord, commit me to a good angel that I may deliver up my spirit in peace and convey it undisturbed by the malice of evil spirtis under the heavens." I just think that's so beautiful....when the time comes to pass, that a good angel would deliver us up....protect us and make sure we make that safe transition. I think there's something in each one of these prayers that is so beautiful and unique.
So I know that these prayers are typically recited during lent, but I think once you know them,you'll make them a part of your everyday life. That lenten period, years ago when I decided to make learning these prayers part of my lenten journey was an invalable gift.
I will include these prayers on my website at www.pomegranateandeye.com I hope that you'll check it out and make them your own.
Do you have another prayer or series of prayers that speak personally to you? Will you share them with me? Or which one of the 24 is your favorite? dont br shy. Please leave your comments. I'd love to hear from you!
Several years ago, during my lenten journey, I started focusing on the 24 prayers of St. Nerses Shnorhali. The Havodov Khosdovanemk or I confess with faith These 24 prayers are said in our church during our lenten Huskoom service. There is one prayer for each hour of the day, but during our evening service, we say them in succession. My grandmothers are my heroes. When the going has gotten tough for me, i often think about them and all they went through, and it gives me strength. Both of them were genocide survivors. And both were complete opposites of one another. But both were strong women of faith. My grandmothers knew these 24 prayers by heart. And I imagine that reciting these prayers gave them comfort in the darkest time in their lives. I decided, about 6 years ago, to memorize these prayers, but to memorize them in the language which I was most familiar with...English.
I had received a copy of these prayers from church and tucked them in my purse. Then on one busride, as I watched the woman across the aisle from me praying her rosary, I decided that I was going to learn my prayers as well. So I started with the first. "I confess with faith and adore you, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, Uncreated and immortal essence, creator of angels, of humans and all that exists. Have mercy upon all your creatures and upon me a manifold sinner." That busride was when i decided to learn the first of the 24 prayers. I would read a sentence, close my eyes, think about the sentence, and try to repeat it in my head. I'd do something else and then come back to it, and try to remember what I had learned. I'd check myself against the paper in my hand. If I had the sentence right...I'd learn the second sentence...and then repeat it, but only after I had repeated the first sentence before it. Each bus ride I'd add another 2 or 3 sentences, always reinforcing what I had learned prior. Each week, I was learning about 2 prayers and finally, I had them all memorized. It took months, but it made my busride meaningful, and my prayer life was increasing. As I learned the prayers, I thought about them. Each one of them ended with "Have mercy upon all your creatures and upon me a manifold sinner." Okay, what was a manifold sinner? When I was in 12th grade, I took auto shop for a year and rebuilt the engine of my first car....but I that is a whole different Oprah...but in my head a manifold was an exhaust manifold. I didn't like that....so i searched other translations...and found one that substituted the word "great" Have mercy upon all your creatures and upon me a great sinner.
Then the word "creature" was kind of bugging me. I kept thinking of the creature from the black lagoon. But creature means "anything that is created". So I ended each prayer with, "have mercy upon all your creation and upon me a great sinner." And that was a better fit. It just made more sense to me.
So this became my busride prayer. I would start when I first borded the bus, and finish with the 24th prayer by the time we were on the freeway heading toward Eagle Rock, about ten miles away. And I started seeing how having a physical rosary to hold might help to keep track of which prayer I was on if I got distracted (which is easy to do on the bus). So made myself a rosary. I used a piece of leather cord, and adding a cross to the center, I added 12, equidistant knots in the leather on each side making a knot for each prayer. That's it. It's very simple and unpretentious. I also made one with some coral beads that I had...and I keep that one in my car. I use those sometimes when I'm driving.
These prayers have brought me a lot of comfort. They are in my mind when I walk around downtown L.A.; if I'm feeling troubled; if I'm stuck in traffic; when I'm having trouble falling asleep and I can't clear my mind, or when I'm feeling overwhelmed with too much to do.
Sometimes I will choose one to reflect on. Othertimes, it's a way for me push myself to thinking. I'll start with the last one first and go backward in order. Since each of the prayers are individual, each is a complete prayer by itself. Prayers 3-24 have a different name for Christ starting each prayer. Sometimes I"ll only pray the names: Heavenly Father, Son of God, Spirit of God, Uncreated Essence, Beholder of all, Searcher of Secrets, All provident Lord, Living fire, Jesus wisdom of the father, Lord, Heavenly King, Bestower of Mercy . Benificent Lord, and so on.
And I definitely have my favorites. I think most of us have recited the Bahaban Amenaynee or O Christ Guardian of all. And if you're active in Armenian Orthodcox church life, you know the O Jesus, Wisdom of the father, prayer because that's usually the prayer said before meetings when we ask God to grant us wisdom that we may think, speak, and do that who's is good in His sight. I think the most amazing of these prayers is the 22nd, which asks God to, "Forgive all my enemies, and those who hate me, the trespasses they have committed against me. Turn them from the malice they bear toward me that they may be worth of your mercy." Mind blowingly cool, right? Think about it. Not only am I asking forgiveness for my enemies and those that hate me, but I'm asking for forgiveness for them, why? So that they can know God's mercy. Ultimate forgiveness. Not forgiving for my sake, but so they can share in the beautiful gift of God's mercy. Repaying your enemy with something so beautiful and precious that you want to share with even someone who has done you wrong.
Another favorite of mine is this one "Beneficient Lord, commit me to a good angel that I may deliver up my spirit in peace and convey it undisturbed by the malice of evil spirtis under the heavens." I just think that's so beautiful....when the time comes to pass, that a good angel would deliver us up....protect us and make sure we make that safe transition. I think there's something in each one of these prayers that is so beautiful and unique.
So I know that these prayers are typically recited during lent, but I think once you know them,you'll make them a part of your everyday life. That lenten period, years ago when I decided to make learning these prayers part of my lenten journey was an invalable gift.
I will include these prayers on my website at www.pomegranateandeye.com I hope that you'll check it out and make them your own.
Do you have another prayer or series of prayers that speak personally to you? Will you share them with me? Or which one of the 24 is your favorite? dont br shy. Please leave your comments. I'd love to hear from you!
Well guess what? I am officially on vacation. I will try to blog of our travels as we head up the Oregon coast! Prayers for good weather please!!! Hope you all have a beautiful and blessed week.
Here's the link to the 24 prayers of St. Nerses Shorhali - The I Confess with Faith:
http://www.armenianorthodoxy.org/I_confess_with_Faith.pdf
And we're still taking donations for Team In Her Shoes, this time to help one of our team mates, Nancy, get to her goal. Please visit her page at www.avonwalk.org/goto/NancyBurgos
All the money we collect goes to the same great cause and supports our team. Thank you so much for all your prayers and wonderful support!!
Please "like" us on Facebook. And better yet, come out and cheer us on, on Sunday, September 8 as we cross the finish line at mile 39.3!!! Click here for Event Info! Come see us!!! http://www.avonwalk.org/santa-barbara/event-information.html
Here's the link to the 24 prayers of St. Nerses Shorhali - The I Confess with Faith:
http://www.armenianorthodoxy.org/I_confess_with_Faith.pdf
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| Here I am last year..this was around Mile 37!!! I could hear the crowds cheering at the finish line! |
And we're still taking donations for Team In Her Shoes, this time to help one of our team mates, Nancy, get to her goal. Please visit her page at www.avonwalk.org/goto/NancyBurgos
All the money we collect goes to the same great cause and supports our team. Thank you so much for all your prayers and wonderful support!!
Please "like" us on Facebook. And better yet, come out and cheer us on, on Sunday, September 8 as we cross the finish line at mile 39.3!!! Click here for Event Info! Come see us!!! http://www.avonwalk.org/santa-barbara/event-information.html
05 August 2013
The Cancer Connection (Audio)
ITP Episode #7: Ever feel like you're in this exclusive club that no one wants to belong to? Welcome to the cancer club where Anush talks about physical and emotional connections made through this disease.
Links: www.pomegranateandeye.com
www.avonwalk.org/goto/inhershoes
www.thesketchbookproject.com
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes
Play Now:
Links: www.pomegranateandeye.com
www.avonwalk.org/goto/inhershoes
www.thesketchbookproject.com
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
Look for Inside the Pomegranate on BluBrry
Subscribe to Inside the Pomegranate by Email
Get Inside the Pomegranate on iTunes
Play Now:
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